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I met a guy online about a month ago. He seemed immediately smitten and has been in touch with me every day since we met. We have a lot in common and live very close by each other. He is always the one to call and initiate contact. He has introduced me to his daughters, asked me to accompany him on a 2 day trip (i could not). He has already asked me to go with him next time in January. He came over to my house to fix something for me. Seems to go out of his way for me. Communicates well. He is very open and straightforward which I like. He treats me really well and tells me every day how much he likes me. His actions match his words and he seems genuinely sincere. So far, so good.
EXCEPT, it bothers me that he is still logging on to the site where we met multiple times per day. We have not talked about being exclusive and I have not yet slept with him though things have gotten plenty physical. I understand this (continuing to log on) is a common issue with online dating. I have been tossing back and forth in my head on what to think and/or do about this. Thinking maybe it's too soon to address it, decided to adopt a wait and see attitude and focus on how he treats me instead for now.
WELL, my girlfriend also has a profile on the same site and guess what? HE MESSAGED her today. I am so disappointed. I thought I had really met a nice and sincere person with whom I could potentially develop a real relationship with.
Do I confront him? Dump him completely? I know we didn't discuss exclusivity, but this seems dishonest or at the very least I would say we have different dating styles and/or values. Or should I just pull back? Ask him if we are seeing other people? ANd conduct myself accordingly? Honestly, my attraction and interest has sort of taken a nose dive yet, I find it hard to believe that is was/is all insincere.
His communication style is such that I would feel weird about just cutting contact without letting him know how I feel, but maybe I've seen all I need to see already?
As hard as it may be to deal with right now I'd wait a while before doing anything confrontational. It's only been "about a month" and you haven't yet become totally involved with him, there's been no talk of exclusivity. If/when it does come to the point that you're planning on sleeping with him then obviously you would either right before that time or way before it, raise the exclusivity issue in general terms to see if you're both on the same page. Sorry not to be of more help but I wouldn't dump him just because you found out he messaged someone on a dating site. Hope it all works out for you!
The reality is you two are not exclusive. Until he brings the subject up and asks for exclusivity, you should rightly assume that any online beau is dating others.
As for him contacting your friend...does he know this is your friend? If yes, then he's being sleazy. If no...well...he's not technically doing anything wrong because you two are not exclusive!
My advice: date others in addition! You are not in an exclusive relationship. There is no reason for you to only date this man. You may meet someone even better. Let the best man win your heart.
So he invites you to go on trips, introduced you to his daughters, calls you everyday and STILL goes on the dating site looking for other women to be with?
I wouldn't trust someone like that and good thing you didn't sleep with him. I mean if he is being physical with you, introducing you to his children and still looking for other women what does that tell you?
The disgusting part is he could be doing the same thing with other women on the site while seeing you and sleeping around.
I understand that it stings a little, and probably leaves an ego bruise too. So I would suggest doing something about it ASAP so at least you know where you stand. I don't know if casually and sweetly asking "what are we" is subtle enough, but something along those lines would suffice. In my humble opinion, after one month of close communication, he should have a rough idea if he wants to date you exclusively.
In the meanwhile, definitely check out other guys and leave your options open.
And on the other hand, a sense of humor is always a good thing to have. You could always laugh about it and say, "This is hilarious! My friend (so and so) is on the same site where we met and you messaged her! Small world, eh?"
And on the other hand, a sense of humor is always a good thing to have. You could always laugh about it and say, "This is hilarious! My friend (so and so) is on the same site where we met and you messaged her! Small world, eh?"
Id love to be a fly in the wall when that 'humorous' interjection gets thrown...the awkwardness that ensues that even makes bystanders look away? Usually followed by a Rick Perry style "..uh...I got nothing..." or someone thrashing the room to induce a distraction while running away a la Will Ferrell lol. Indeed, OP try that and write back!
You don't own someone because you met them on-line a month ago.
If you enjoy spending time with him, then why not continue to do so but stop thinking that you're already in a committed relationship when you are not. Just lighten up. Don't sleep with him either.
I think getting very serious very fast can kill an otherwise good relationship in the early phases.
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