Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I always said I was the safety net. He always thought there might be something better out there - what he defined as "better" I don't know. Just in case he couldn't get better, he'd have me to fall back on. If I had knew this was going on, I would have shredded the net and let him fall.....hard.
Many yearrs ago, I got married at 24 years to my foreign boyfriend, In just one weeks time We had to part for a week as I had to go to Buenos aires for a dancing job. My then Husband had to go home to Columbia as He was selling his home and had been telephoning abroad for the 18 months we lived together( we had met working on cruise liners). When i arrived in Argentina, my dancing full equity contract went wrong and it was a strip club. I needed to contact my husband and the only number I had was the so called house agency that he had been calling from England. An Argentinian girl rang the number for me only to find that the number was not an estate agency..... it was his girlfriends La Novia, and her Mother answered the phone. She said that my husband was engaged to be married to her daughter and had just come back from an English jail!!!!!! My world ended......I couldnt feel my legs! I had only just married him and was so in love.......
33 years on, the pain is still with me and you never forget! So please, wake up, be honest, cause you always get found out.....destroying so many lives! His lies wrecked my and my families lifes.... cost my parents a fortune for the wedding!!! I felt so ashamed.......So girls...dont trust those georgeous looking foreign men.......they are looking for a passport!!!!
I am just wondering what is the point of cheating I guess? If a person is that unhappy or unfulfilled, why cheat, why not just leave?
Too much paperwork to leave and they aren't about to file for divorce when it could cost them their home, money etc. simply b/c they wanted to 'get some' on the side.... If they can string both women along, for a duration they will do that. My aunt has had the same job since she was 22, she's 55 now. This is around 2006 or so: Anyways, her no good husband cheated on her after 30+ years of marriage and got another married woman pregnant that he works with. They both left their spouses for each other & live together now. My aunt filed for divorce and got both cars and the house. They didn't even have minor kids anymore (2 girls, 2 boys are grown). That's his fault, he shouldn't have cheated in the first place.
Last edited by Doll Eyes; 03-04-2012 at 01:56 PM..
Most married people I have known who cheated were women. I've always believed it's a myth that more men cheat than women. I believe it's pretty much equal, especially since women have entered the workplace in the past 40+ years.
I know that everyone here at CD is perfect but im not. I cheated on my husband, and wasn't so great at it. It ended our marriage.
Why did I cheat? I didn't feel loved and appreciated. My ex spent every night drinking beer and playing video games in a seperate room until wee hours of the night, long after I'd gone to bed. He was chronically unemployed/under employed, and so paying the mortgage and bills fell to me. I was self employed at the time, so I felt tremendous pressure every single day. And my business wasn't an easy one.
One day I went to a wedding in another state - my ex didn't feel like making the trip - which was fully attended by people in my industry. I met a man at the reception. He wasnt much to look at, but he was smar and engaging. And he made me feel like a woman again, something that had vanished 5 years prior in my marriage. So I slept with him that night. And a month later I did it again. And again. Eventually my ex asked me straight up whether I cheated and since I'm not a great liar I hesitated. The *** was up. when we divorced I fell into a major depression about my guilt, and literally spent the first year drinking heavily in my bathrobe day after day.
Fair or not, if you don't actively maintain a loving, intimate, sexual relationship with your spouse, he or she is going to cheat. I felt horrible about what I did, but sorry it's his fault too. Love, intimacy and sex are a part of the bargain when you marry. Folks who think their spouse should live a celibate life because "I'm just not in the mood" or "I'd rather play video games" are dreaming.
There's my two cents, mostly directed at people who aren't sleeping with their husband or wife.
I know that everyone here at CD is perfect but im not. I cheated on my husband, and wasn't so great at it. It ended our marriage.
Why did I cheat? I didn't feel loved and appreciated. My ex spent every night drinking beer and playing video games in a seperate room until wee hours of the night, long after I'd gone to bed. He was chronically unemployed/under employed, and so paying the mortgage and bills fell to me. I was self employed at the time, so I felt tremendous pressure every single day. And my business wasn't an easy one.
One day I went to a wedding in another state - my ex didn't feel like making the trip - which was fully attended by people in my industry. I met a man at the reception. He wasnt much to look at, but he was smar and engaging. And he made me feel like a woman again, something that had vanished 5 years prior in my marriage. So I slept with him that night. And a month later I did it again. And again. Eventually my ex asked me straight up whether I cheated and since I'm not a great liar I hesitated. The *** was up. when we divorced I fell into a major depression about my guilt, and literally spent the first year drinking heavily in my bathrobe day after day.
Fair or not, if you don't actively maintain a loving, intimate, sexual relationship with your spouse, he or she is going to cheat. I felt horrible about what I did, but sorry it's his fault too. Love, intimacy and sex are a part of the bargain when you marry. Folks who think their spouse should live a celibate life because "I'm just not in the mood" or "I'd rather play video games" are dreaming.
There's my two cents, mostly directed at people who aren't sleeping with their husband or wife.
The part in bold is too declarative, I think. Your spouse might cheat is more like it.
I say this because I see parallels between your second paragraph and my marriage, and like any other woman whose husband would rather play video games than pull his weight, I felt as you did.
But I didn't cheat. I told him I wanted a divorce. Oh, I thought about other men, all right. But that was how I knew it was over. There's finding passers-by on the street attractive, or even thinking a coworker is handsome, and then there is "I'd rather be out there dating someone like XYZ [in particular]."
In general, as you demonstrated, cheating means the cheater's needs are not being met. That does not mean it's all the other spouse's fault, or absolve the cheater of blame, however. I know you didn't say it was, but there are people on here who like to foist responsibility for their actions on others without looking at their own contributions to the failure of a marriage, so I'm writing this stuff out, anyway. If your needs are not being met, you (in the general sense) need to speak up and get your spouse to understand that you need more than what he or she is giving you in terms of the relationship, not just sexually, but emotionally. If your spouse won't work with you on that, that's when you have a choice to make--and when you make it, it's yours and yours alone.
I am just wondering what is the point of cheating I guess? If a person is that unhappy or unfulfilled, why cheat, why not just leave?
It's often more complicated than that. I have to be honest, I have cheated on someone who I dated before. I don't feel good about it, but I'm not going to rack my brain over it. For a lot of people, they'll have been in a relationship for quite some time and then the relationship gets boring, but they do not want to let it go because they "don't want to lose what they had" (which, just so you know my opinion, is very dumb but that's what love does to you).
You are making a bad supposition - that you have to be unhappy to want to cheat.
You love your spouse, you love your kids, you love your home, you love your dogs, you love your in-laws, you love your life...
But that person over there looks like a tasty side treat.
You don't want to give up everything you love just to have a little snizzack! You want to rock your world without rocking the boat.
A little side action is the answer to that.
People who are happily in love don't cheat. The kids, the house, the dogs, etc., fine. But people who are truly and happily in love don't cheat, not because they don't find others attractive, but because they know it would devastate the person they love and because they would not be so dishonest and disrespectful to that person as to slink around behind his or her back.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
