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Old 12-04-2011, 11:50 AM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,699,647 times
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Some people always have that "one" they can go back too who has always been there and this guy was that one to me. The reason I didn't want anything serious with him is because I was bffs with his sister and I valued our friendship more. Although he didn't care about his sister feelings, I just didn't want to take the risk. However I always held on to the thought of us getting together. I had been thinking about him lately, I guess that feeling people get when someone has moved on from them, so I decided to call him. He answered and sounded happy to hear from me however I could hear a little nervousness in his voice. So I asked was he busy and he said yes then he asked had I been to his sister's house but he knows his sister and I aren't cool anymore but I think he asked me that because his gal was around cos shortly after, the phone suddenly hung up.

I started to call right back but then I figured he was probably with his gal, then I thought to check his twitter. So I find his twitter page and he asked a DJ was he available in May and the DJ said he wasn't sure why...then he stated for his WEDDING! If my mouth could drop to the floor it would have like I couldn't believe what I read and sure enough him and his FIANCE were together at a happy hour during our phone convo.

I immediately started feeling some type of way, I can't really describe the feeling because I'm not upset, not really disappointed but kind of sad in a way I guess. Its like apart of me doesn't want him to get married because I will not have the option to marry him if I wanted too. *Selfish I know*
I've always said he and I would always share a special connection but I guess you never think about the day that "one" would no longer be an option. *sad face*

I'm also a little upset that I didn't do what I wanted and he and I get together despite his sister and I friendship because now we're not even friends anymore and I basically sacrificed my happiness at the time for nothing. At this point he and I are not an option romantically and I do think his fiance is a good fit for him...its just that feeling of having to let go and leave the past in the past I guess.

If anyone has seen the movie The Best Man, the Nia Long and Taye Diggs character perfectly describes my situation.

Last edited by Shysister; 12-04-2011 at 12:44 PM..
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:18 PM
 
Location: So Cal
47,107 posts, read 46,558,206 times
Reputation: 48104
It is sorta sad, really. Missed opportunities. Things happen and life unfolds. It sometimes unfolds in ways that we might not care for.

Lennon said it best, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

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Old 12-04-2011, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 24,278,543 times
Reputation: 24069
Yep..we live and learn! Wish him well, close this chapter, and move on! Good luck!
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Old 12-04-2011, 05:27 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 94,956,255 times
Reputation: 40098
He who hesitates is lost.

Hope you won't let it happen again

Sorry for your disappointment.
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Old 12-05-2011, 04:21 PM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 17,727,279 times
Reputation: 11675
You could have guessed better and faired worse too.

I know it is difficult. I had a very close female friend through and immediately after college that I felt I was falling in love with. However, she had a history of not liking it when "friends" started to feel more for her. So I was afraid to make a move and never did. We remained friends for a while, but she eventually married and left for her own life. My attempt to maintain friendship and not risk it for something greater ended in a painful loss of everything for me anyway.

I initially had regrets, and it took a long time for me to move on. When I finally could, I was blessed with meeting someone who was a far better match for me, and someone I love exponentially more!

So I would only caution not to be sad and down about it too long. You made your decision then and that opportunity has passed, but it may be for the best, with a far greater opportunity coming your way! My only regret was waiting so long (years) before getting "over" it and honestly moving on.

Best of luck!!
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Old 12-05-2011, 07:10 PM
 
220 posts, read 561,449 times
Reputation: 337
I know it's bold, but tell him how you feel. Better now than later or never. The conversation may give you closure and help you to move on.
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Old 12-05-2011, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 84,095,208 times
Reputation: 22814
Ha-ha, that's too funny! So, you expected him to wait around for you all his life until you perhaps, maybe, possibly decide you want him... whenever the fancy strikes you...
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Old 12-05-2011, 07:37 PM
 
Location: The State Line
2,442 posts, read 3,624,237 times
Reputation: 2819
I think you know your instinct knows best: at least you can admit it is somewhat selfish. He may have liked you at one point, but you are not the only girl out there. You had to expect he would move on at some point in life and not "keep pining" forever. I'm not trying to be mean, just being honest based on an outsider's perspective. This is a case of wanting something only because you realize you soon won't have the "option" of having it anymore.

Seems like he has a lot of respect for his girl and doesn't have those kind of feelings for you. He probably just thought it awkward that you would suddenly call him out of the blue after an extended period of time. Otherwise, he might have even called you back, or shown other ways of being interested in going down "memory lane". Wish him well, and move on--based on his actions, he certainly has. Remember, he's not the only guy either.

(Slightly off topic, but weren't you engaged to someone at some point?)
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Old 12-05-2011, 08:03 PM
 
663 posts, read 1,025,367 times
Reputation: 945
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister;
Some people always have that "one" they can go back too who has always been there and this guy was that one to me. The reason I didn't want anything serious with him is because I was bffs with his sister and I valued our friendship more. Although he didn't care about his sister feelings, I just didn't want to take the risk. However I always held on to the thought of us getting together. I had been thinking about him lately, I guess that feeling people get when someone has moved on from them, so I decided to call him. He answered and sounded happy to hear from me however I could hear a little nervousness in his voice. So I asked was he busy and he said yes then he asked had I been to his sister's house but he knows his sister and I aren't cool anymore but I think he asked me that because his gal was around cos shortly after, the phone suddenly hung up.

I started to call right back but then I figured he was probably with his gal, then I thought to check his twitter. So I find his twitter page and he asked a DJ was he available in May and the DJ said he wasn't sure why...then he stated for his WEDDING! If my mouth could drop to the floor it would have like I couldn't believe what I read and sure enough him and his FIANCE were together at a happy hour during our phone convo.

I immediately started feeling some type of way, I can't really describe the feeling because I'm not upset, not really disappointed but kind of sad in a way I guess. Its like apart of me doesn't want him to get married because I will not have the option to marry him if I wanted too. *Selfish I know*

I've always said he and I would always share a special connection but I guess you never think about the day that "one" would no
longer be an option. *sad face*


I'm also a little upset that I didn't do what I wanted and he and I get together despite his sister and I friendship because now we're not
even friends anymore and I basically sacrificed my happiness at the time for nothing. At this point he and I are not an option romantically and I do think his fiance is a good fit for him...its just that feeling of having to let go and leave the past in the past I guess.


If anyone has seen the movie The Best Man, the Nia Long and Taye Diggs character perfectly describes my situation.
I can sort of relate. My HS boyfriend (we're both in our 40s now) and I got together when I separated from my first husband and the HS BF was in the middle of moving out of the house he had been living in with his GF at the time. Based on the past, I too thought we had that special connection. Once we got together for a few dates I realized, for me, the chemistry was gone. Still a great guy but things changed, as they often do with time.

We both met other people and I have been very happily remarried for 16 years plus. The last I knew my ex was also happy, which I was glad to hear.

Sometimes the past colors what a person thinks about old flames, etc. I'm not saying that's the case for you, but it could be. It was the case for me and I'm glad I met the man I'm married to now. Sometimes the past is best left in the past.

I disagree with letting your ex know how you feel, as someone mentioned
above. Sounds like there were chances for you to do that and you weren't interested in disclosing your feelings before, it would be unfair to do that now that he's married. Just my two cents.
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Old 12-05-2011, 08:12 PM
 
25,735 posts, read 28,486,529 times
Reputation: 24534
OP, the way I would look at it is: if it were right, if it were going to "be," one of you would have made a move well before now. Something told both of you that somehow, having the whole enchilada just would not work out. You didn't lose the love of your life. That is yet to come.
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