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DEAR AMY: Three years ago when I started dating my husband, I asked him about kids and he said, "I could never have kids." Then I asked about what would happen if I got pregnant, and he said we would raise the child together.
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I knew it was wrong, but I would accidentally-on-purpose skip days of my birth control, eventually ceasing to take the pills at all. I knew that if we had a child, my husband would grow to love it. The problem was that, after months of this, I never conceived.
And then:
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I discovered that he had a vasectomy a year before we met!
Gotta love how it was ok for her to decieve, but once the tables turned.. "oh no you dinnit!" Turnabout is fair play.
He should certainly have told his girlfriend/wife about that surgery. However, I don't think one can compare the dishonestly over an undisclosed surgical procedure with the massive dishonesty associated with his wife trying to get pregnant on the sly--which would have been a huge change in all their lives that he specifically said he did not want in the early stages of their relationship.
It's ok for people to change their minds about things like having kids--but if your partner isn't on board with your change of heart than the responsible thing is to find a new partner who shares your goals. Or, break up and have the child on your own.
Imagine this child growing up with resentment from its own father.
The guy was telling the truth, so it's not like she can accuse him of being deceptive.
Kind of.
That's why, when you testify in court, you pledge to "Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."
He told the truth, but he didn't tell the whole truth. He found a weaselly way to communicate that he'd been snipped, one that could be interpreted in any number of ways.
Well one could argue that after he stated he can't have kids...she should of asked WHY that is the case. In this case a divorce is best option. As long as he is the husband...if she gets pregnant by another man..he is on the hook for that kid..even if it's not biologically his.
Well one could argue that after he stated he can't have kids...she should of asked WHY that is the case. In this case a divorce is best option. As long as he is the husband...if she gets pregnant by another man..he is on the hook for that kid..even if it's not biologically his.
Well, yes and no. The phrase, "I couldn't have kids" is vague, and could be interpreted to mean either a physical or emotional inability. Yes, the dolt should have explored further with the guy. But he essentially disclosed the very bare minimum of information--not exactly a healthy start to any kind of relationship if you ask me.
First, he should have told her so that she didn't have to be on the Pill in the first place and subject herself to any side effects or risks associated with it.
Second, her deception is far worse, however, as it had the potential to affect more than just her own life, but his and that of any child that was conceived as a result. And not for nothing, but skipping "a few" pills each month and then taking others is not recommended. Although the Pill is not considered a risk to the fetus, doing what she did makes it hard to tell if there is a pregnancy or if it's just hormonal upset. If she thought she wasn't pregnant when she was, and drank alcohol or smoked, that could have affected the fetus. Although we don't know if she drinks or smokes, on the surface, it seems she was willing to take that risk.
If I were the man, I'd divorce the irresponsible, conniving little brat.
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