Friends after break up???? (girlfriend, long-term, married, woman)
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I recently ended a one year relationship. This was due mainly to my ex-girlfriend deciding to adopt a troubled teenager and I did not agree with it. I told her of my reservations for many many reasons, but thought she would not actually go through with it because her own life is not the most stable. Anyways, when she decided to go ahead with the process I was hurt and suprised. At first I thought I could handle it and told her I'd give it a shot and at least meet the kid and see how things worked out, but then I thought about it for a few days, and decided I really didn't want this so I broke off the relationship. She was really really upset but then we talked and she seemed OK and said she knew we weren't right for each other long term, this was for the best, etc. I was seriously in love with this woman and was thinking about moving in with her and possibley getting married. In my heart I feel like I did the right thing, but I am still hurting over the relationship ending.
In the past few weeks she has been texting me saying she wants to be friends. Is this even possible? I told her about a week after that I needed some time away from her and then maybe we could be friends. Everything is just too fresh for me, but she got REALLY upset saying how she didn't understand how I could just delete her from my life and just walk away, etc. She says I'm being selfish and cold and as adults we should be able to maintain a platonic friendship even after the breakup. She says she has some very good friendships with guys she dated in the past. Anyways, so is it possible for us to be friends? I just don't know about this....
To be honest, its really up to you to answer that question. I am not in a position to judge the reason behind your break up because i have no experience in that situation but i believe she should at least respect your wish (wanting time to process the situation clearly). The fact that she has been friends with ef bfs does not give her the right to dictate how this particular relationship will end up.
FYI - With the exception of one bitter soul, i am friends with all my ex girl friends. So yes it is possible to just be friends..its no big deal imho!!!
Some people can be friends after breaking up, and some can't. For me, it depends on why we broke up, and more importantly, how we broke up. But everyone's different. Have you ever tried to be friends after breaking up from a long-term relationship?
Personally, I like to walk away and have no contact for at least a while, just to get some separation and perspective on things. But that's me, RNT, YMMV.
From what you wrote, it sounds like you've told her that you need some space for a while. If she can't respect that, then that's not really your problem. You need to care care of yourself right now. And while that is selfish, strictly speaking (concern for one's own welfare to the exclusion of another's), that's not necessarily a bad thing. So even if you can be friends, maybe you need to not be friends right now. It really depends on what you feel you need right now.
I'm friends with all my exes except two. The two I don't want in my life went out of their way to hurt me, so there's no reason I would want them around.
I think you have to feel it out. Do you still love her? Are you angry with her? Have you forgiven her? Those are important questions because you can very easily "punish" her as a friend if you still have unresolved emotions.
I am going thru a similar situation with my ex and right now I am deciding if I want or can be his friend. At this point in time I think you need to take a longer break then make a decision as to what you want to do. That is what I am going to do but I do admit its hard not picking up the phone and just calling.
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