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Like many have stated, it starts on the inside. You can fake it to make it forever but it is not going to be you. Once you start doing something to help your esteem, believe you me, it will make a whole world of difference.
I was no one. I did not think I was pretty, and I thought I would never be loved again. All mistruths, but all my beliefs. I hardly think you are overweight. I lost some weight and started feeling better, but that didn't take care of it completely. I probably still belong on "What Not to Wear," And truthfully, I don't care. You will find me on most any given day in my Harley boots, jeans, and a t shirt. I do not own any make up. I take a shower at night and brush my hair but I do not dry it or style it. I wake in the morning and again, I brush my hair and throw on clothes. Getting cooler now, so hey, I go all out with a hoodie.
When I go out with my friends who are all girly with their make-up and skirts, etc, I feel different than they are, sure. I am not compromising myself or who I am to be like them. I suppose one day I may change, I don't know. As for right now, I am happy with the person I am. I am in a relationship, and very happy in it.
The one thing that has changed about me in the past four years? My self-esteem. Oh, I know I have a very long way to go, and I am getting there as the days go by. One day I may even be there, but that is where it started to change.
Not only do you have to life yourself up, but you need to be around people who will also lift you up. Do things that make you happy. Be around people and things that make you smile. You would not begin to know the difference that just that smile makes......
I think the smile makes all the difference in the world, but thats just me.
Do that something that makes you smile and feel happy. Incorporate those things into your life. It takes time to lift your esteem, but it can be done.
OP: As a woman, if you don't know already that you have more to offer than looks, then you probably don't. Let's face it, we live in a superficial world. Women want a guy with status, money, security, height, looks....guys basically don't want to date a fat chick. Either try to lose more weight or just focus on living your life and being happy without the dependency of finding a man to marry.
Size 6 - 10 is not fat. Even if you're 5'2" and a size 6-10, you're still not fat. IMHO, overweight is a size 16 and up but even plus-size models carry their weight well, have confidence, and are pretty to look at.
I see you as a person who sort of suffers from thinking they're better than others. You look down upon people having what you term meaningless, small-talk conversation that may be about the weather, their hair woes, issues with friends, whatever. You can't have philosphical conversations every second of the day. People generally find themselves small talking as a part of normal day to day life. When getting a cup of coffee and the barrista asks you how your day is going, what do you say? Normal people say, "Just fine thank you for asking and how about yourself?" If you're coming back with, "Oh just great, the state of the country is in shambles and the Occupy protests are not getting enough attention, and the world is going to end in 2012" etc etc, then you've just made someone resent having asked you how you're doing. If that is you...you need to change. If you don't want to change, you don't have to, but you need to expect the world to continue not liking you. You don't want people to regret having opened up a conversation with you.
You don't care about people because you haven't found anyone or anything worth caring about. If you don't have empathy for people, then you need to research what it means to be a sociopath. I don't think that is you.
I think you could benefit from some classes or workshops in socialization techniques. I've looked in to this for my mom and they do exist.
If you want to concentrate on the physical, I would recommend watching What Not to Wear. Sounds cheesy, I know, but trust me. They style all types of women based on their body type and their personality and in all the years I've watched the show, I have yet to see someone walk away not looking 100% better. I've taken a lot of style tips from the show and always receive compliments on my clothes and make up.
Good luck. Please let us know how you're doing. I don't think change is bad and I do feel that we can not only change our outward appearances, but we can also change our personalities to recognize that pleasing people is a good thing, even if it means going against your norm.
Size 6 - 10 is not fat. Even if you're 5'2" and a size 6-10, you're still not fat. IMHO, overweight is a size 16 and up but even plus-size models carry their weight well, have confidence, and are pretty to look at.
I see you as a person who sort of suffers from thinking they're better than others. You look down upon people having what you term meaningless, small-talk conversation that may be about the weather, their hair woes, issues with friends, whatever. You can't have philosphical conversations every second of the day. People generally find themselves small talking as a part of normal day to day life. When getting a cup of coffee and the barrista asks you how your day is going, what do you say? Normal people say, "Just fine thank you for asking and how about yourself?" If you're coming back with, "Oh just great, the state of the country is in shambles and the Occupy protests are not getting enough attention, and the world is going to end in 2012" etc etc, then you've just made someone resent having asked you how you're doing. If that is you...you need to change. If you don't want to change, you don't have to, but you need to expect the world to continue not liking you. You don't want people to regret having opened up a conversation with you.
You don't care about people because you haven't found anyone or anything worth caring about. If you don't have empathy for people, then you need to research what it means to be a sociopath. I don't think that is you.
I think you could benefit from some classes or workshops in socialization techniques. I've looked in to this for my mom and they do exist.
If you want to concentrate on the physical, I would recommend watching What Not to Wear. Sounds cheesy, I know, but trust me. They style all types of women based on their body type and their personality and in all the years I've watched the show, I have yet to see someone walk away not looking 100% better. I've taken a lot of style tips from the show and always receive compliments on my clothes and make up.
Good luck. Please let us know how you're doing. I don't think change is bad and I do feel that we can not only change our outward appearances, but we can also change our personalities to recognize that pleasing people is a good thing, even if it means going against your norm.
You know I was thinking a little of the same thing. I was actually thinking my daughter is much like OP. My daughter has Aspergers Syndrome; high functioning Autism, and is a lot like this. She lacks socialization skills almost all together. Says things out of place, things of the sort.
I'll elaborate a bit on the personality issue. For starters, I am boring. My interests are not typical of a person my age or really most people in general. I am interested in philosophical/moral issues. Small talk and shallow conversation is so difficult for me. It just seems pointless. And when something seems pointless, I can't motivate myself to bother. Another bad thing about me is that I tend to do what I want regardless of what people think. I refuse to conform to convention if I deem it illogical or immoral. This ends up making me a rather divisive figure. People seem to love me or hate me. There's rarely an inbetween.
I do find this to be judgmental of other people. Interesting people in general do not conform but that doesn't mean they put down other people's choices. They just don't make those choices.
Do you think you come off as judgmental in public?
Well fix it then. Go to church. Take up martial arts that will teach you discipline and develop character. Volunteer at a local hospital. Do something to take care of this. People CHOOSE to not be beautiful on the inside, its not how they are or how they are born. Your choices and what you do are what makes you not beautiful on the inside. This is easier to change than the outside.
Why exactly do you think you are not beautiful on the inside? Do you kick puppies? Yell at old people? Curse around children? What is it? My guess is that you've done something (or a few things) in your past that you are ashamed of and are very much hurting over. The fact that you hurt over these things show that you are not really ugly on the inside.
Seek a mental health provider. And while youre at it or waiting in the waiting room, read beauty/health mags like Vogue, Cosmo, Womens Fitness, etc. for tips on physical beauty.
Well fix it then. Go to church. Take up martial arts that will teach you discipline and develop character. Volunteer at a local hospital. Do something to take care of this. People CHOOSE to not be beautiful on the inside, its not how they are or how they are born. Your choices and what you do are what makes you not beautiful on the inside. This is easier to change than the outside.
Why exactly do you think you are not beautiful on the inside? Do you kick puppies? Yell at old people? Curse around children? What is it? My guess is that you've done something (or a few things) in your past that you are ashamed of and are very much hurting over. The fact that you hurt over these things show that you are not really ugly on the inside.
Seek a mental health provider. And while youre at it or waiting in the waiting room, read beauty/health mags like Vogue, Cosmo, Womens Fitness, etc. for tips on physical beauty.
You had me until you got to the "beauty mags" part. Beauty mags are not a good idea for young women struggling with self-esteem issues.
For those who haven't figured it out: mainstream "beauty" magazines are designed to make women feel bad about themselves. So that they will buy more of the advertisers wares.
Please note, I'm not condemning them wholesale. They are fine good fun as long as a woman reads them for "laughs" and takes them with a grain of salt.
I'll elaborate a bit on the personality issue. For starters, I am boring. My interests are not typical of a person my age or really most people in general. I am interested in philosophical/moral issues. Small talk and shallow conversation is so difficult for me. It just seems pointless. And when something seems pointless, I can't motivate myself to bother. Another bad thing about me is that I tend to do what I want regardless of what people think. I refuse to conform to convention if I deem it illogical or immoral. This ends up making me a rather divisive figure. People seem to love me or hate me. There's rarely an inbetween.
I am not a nice person. Some would go so far as to describe me as mean but I don't usually care enough to be outright insulting to most people. I am cold and keep my distance. I don't smile. My neutral face tends to look unhappy. Worst of all I suppose is the strong misanthropic sentiment I hold. In my mind most humans are potential threats ( I've promised myself that I'd never be a victim again) so it's only within the past couple of years that I've begun taking the risk of warming up to some humans. I am still not completely sure it's worth it.
I don't put any effort into my looks. I just honestly never cared before. I'm at point now where i think maybe I should start.
The reason I've asked if I needed to change was because I've observed people who (I think?) look worse than I do who have been in relationships. Obviously there must be something attractive there even though their looks aren't great.
Thanks for getting back to us and for your thoughtful insight.
I'm curious about where, exactly, you are meeting men. All these males who are not interesting in you, romantically, although they apparently want to be your friend.
It sounds as though you are fairly serious and introspective. If you are meeting "party boys" at bars and what not, they may just not be your type.
I wonder if broadening your horizons, joining new social groups and trying new activities might open up your options.
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