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Old 11-29-2011, 10:14 AM
 
206 posts, read 766,739 times
Reputation: 218

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so a little over a month ago i met this guy on an online dating site. i was fresh off a pretty jarring experience dating a psychopath liar for a very short term and looking to be distracted and move on. i logged on my okc account for what would be one of the last times and casually chat with who appeared to be an okay-looking guy. his profile didn't entice me much nor did it bring up under the surface redflags so i figured whats the harm in a quick meet?

so we meet and in person, again i was quite indifferent. physically he was quite cute and had a really amazing build, well dressed and largely aesthetically pleasing except for the slightly awkward manner in which he carried himself. i couldnt tell if he was just socially awkward or nervous because of meeting me. (most guys tend to go bezerk in my presence especially on dates. im not a particularly scary person so im not quite sure why i seem to give them the gitters) he was a thorough gentleman tho and we had a really interesting conversation. i was thinking "oh, he's cool." but wasn't thinking of him in romantic terms until halfway through he pointblankly said, "i want to take you to a second date"....i didnt know how to say no so i said "yes that should be fun"

so we go on date 2. things get better and in our 3rd date i began to feel more attracted to him. a month and a half into this i obviously do find him attractive but i'm realizing...im not that crazy about him. there are times when i find him look at him with that puppydog look and i dont have the heart to meet his eyes...

is this normal? will i begin to feel more and more attracted to him the more we hang out?
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:23 AM
 
4,868 posts, read 8,387,775 times
Reputation: 3161
after a month and a half, I don't think your attraction will grow much more at this point. You can give it another few weeks if you really want to see but it sounds like it won't change.
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:26 AM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,974 posts, read 33,835,228 times
Reputation: 10491
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariagostrey View Post
so a little over a month ago i met this guy on an online dating site. i was fresh off a pretty jarring experience dating a psychopath liar for a very short term and looking to be distracted and move on.
This is all many of us need to know about you. You are obviously not ready for another relationship because you still have "issues" with the guy you mentioned here. The fact that you had to go on about him instead of just saying "I recently ended a relationship" says you have issues going on here and as such, you are not ready for another relationship right now until you get over this.
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,163 posts, read 20,702,778 times
Reputation: 19855
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariagostrey View Post
so a little over a month ago i met this guy on an online dating site. i was fresh off a pretty jarring experience dating a psychopath liar for a very short term and looking to be distracted and move on. i logged on my okc account for what would be one of the last times and casually chat with who appeared to be an okay-looking guy. his profile didn't entice me much nor did it bring up under the surface redflags so i figured whats the harm in a quick meet?

so we meet and in person, again i was quite indifferent. physically he was quite cute and had a really amazing build, well dressed and largely aesthetically pleasing except for the slightly awkward manner in which he carried himself. i couldnt tell if he was just socially awkward or nervous because of meeting me. (most guys tend to go bezerk in my presence especially on dates. im not a particularly scary person so im not quite sure why i seem to give them the gitters) he was a thorough gentleman tho and we had a really interesting conversation. i was thinking "oh, he's cool." but wasn't thinking of him in romantic terms until halfway through he pointblankly said, "i want to take you to a second date"....i didnt know how to say no so i said "yes that should be fun"

so we go on date 2. things get better and in our 3rd date i began to feel more attracted to him. a month and a half into this i obviously do find him attractive but i'm realizing...im not that crazy about him. there are times when i find him look at him with that puppydog look and i dont have the heart to meet his eyes...

is this normal? will i begin to feel more and more attracted to him the more we hang out?
You can certainly learn to like someone more, but if there aren't any sparks this early on, there probably won't be. It's either there or it isn't. You can't force chemistry or sparks, it either has that "thing" or it doesn't.

If you have no desire to take this beyond the platonic level, it would be best to let him know that sooner rather than later.
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,520,167 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaoTzuMindFu View Post
This is all many of us need to know about you. You are obviously not ready for another relationship because you still have "issues" with the guy you mentioned here. The fact that you had to go on about him instead of just saying "I recently ended a relationship" says you have issues going on here and as such, you are not ready for another relationship right now until you get over this.

^This.

And I smell attention w**** as well.

"so we meet and in person, again i was quite indifferent. physically he was quite cute and had a really amazing build, well dressed and largely aesthetically pleasing except for the slightly awkward manner in which he carried himself. i couldnt tell if he was just socially awkward or nervous because of meeting me. (most guys tend to go bezerk in my presence especially on dates. im not a particularly scary person so im not quite sure why i seem to give them the gitters")
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:51 AM
 
4,868 posts, read 8,387,775 times
Reputation: 3161
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
^This.

And I smell attention w**** as well.

"so we meet and in person, again i was quite indifferent. physically he was quite cute and had a really amazing build, well dressed and largely aesthetically pleasing except for the slightly awkward manner in which he carried himself. i couldnt tell if he was just socially awkward or nervous because of meeting me. (most guys tend to go bezerk in my presence especially on dates. im not a particularly scary person so im not quite sure why i seem to give them the gitters")
what you bolded has nothing to do with attention w***ing. I can relate. men get all jittery around me too..but then it stops after 2 dates lol.
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Old 11-29-2011, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 18,423,957 times
Reputation: 10148
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariagostrey View Post
so a little over a month ago i met this guy on an online dating site. i was fresh off a pretty jarring experience dating a psychopath liar for a very short term and looking to be distracted and move on. i logged on my okc account for what would be one of the last times and casually chat with who appeared to be an okay-looking guy. his profile didn't entice me much nor did it bring up under the surface redflags so i figured whats the harm in a quick meet?

so we meet and in person, again i was quite indifferent. physically he was quite cute and had a really amazing build, well dressed and largely aesthetically pleasing except for the slightly awkward manner in which he carried himself. i couldnt tell if he was just socially awkward or nervous because of meeting me. (most guys tend to go bezerk in my presence especially on dates. im not a particularly scary person so im not quite sure why i seem to give them the gitters) he was a thorough gentleman tho and we had a really interesting conversation. i was thinking "oh, he's cool." but wasn't thinking of him in romantic terms until halfway through he pointblankly said, "i want to take you to a second date"....i didnt know how to say no so i said "yes that should be fun"

so we go on date 2. things get better and in our 3rd date i began to feel more attracted to him. a month and a half into this i obviously do find him attractive but i'm realizing...im not that crazy about him. there are times when i find him look at him with that puppydog look and i dont have the heart to meet his eyes...

is this normal? will i begin to feel more and more attracted to him the more we hang out?
Are you sure you can tell the difference between "She''s HOT jittery" and "Damn! She needs some deoderant jittery?" Just sayin! If you couldnt tell your ex was a phsyco after 3 dates how can you tell whats giving this one the jitters?
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Old 11-29-2011, 11:37 AM
 
206 posts, read 766,739 times
Reputation: 218
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
You can certainly learn to like someone more, but if there aren't any sparks this early on, there probably won't be. It's either there or it isn't. You can't force chemistry or sparks, it either has that "thing" or it doesn't.

If you have no desire to take this beyond the platonic level, it would be best to let him know that sooner rather than later.
yeah it took me a long time to feel "sparks" with him. our first kiss was so...not sparks-inducing. but after having spent the night at his place cuddling for hours i leave feeling happy and comfy and cared for. its a nice feeling...its just...i wish there was that OMG spark. it hasnt been there yet. not at all saying that i don't like him as an individual or something. i love spending time with him, we have a natural, unforced, no-stress chemistry...and he adores me. making me breakfast. carrying me out to the table, dining and wining me. he goes all out...he seems like such a great guy...i dont know why im not head over heels yet
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,520,167 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86 View Post
what you bolded has nothing to do with attention w***ing. I can relate. men get all jittery around me too..but then it stops after 2 dates lol.
In the context of the OP's body of work on this forum, I think I'm pretty accurate. Now I also understand that you and OP, from looking at both of your pix, do cause this reaction in our gender, but she's been really disingenuous about it.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
10,379 posts, read 10,838,709 times
Reputation: 18712
Break it off, nicely. He hasn't done anything to hurt you from what you've said, so try to be as kind as possible.
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