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Old 08-30-2007, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 3,363,061 times
Reputation: 763

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MainStreet View Post
He was VERY charismatic.

In hind sight I should have suspected something because he would forget what BS story he had told me and would tell you the same story over and over. So if something poignant happened to him, he would forget which girlfriend he told and end up telling you twice.

He also used his "kids" as an excuse not to see me. Remove "kids" and insert "buddies."

Honestly, if his ego made me feel like a little peon in his life....I'd get out.

Research Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see if you recognize anything else.
WOW. Sounds like someone I know. Ha Ha
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Old 08-30-2007, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,527,951 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by treeg26 View Post
WOW. Sounds like someone I know. Ha Ha
LOL....I've often thought what fun it would be to put a billboard of his face downtown "Do you know this man....warning!!!!" I read my earlier post and see one thing I would like to add. When he was using his "kids" as an excuse not to see me, he was actually seeing one of his many woman....I know his wife...he never sees his kids.

At one point I thought, I've never know two kids that had more soccer games in my life.
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Old 08-30-2007, 12:55 PM
 
3 posts, read 4,484 times
Reputation: 10
Thank you all for your VERY kind words and even better advice

Though I would like to say that he's definetly NOT the type that would have other mistresses or something, since he really has a dislike for most women, like the girls at his work, and i'm not really worried about him cheating on me or anything hehe.

And to answer another question he would tell me how his friends are like a little makeshift family he has, which I completely understand and respect . And yes perhaps it would be a good idea to arrange some romantic and/or quiet evening with him, and make it very clear to him that this OUR time to be with each other and that his friends will have to wait, unless it's like an absolute emergency. Like, I believe he sometimes has that "First come, first serve" mentality, when it comes to things like his buddies. And I really do sometimes think he's testing my tolerance also, i'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking that. And again, thank you all so much
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Old 08-30-2007, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,256 posts, read 8,881,480 times
Reputation: 1848
Realisticly though, family wouldn't have the right to expect him to be at their beck and call either. If it were family doing it, i would still would still want that nipped in the bud before it to serious. I wouldn't wamt to marry into a family like that.
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Old 08-30-2007, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,841 posts, read 30,100,958 times
Reputation: 19027
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Bird View Post
Hello everyone, this is going to be my first post, so pretty please go easy on me

Well, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 5 months and everything seems alright. Like We both really care about each ohter. But as of lately, I really kinda feel like he's putting his buddies over me, like I feel that I have to fight and compete for his attention, since he's some-what charismatic and attracts a lot of people, in a friendly way of course, like people will always come to him for problems and whatnot. But I really didn't say anything about it, because I really didn't want to come off as being a selfish person. So I try to just dismiss my feelings of feeling neglected and that i'm just being paranoid.

Like..there will be times where I don't even feel like his girlfriend, and just one of his "buddies" and then I have to take number and wait in line just so that I can get to at least talk to him. I actually joked about it to him, though I was indirectly telling him how I was feeling, but he probably didn't really catch it, and just chuckeld saying "Heeeey c'moon, I can' help that i'm so awesome!!", and i'd respond with a smile and a polite chuckle, hiding the fact that I felt really bad and it seriously makes me feel like crap to the point where I could just cry

Maybe it's just because i'm a passive person by nature and try to give him as much space as I can, because I don't really want to be that typical obsessive girlfriend who constantly nags and nags on and on. And like..I also don't want to feel like i'm pulling him away from his friends you know?
And I have no intention of wanting to end our relationship because I feel like this; and maybe i'm just being a little paranoid about this whole thing!!

I feel a teeny bit better being able to vent. But I would also like to see what someone else thinks of this and either tell me i'm being paranoid or is this not a good situation that will hopefully change? I really need the advice now

Thank you so much for reading and sorry for the long post


- Amelie
Hi Amelie, a great post...

You sound like an awesome lady, and do sometimes what most women do...try to put our own feelings on hold...but sometime, when you do that...you enable the situation...yanno...and your fella sounds compassionate, and like he would really want to know if he is doing something that almost brings you to tears. If it was him...wouldn't you want to know.

1. You should talk to him...when it's right...tell him right out, what you wrote here..and, here's the test...watch his face...especially his eyes, and see if his first reaction is genuine concern for you, or will he immediately try and defend his actions. I think this alone will tell you where his heart is.

2. If you don't discuss this with him...it will continue to eat away inside, until you blow up and it becomes a huge fight, then he will have no alternative then to become defensive and you'll both feel like poop?

So, there ya go...wish you the best, and hope I've been of some help. Doesn't sound to serious....I think it's best to get your feelings out...he needs to rearrange his schedule a little and give you some much needed quality time. And if they can do that, that's all we women need, a little reassurance and action now and then, yanno? smile and hugs sent to ya.

HA, your sorry for the long post, you should read some of mine????? Then you'd have something to be sorry about...LOL

Let us know how it goes...yes?
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:41 PM
sun
 
Location: Central Connecticut
683 posts, read 2,120,516 times
Reputation: 449
I agree with creme, but I also want to add that a lot depends on how long that you've been together and how old you both are.
If he's always been a socialite with a large circle of friends, that's a trait that's more difficult to change, depending on age and maturity level. Some guys won't want to give up their friends so easily for a lady unless they are faced with "choices".
Usually a guy will include his girlfriend in with his circle of friends, and you should be able to develop friendships with them so that you can all have something in common, even if it's the girlfriends of his friends.
But if they don't have girlfriends, and he's leaving you for them, and you don't feel that you're getting enough attention when you are with all of them, then that may present a "growing" problem that may need some adjustment over time.
As a relationship becomes more serious, I hate to say it this way but, both parties need to reset their priorities. If they don't, then they may need a longer adjustment period to learn how to have more in common together.
It took quite a few years for me to get away from my circle of friends. Many were also friends of my [now] wife's, but unless they came over to where we were together, she was put on hold when I went out.
She didn't keep as many close friendships, and over time I gave up my friends to start a family and mostly because they just weren't family oriented guys.
How much time did it take? Well, for me it took several years after college. But some guys seem to always put their friends first, and put their relationships second.
If after a year or two (or however long you're willing to give him), he isn't willing to slow down his social life to spend more quality time with you, then this may become a battle someday.
If he's willing to start settling down sooner rather than later, then you'll know that he's more serious about having a committment.
You both need to have interests that can provide you with some common activities to do together, and if friends get invited to come along, that can sometimes work out fine. Other couples are often preferred over singles, but everything can work out if everyone is friendly and respectful enough.

Last edited by sun; 08-31-2007 at 11:04 PM..
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:50 PM
 
Location: Midwest
799 posts, read 2,163,418 times
Reputation: 216
Default Narcissists

Quote:
Originally Posted by MainStreet View Post
I have to say that you need to use that intuition of your's a bit more. If at times you feel like "a buddy," something is amiss.

I dated a man who one day I was his queen and the next he acted like I was a pain in his a$$. Ended up he was dating multiple women at the same time. How did I find out? He used my phone one day, I recalled the last number he dialed, which was his voice mail complete with pass-code, only to discover about a dozen women's voices all saying something like "Hi sweetie, it's me." Can you imagine how hard it would be to fool a dozen women into thinking they were the only women in his life? How does a man know which "it's me" is which?

He was VERY charismatic.

In hind sight I should have suspected something because he would forget what BS story he had told me and would tell you the same story over and over. So if something poignant happened to him, he would forget which girlfriend he told and end up telling you twice.

He also used his "kids" as an excuse not to see me. Remove "kids" and insert "buddies."

Honestly, if his ego made me feel like a little peon in his life....I'd get out.

Research Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see if you recognize anything else.
I have read about those types. It is all a game for them, to have control. They really aren't in it for a relationship. They will lie about the littlest things to pull these things off. It is craziness. I would suspect a lot of them know they are teetering on the edge, and something isn't quite right.
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:53 PM
 
Location: Midwest
799 posts, read 2,163,418 times
Reputation: 216
There is a good way to nip it in the bud, when someone is taking you for granted or designates you as one of his buddies...just date around. Let him know you want a bit of space to explore others. You know, casual...just like he is doing with his friends. I wouldn't accept someone making me sit in the backseat like that, if I was supposed to be his significant other.
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:59 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,925,079 times
Reputation: 27684
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Bird View Post
Hello everyone, this is going to be my first post, so pretty please go easy on me

Well, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 5 months and everything seems alright. Like We both really care about each ohter. But as of lately, I really kinda feel like he's putting his buddies over me, like I feel that I have to fight and compete for his attention, since he's some-what charismatic and attracts a lot of people, in a friendly way of course, like people will always come to him for problems and whatnot. But I really didn't say anything about it, because I really didn't want to come off as being a selfish person. So I try to just dismiss my feelings of feeling neglected and that i'm just being paranoid.

Like..there will be times where I don't even feel like his girlfriend, and just one of his "buddies" and then I have to take number and wait in line just so that I can get to at least talk to him. I actually joked about it to him, though I was indirectly telling him how I was feeling, but he probably didn't really catch it, and just chuckeld saying "Heeeey c'moon, I can' help that i'm so awesome!!", and i'd respond with a smile and a polite chuckle, hiding the fact that I felt really bad and it seriously makes me feel like crap to the point where I could just cry

Maybe it's just because i'm a passive person by nature and try to give him as much space as I can, because I don't really want to be that typical obsessive girlfriend who constantly nags and nags on and on. And like..I also don't want to feel like i'm pulling him away from his friends you know?
And I have no intention of wanting to end our relationship because I feel like this; and maybe i'm just being a little paranoid about this whole thing!!

I feel a teeny bit better being able to vent. But I would also like to see what someone else thinks of this and either tell me i'm being paranoid or is this not a good situation that will hopefully change? I really need the advice now

Thank you so much for reading and sorry for the long post


- Amelie
5 months still qualifies as loves first blush. It would be a concern to me if at this point my SO was ready to relegate me to the back burner. I would have to think very carefully about this. Is he training me for the future to accept a life of dirty diapers, baths, and homework, all done by me, alone? While he is off having fun with his friends and relatives?

If he gets to have a life, you need one too. Stop waiting at home and have some fun. Best of luck!
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Old 09-01-2007, 11:48 PM
JMX
 
Location: Somewhere unloading worthless FRN's
313 posts, read 1,171,703 times
Reputation: 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluegrassgirl View Post
Honest and open communication is the only way to have a mature and healthy relationship. Being passive agressive doesn't allow him a chance to meet your needs. He's not a mind reader. My only suggestion would be to perhaps plan a romantic evening... one where neither of you are rushed to get anywhere or do anything else. Have a frank and open discussion about your feelings and see what he has to say.

Don't ever believe that a man will "get you" if you don't share what it is you want him to get.
Excellent advice, bluegrassgirl.
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