Dating a "real man".. NOT!!! (long-term, call, relations)

[floridadreamer]

IMO, sounds like one of two things. He either got freaked out because things were going alittle TOO well, or he met someone else...

Either way, no excuse. Saying where are the REAL mean is right!

[Marylandkitten]

maybe he found out he had some terrible disease ...and you're not the top most thing on his mind at the moment, other than (note to self : stop sleeping with people) ?

mayyybe you were a bet his friends made. ..that idea may be from watching too many movies though.

Maybe you shouldn't beat yourself up so bad over it..and if it's really bothering you ~ why don't you approach him on it so you can put it to rest? It might make you feel better knowing, even if you're setting yourself up for embarassment, rather than in turmoil, never knowing why he just ditched you like that..

[Lyndalooo]

Rosa, I never said he was gay! I was responding to someone else's comment. I never said that "because he wasn't interested, he was gay". What I did say was that his "clothing" and "shaved head" made people of the gay community question his sexual orientation and "I did tell them not as far as I know, that he is vain and likes showing his muscles, lol". Meaning, as far as I know he is straight.. that should not be hard to understand.

Kitten, we met away from both our friends and family. When we went out it was just the two of us, no friends. Although, he did take me to one of his business event/party's, so I know it was no bet. As far as diseases, I hope he had none, because we did eventually become intimate. Yes protection was used. Embarassment, is not so much an issue as honesty and truth. My whole point in all this is... I don't understand why a guy would be a coward. It only takes a few minutes to email or call. A confident, well adjusted man would face the issue not run and hide, in which I thought he was both.

[Rosa canina]

The simple fact is is that when a man doesn't return a woman's calls, it's because he doesn't want to. Some women make all sorts of excuses for that, usually revolving around what is wrong with the guy. He just doesn't want to see you again, he's done, whether he's a coward or not is rather beside the point, because he isn't the person that you thought that he was.

My comment about the gay thing was more to address that than anything else; my reading comprehension really is up to understanding that you weren't saying that he was gay.

[MainStreet]

Originally Posted by Rosa canina

Well, I don't know what the young gays are wearing these days, but it's a mistake to decide that because a man isn't interested in you, he's gay.

I want to make sure I didn't offend anyone. I have several openingly gay friends and what the difference between opening gay and latent gay is that openingly gay are balanced, happy people. Latent...trust me I have MAJOR experience dating, not one, not two, not three, but FOUR men ended up being latent homosexuals. My best friend found out her husband was gay after 15 years of marriage. They are out there, not managing their lives very well and down right miserable men.

Latent are fighting a internal struggle with themselves and they have a tendency to over compensative this torment within them by being players of many women at one time. So actually #2 and #3 from the earlier post could be tied together.

How did I find out my ex bfs were latent? They used my computer and left there finger prints and keystrokes all over it. Gay websites, sex now sites, you name it. I must attract them, because they are definitely another reason why I'll likely stay single for a very long time. And all four would rather die than admit they are gay. They are not living authentically and their entire life is a lie....imagine that torment. I feel a lot of sympathy for them and remain friends with one. Three of them are in their 40's, never married, no kids and were terrible in bed. One even licked my face like a dog, lol....HUGE RED FLAG....LMAO.

[MainStreet]

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

It's sad this guy is in business and I hate to think I referred many of my friends to him already. I hope he doesn't treat his clients this way by ignoring or avoiding them, or he will either be flipping burgers or on the streets. I just think a persons behavior in their personal life carry's over into their professional life. One thing that really bothered me was his racist off colored jokes, belittling anyone not up to his standards. I am now thinking I got the better deal out of this and I am the lucky one. If this would have went further and considering he has the tendencies of being a coward, liar and player.... who knows what else he might have lied about, std? might be married? or he just could swing both ways! Come to think of it.. he doesn't sound so great now.

Criticism of others is text book insecurity. The tank shirt? (over compensating) He's hiding something. Trust me, you missed a bullet with this one. HIGH FIVE SISTER!!!!!

[FeelGood]

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

Where are the real men at?

Sounds as if you might have met one...

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

Recently I started dating a guy. Things were going great.... then. Well, that seems to be the problem.. then what happened? I have no clue. We talked every day for weeks about anything and everything, went out, and really enjoyed each others company.

To fast, grasshopper! Unless one was terminally ill; why rush it?

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

The last weekend we saw each other, the first night was great. The next day I noticed him pulling away.

Sounds as if it was great, for one. You were happy, so far.

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

He said everything was fine. When we parted ways on Sunday we made plans for another date. However, I have spoken to him only once in the last couple of weeks. I normally do not call guys, but I have called him 2 or 3 times and left a message each time. No return call.

Did you think about him more than normal, sense he didn't return your calls?
Did this increase your interest level in him?

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

So my question(s) is/are.. Where are the real men and are there any out there? NOTHING IRKS ME MORE than a so called "man" that just slithers away with no explanation.

Maybe, just maybe the concept of 'u' *pause* pushed him away...

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

IMO this type of guy is a coward and has no backbone.

Beautiful! So, you miss him more than ever?! This 'man' was different, and that's what attracted you to him, eh?

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

Even if I do not want to see a guy again, I at least talk to him and am honest with him. I do not just avoid or ignore him. I let him know I do not want to continue dating and why. Why are guys so chicken to face up to women?

You miss him and you're upset... It hurts more to be dumped versus, being the dumper. Now it's known how it feels, which sucks. Women do this to men repeatedly, showing no remorse, and now the shoe is reversed, karma! Time heals all wounds, so, let it go. His interest level was lowered by something done in the past, and he saved your time by breaking it off... Just because the words were not said, 'it's over' doesn't mean it isn't!

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

A real "guy" "man" would never just ignore or avoid someone they were dating or even went out with a few times. Only thing I can assume is that this guy is a player and does this to many women, and I was played by a "real man" NOT!!!

Obviously, some folks need more closure at the end of the two month stretch. This man RAN away, for his reasons and never looked back. Seriously, don't blame the player, blame the game!
Logic: this man avoided wasting time and broke the relationship off for the best interests.

Originally Posted by Rosa canina

-snip- Should have parted ways the morning after and left him wanting more -snip-

Wow. If the man asked for your number and took you out for a good time. Leaving him “wanting more” tells me there was a low interest level. Sounds like a professional dater, but I could be wrong.

Originally Posted by Rosa canina

Yuck. I sound like one of those "Rules Girls" here.

Rules are only what we make for ourselves.

Originally Posted by Rosa canina

But I think it may be a case of "too much too soon".

Ding Ding Ding! What do we have for our lucky winner, Vanna?

Originally Posted by dixierox

-snip- But men do need to be challenged in a lot of ways. If you throw your "whole self" out there then there's no challenge for them.

Huh? Go ahead, lay down the fashion magazine. There are many challenges the man faces prior to the end of the first date. If you love him, let'em know without asking them to say it back.
My personal record for having a girl say “I love you” is less than two hours.

Originally Posted by dixierox

At the same time your building a friendship and anticipation...something to look forward to.

Hahaha! Dating is not looking for a friend, let alone a friendship. That's twisted!
A K9 can be a friend, but we don't date K9's, do we?

Originally Posted by dixierox

I also believe that men like a woman who has her own thing going on. That they're independent and have a life outside of the relationship. Make them miss you a bit.
But you're right, there's no excuse for not being honest and open when it comes to ending a relationship.

If we were all fun and great company. Wouldn't you miss the other automatically? Using a game in dating so they “miss you a bit” is a sign of low interest. If you're truly interested in the significant other; would you still play games?

Originally Posted by mommabear2

This happens to everyone - guy/girl seems interested... then all of a sudden they are not. Consider yourself lucky that he cut you off before things became really serious.

Props to mommabear2! There's a reason to the method of the madness. “All of a sudden” doesn't -just happen- out of the big blue sky.

Originally Posted by MainStreet

-snip-
1. He's just not that into you and is a coward.

Talk about compounded / loaded arm chair verbage...

Originally Posted by MainStreet

2. You're right and he's a player that isn't managing his women very well. It's easier for him to just ignore you and hope you go away.

Well, how can he miss you if you won't go away?
It's easy, almost human nature to put blame on others, versus self awareness by personal accountability. Some women have pride and ego issues too.

Originally Posted by MainStreet

3. He's a latent homosexual who hasn't admitted he's not into woman and probably never will admit it.

This is true! That's one heck of a reach. It's rare, but some folks are latent homosexuals.

Originally Posted by Roaddog

maybe he just wasn't interested in a relationship, maybe he felt things went to fast or that you were to serious. it doesn't mean he's a bad guy, I dated girls who did the same thing and I didn't feel they were bad.

Well done!

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

ROFL MainStreet, I would like to choose # 3, but can we forget the "not into me" part of #1 and combine the coward and #3 together? What's really funny is that one of my friends (who is gay) saw a picture of him.. and asked me if he was a homosexual because of what he was wearing. It seems one of his favorite outfits is a signal in that community. A black belt, tank, and light colored pants/shorts, along with keeping a shaved head. (maybe just in this region, idk) However, I did tell them not as far as I know, that he is vain and likes showing his muscles, lol.

Hmm, that's profiling and profiling is wrong!

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

Anyway.... The weekend I am speaking of we both did have to work so we were not together 24/7 and plus I went home at night. With our schedules we were only able to see each other on weekends or every few weeks. Before then HE called me every day or evening. I rarely if any called him. So HE was doing the chasing, the one doing the asking out and making plans for future dates. For some reason he became "not into me" or possibly I was just too much woman for him, lol .

Together 24/7 is way to much time together. (Feel smothered lately? Or just needy?)
The man did make multiple mistakes in dating, but it takes two to tango.
“Just too much woman” lead by the ego of girl power!? That's kinda funny...
We're not very shy, are we, darling?

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

Maybe I will never know his thoughts or reasoning. I just wish he would be a man, grow some balls and make it a nice break.

From the sound of things. Don'tcha already known if the balls were in the correct area?
Living in the past does not carve our destiny...let it go.

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

It's sad this guy is in business and I hate to think I referred many of my friends to him already. I hope he doesn't treat his clients this way by ignoring or avoiding them, or he will either be flipping burgers or on the streets.

Business before pleasure!
Only pimps/hookers mix business and pleasure!

Remember, you may not be a hooker, but you're dressed like one! Barn

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

I just think a persons behavior in their personal life carry's over into their professional life.

Preconceved notions about life, darling.

Originally Posted by Lyndalooo

One thing that really bothered me was his racist off colored jokes, belittling anyone not up to his standards. I am now thinking I got the better deal out of this and I am the lucky one. If this would have went further and considering he has the tendencies of being a coward, liar and player.... who knows what else he might have lied about, std? might be married? or he just could swing both ways! Come to think of it.. he doesn't sound so great now.

Well done! Rationizing the break with double standards.
Now...let me check...yep...found it!
Wasn't there a joke made about “the man” and #3, being that he might be homosexual?
Now, it “really bothered” you and now you're using “off colored jokes, belittling” him?
Talk about being inconsistent within your own thread.
Real mature...I would have RAN too!
“No use to run if on the wrong road, grasshopper.” Old Chinese Proverb

Originally Posted by floridadreamer

IMO, sounds like one of two things. He either got freaked out because things were going alittle TOO well, or he met someone else...

Either way, no excuse. Saying where are the REAL mean is right!

There are more than 11 movements of the suspension travel of a car as the car travels down a canyon road. To only say, “one of two things”. Really puts a limit on being objective.

Originally Posted by MainStreet

Criticism of others is text book insecurity. The tank shirt? (over compensating) He's hiding something. Trust me, you missed a bullet with this one. HIGH FIVE SISTER!!!!!

Huh? Doesn't a tank top expose more versus hiding something?
What text book was used as reference toward defining 'insecurity'? That was a rhetorical question.

[Sam I Am]

WHAT is your agenda? You have picked apart almost everything that was said.

I've gone back and looked at some of your posts.....because you've obviously got issues with females and apparently have been burned is no reason to go sarcastic and slimy on this poster. Some of your points could be make without the underlying edge. Cool your jets.

For the OP - remember, no one on this forum is anyone you are likely to stand next to at the grocery store. Take the advice (or not advice, just weird ramblings) with a grain of salt.

[MainStreet]

Originally Posted by Sam I Am

WHAT is your agenda? You have picked apart almost everything that was said.

I've gone back and looked at some of your posts.....because you've obviously got issues with females and apparently have been burned is no reason to go sarcastic and slimy on this poster. Some of your points could be make without the underlying edge. Cool your jets.

For the OP - remember, no one on this forum is anyone you are likely to stand next to at the grocery store. Take the advice (or not advice, just weird ramblings) with a grain of salt.

FeelGood, thanks for providing the laugh of the day. Hysterical. It was like watching an episode of The Colbert Report! Kudos!

[songinthewind7]

Back when I was in the dating scene, I met a lot of guys online from the dating sites.
Usually, after the first meeting, we knew if we were going to continue going out or stop it there.
However, if we continued on and one of us got bored with the other, most of the time we let each other know about it and moved on.
I did date this man one time and we were having a good time and he did the same thing; started pulling away. To this day, I don't know what the problem was but I for one appreciate honesty and since the guy was a big coward anyway, I'm definately better off without someone like that.
You should be too.
I have nothing against gay men at all but I don't want a man that dresses gay. Tank tops showing off muscles is gay. Red flag.