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Then I guess I am happy about how I deal with different people.
I used to try to have deep conversations and it lead me in the opposite direction socially, I was an outcast.
I no longer have a desire to discuss deep issues but not because it was wrong socially for me. It was because of a couple of things I accepted when it comes to people. My relationships have improved since then even without the "deep" conversations.
I can understand. It probably put people out of their comfort zones, made them slightly uncomfortable.
That is what I'm precisely talking about.
I'm glad that relationships have improved for you with or without deeper conversations.
You know, if you want people to have more deep and meaningful conversations with you then you have to be open minded and non judgmental. There have been many times on these forums and in real life where simple debates deteriorate into a pissing contest.
Good post. I think you are seeing what I'm trying to say.
I realize that not every convo with people is gonna be "deep", but I think sometimes we need to get out of our cell phones and out of our "heads" in terms of being self centered.
There is a magical world outside of the 3 to 5 inches of a smart phone.........
Thanks. This is the type of thing that has bugged me for years about conversations with others. I'm sure I probably do things that bug other people too, so I'm not saying it's all them and not about me.
One thing I noticed recently that bugged the heck out of me happened at a family memorial for my dad. The conversation turned to different memories each person had about or likely shared with my dad. Most of it was really nice, funny, touching, etc. I have an uncle who is notorious for talking too much, too loud, and generally about himself.....and he did not fail in this department at the memorial. He started relaying a story about my dad and got off-track not too far into it and, of course, started talking about himself and one of his first jobs.....had zero to do with my dad.
His little tangent ruined the mood for most everyone else....others started looking uncomfortable, a couple people wandered off, you get the idea. He was oblivious to it. Prior to his tangent while others were sharing their memories, the same uncle was either trying to interrupt or he was glued to his cell phone like a teenager....he's 55 years old.
I don't think every conversation has to be deep and meaningful either, but it would be nice if more people of all ages knew how to listen....truly listen, not just formulating what they are going to say next.
You know, if you want people to have more deep and meaningful conversations with you then you have to be open minded and non judgmental. There have been many times on these forums and in real life where simple debates deteriorate into a pissing contest.
True. There is a saying that dumb people go with the flow, smart people go against it and smarter people get out of the water.
I just got off of the phone with my Dad. We exchanged the usual pleasantries. Discussed the weather, work, everyone's health.
I've always had this type of relationship with my Dad. I know he loves me. He is even taken to saying it, only took him 42 yrs. I'm not criticizing him, really. I'm not a real touchy feely guy myself.
I guess as Im getting older I'm seeing the general lack of real connection between people, I see miscommunications all the time, at work and in my personal life.
People just don't get it sometimes. I'm trying to become more aware of my communication skills, Mrs. Chow is pointing my lack of skills out to me at times.
I imagine a lot of it is people walking around in their own head. Lost in thought, preoccupied with other things, a general lack of being in the present moment perhaps??
I guess what I'm thinking is that I want to start being able to connect with others on a deeper level, not "hows the weather" kind of conversations.
Can anyone else relate??
Have your tried initiating these types of conversation?
Some people are open, others are not.
In my own family, my father and I only talk 1-2 times per year. But we can talk politics, architecture, urban planning, religion. Not always in that order.
I speak to my mother once per week. She's more of a "weather" type of person. We talk about our respective pets and gossip about mutual relatives.
Sometimes quantity does not equal quality. But if the chit-chat makes my mother happy, what is the harm?
My (grown) daughter and I are not phone-people. We rarely call. Mostly we twitter or email. But we manage to discuss/debate issues such as gender/ identity and consumerism/materialism (recent topics).
IRL our deepest conversations happen when she comes "home" though (and you'll love this) either in the kitchen while cooking together or over the dining room table. Sometime you need to get people in a happy and relaxed place* to have those deep and meaningful conversations.
(*That Happy and Relaxed place can come at the most unexpected times though. I've had other great conversations with friends and family while hiking/running/riding bicycles!)
p.s. If you want some "conversation starters", i.e. questions that you can ask people to get them talking, let me know. I have some ideas.
Some people are not in touch with their own emotions, therefore they cannot connect with other people emotionally, either . . .it's not personal . . . they just can't "go there." I don't like conversing with people who are not connected . . . I also find it frustrating, but I don't expect it anymore . . . I no longer go to a dry well for a drink or try to get blood out of stone, as they say . . .
Conversations with my own father are very similar to the OP's, vacant and empty. We exchange pleasantries, what did you do last weekend, what did you eat for dinner, then pass the phone to my mom. In the past we've clashed and both exchanged heated and hurtful remarks that have led us to walk on glass when talking to each other and hold empty conversations.
Many of the clashes stemmed from his dislike for my career choices. Now I actually do pretty well and actually earn more than him. Conversations are a bit easier and it feels like there is no longer a big elephant in the room. I don't have to worry about "you should go back to school, why don't you get into...., look at what your cousin is doing"
But our conversations are still a bit empty because we never really bonded past my boyhood days. It's slowly getting there but we have alot of catching up to do and I think it's weird for him to really view me as an adult.
I just got off of the phone with my Dad. We exchanged the usual pleasantries. Discussed the weather, work, everyone's health.
I've always had this type of relationship with my Dad. I know he loves me. He is even taken to saying it, only took him 42 yrs. I'm not criticizing him, really. I'm not a real touchy feely guy myself.
I guess as Im getting older I'm seeing the general lack of real connection between people, I see miscommunications all the time, at work and in my personal life.
People just don't get it sometimes. I'm trying to become more aware of my communication skills, Mrs. Chow is pointing my lack of skills out to me at times.
I imagine a lot of it is people walking around in their own head. Lost in thought, preoccupied with other things, a general lack of being in the present moment perhaps??
I guess what I'm thinking is that I want to start being able to connect with others on a deeper level, not "hows the weather" kind of conversations.
Can anyone else relate??
Yes. I am 40 and I can't recall ever having a substantive conversation with my Dad . He's not good with details and I don't think I'll ever 'know' him. To compensate for this, during conversations with other people, I ask a lot of questions and give lots of details.
[ perhaps bordering on obsessive in some instances - TELL ME MORE!]
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