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We’re both 18, I’m male, she’s female, we were together for 3 months and we broke up 3 months ago.
We broke up 3 months ago, the main reason for the breakup was that we stopped communicating as often, emotional attraction has descended. She stopped giving me attention at the end of the relationship, I tried to make things right with her but she insisted that she doesn’t see it working anymore. She insisted to stay close friends with me, I agreed because I don’t want to lose her completely as a person
We started talking again a month ago. We talked quite a bit this month and it’s from both sides communicating. Us talking brought back some of the memories from when we were together. I miss her so much, I haven’t moved on completely from the breakup and I don’t think I can because I don’t believe that it should end this way. I believe there’s more to it, we both know that deep inside.
So I have been thinking. I feel crazy about this person and I’ve tried to improve myself since the breakup. I’ve talked with different people and I can tell you with all honesty that I’m much more understanding and better as a person now. Back in the relationship I would act insecure at times because I was so afraid of losing her. This insecurity was the main reason for me losing her… Just if I had known to enjoy the ride while it lasts, I wouldn’t have acted that way, but no more of that now.
I’m thinking of confessing my feelings for her. I plan to say something like this (in-person):
“When we started talking again this month, everything that was between us started coming back to me. I realized I still have feelings for you and I miss us. I miss our late night conversations until 2-3AM, I miss when we would fight about who wants to say good night first (Insert cringe emoji), and most important of all I miss you… Last summer when we were together I really enjoyed my time with you, I feel crazy about you and I’m pretty sure it will be different this time. Would you go on a first date again with me to see if this would work?”
Should I go for it? Give me your thoughts on this. I’m really desperate right now and I need your help.
I'm convinced you're going to do it regardless of whatever advice you receive here.
Personally, I don't think you should. It's too strong. It's needy. It's desperate. It's somewhat aggressive. And it screams insecure - which is exactly why she broke up with you.
And on top of that, she already knows how you feel. It sounds like she is currently kind of giving you a 2nd chance. She's seeing if breaking up with you was a mistake. IMO, if you do this, it will be clear to her that she didn't make a mistake.
My advice is to just continue talking to her. I believe she'll let you know (or make it very obvious) if she wants to get back together.
I'll also say...this is scary:
"I haven’t moved on completely from the breakup and I don’t think I can because I don’t believe that it should end this way. I believe there’s more to it, we both know that deep inside."
...like restraining order scary. DON'T SAY THAT TO HER. Never ever tell someone what their feelings are.
No. She has definitely told you it's over (even after you tried to salvage the relationship). If you tell her you still have feelings for her, she may decide it's too awkward to even still be friends. OTOH, this may be the best thing for you, as you clearly can't get over her while still talking to her all the time. "I'm really desperate" isn't usually a good reason to get involved with someone.
If you do that, that gives her the opportunity to say yes/no. It gives her the opportunity to say "I don't feel the same way"
So don't talk feelings yet. Save that for a more intimate moment. And if she expresses loving feelings for you.
The neediness you had of losing her caused her to step back. You need to be emotionally secure, solid, and independent. I don't think you are there yet. You did learn though and want to try again. The problem is when you ask for 2nd chance, that sounds desperate.
So don't ask for a 2nd chance. Ask for a date, but not in a way that says "I'm different now". In other words don't try to convince her in words that you are different now. All that sounds desperate and doesn't give her confidence. Most women do feel they should not have to tell their partner how to act like a solid, secure man that doesn't need her to be happy. When they detect that your happiness depends on them, they will reject that. It's too much pressure.
Also, you can't be a phony friend if you really want to be her bf. She will know that anyway.
"She insisted to stay close friends with me,"
Not good enough. You want to be more then friends. Be honest and say "I do want your friendship but I can't be just friends with you. You bring out the romantic in me. How about dinner Friday?"
If you have romantic emotions with her then be honest and say "I want to restart what he had and make it better. I can't just be friends." If she says no to the offer you need to let time pass to get past your romantic emotions with her.
If someone I had been involved with said what OP wants to say, I'd know where he stood, how he felt and it would give me the opportunity to express my feelings to him.
I don't think he sounds needy or desperate. He's expressing his sincere feelings in a clear way.
And if he tells her, he'll get an answer yes or no, giving him a clearer picture of how he should proceed.
I suspect she became interested in someone else, it didn't work out with him so now she's back talking to the OP.
Either way OP, you need to find out what the immediate future holds.
I’m thinking of confessing my feelings for her. I plan to say something like this (in-person):
“When we started talking again this month, everything that was between us started coming back to me. I realized I still have feelings for you and I miss us. I miss our late night conversations until 2-3AM, I miss when we would fight about who wants to say good night first (Insert cringe emoji), and most important of all I miss you… Last summer when we were together I really enjoyed my time with you, I feel crazy about you and I’m pretty sure it will be different this time. Would you go on a first date again with me to see if this would work?”
Should I go for it? Give me your thoughts on this. I’m really desperate right now and I need your help.
Good god man. Do you have any self respect?
Just NO.
In fact, you should just completely and totally ignore her and wait for her to contact you. When she does do not expect anything and keep things carefree and casual.
1 - She'll drive herself nuts wondering why you're not into her anymore, and maybe realize she wants you back. If you're always bugging her she'll continue to blow you off.
2 - It will help you get over her. Please get some new hobbies, work out, play sports, anything to keep her out of your mind. This kind of stuff helps you grow as a person and makes you more attractive.
Trust me, if you tell her that nonsense in your OP you will just look like an insecure creeper. Grow a pair.
Just sounds like the endless game playing that successfully works to keep people playing silly games instead of using that time and energy actually being together. Unless of course you are one of those that prefers to play "the game". Why waste the time?
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