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Old 12-28-2011, 04:08 PM
 
301 posts, read 1,048,523 times
Reputation: 421

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Dear God almighty, where does one start? My goal with this thread is not so much to get pity but to know that I am not alone in this temporary hell I am going through. Anyone have foreign in-laws out there??

I have been married to my French husband for a near 5 years now. It hasn't been easy AT ALL. I feel I have "lost" myself in this marriage as he sort of the type...... it's either his way or the highway. He has a very short patience fuse (always has) and I find myself walking on egg shells or trying to keep the peace. But that is a WHOLE other thread.

My family is scattered. My mother lives across the country and my father and step mother live about 40 min away. We go to their house for T-giving for the day but that's about it. Sister is far... etc. So I don't spend holidays to much with them... if at all.

My in-laws are French. My FIL speaks ZERO English... ZERO. My MIL speaks about 40 words and that is if she is REALLY forced to. My French is OK but I can only speak it broken. I have taken 3 semesters of classes. My husband doesn't help me learn. He just won't speak French to me so I have been on my own. I am HORRIBLE at languages and if you know anything about learning them late in life... good luck. It's not that easy. It can take YEARS to get it down... and French verb conjugation is a killer. And they are more than happy to correct you when you are butchering their language.

We see them every Xmas. My husband is in finance so traveling to France for Xmas is a no go. He has to work hard to close the fiscal year. They usually travel here. MIL is 72 and FIL is 82. My MIL is clearly "losing" it. Every year she has tics that get worse and worse. She talks to herself ALL the time. She says C'est Bon (it's good) or cuss words to herself. No, she doesn't have Tourettes. If you didn't know better, you would think someone is in the shower with her. She puts ENORMOUS amounts of fabric softener in the bleach dispenser, washes MY darks with my whites along with their clothes. You get the picture... I'm constantly running behind them to make sure they don't cause some sort of disaster.

Her voice is loud and stern. By American standards, it sounds like she is pissed all the time but she isn't... it's just the way she talks. I grew up in a quiet house so this is a tough one for me. She has this creepy stare ALL the time. When I am doing something, she hangs over me and watches everything I do... even if I am at the table eating. Awkward. The MIL lets out HUGE burps and the father farts. My husband does too in front of all of us. Really?

They are here for 16 days (WAY TO LONG for American standards) One time it was three weeks and I actually had suicidal thoughts towards the end.

Now here is the latest for this experience. Mostly, my husband works so I am stuck with them ALL day. He rents them a car but they rarely use it. So, they are in the house ALL day.. hanging out, over taking the kitchen, living room, etc. I feel pushed out of my own house. I can't go to work as my company has a forced shut down and I can only go to Barnes and Noble so many times. I normally like my own space but I usually just hide in my bedroom while they are here. Not like I can have a deep and meaningful conversation with them so it's just awkwardness all day.

We all took a 1300 mile road trip. We went to Sedona, then headed to Vegas and then back home. We get to the resort and the room is not what I had thought we planned. I thought it was a suite with two rooms off to the side. Nope, it was one living room with a pull down Murphy bed (it looked like a double) The parents immediately went into the big King room (that's fine, they are old) but I just felt uncomfortable sleeping in the living room for two nights. I knew I wouldn't sleep on that bed well anyway.

My husband sees the "let down" expression on my face and says "I knew it! I knew it!" You didn't understand how the set up was going to be did you? He goes BALLISTIC. Ranting and raving saying that I am high maintenance blah blah blah. I'm not high maintenance, just want privacy especially since I am living on top of these people 24/7 anyway. He is yelling the entire time in front of his parents. I didn't say a WORD. I just let him do his thing. He went into the bedroom and told his parents that I wasn't happy and etc. The dad kind of laughed. I felt a little ganged up on. I told my husband that I understood what he said and he said "SO WHAT!"

I went to the front desk and BEGGED the guy to find us a separate room. He did and he even upgraded us. They closed off the original suite we had so it was only the parents king bedroom. My husband and I got an upgraded suite. He didn't charge us anymore which is good because if it had cost 5 cents more, I would have never heard the end of it. Thank god for that man.

The trip is isolating. They talk French but my husband doesn't translate. I usually sit at the dinner table fairly quiet. I try to speak French but it doesn't go far.

Then we got to Vegas and having Champagne for the night was of utmost importance. We passed a Safeway on the other side of the street in Boulder City (before you get into Vegas) my husband pointed it out but it was the last minute. I said "Do you want me to turn around?" and he said "awww.. ppppfft, forget it, too late, we will find something else" So, we get to the strip and then drive off the strip to find a grocery store. NOTHING in sight... just kept looking and looking... meanwhile my husband is yelling at me (parents in the back) telling me it's all my fault and that we should have stopped at the earlier place. I hadn't said more than 3 words when I said "Why don't you, and before he interrupted me, I was going to say "Why don't you check your iPhone for the nearest grocery store" and he said "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT F*UCK UP!" I said "wow!" and he said "yeah WOW!"

"We find a seedy liquor store, he gets out, stomps in.. stomps out and I said "what happened?" and he said "It was 40 bucks! Way too expensive! The grocery store would have been cheaper"....

So we were back to square one. Coming from a guy that makes 250k a year, you would think he would get the Champagne and be done with it. Meanwhile, it was still my fault for not stopping before even though I offered to in the first place. I can never win with this guy....

His mother has this HORRIBLE TB hacking cough and she never covers her mouth when she coughs... she does this in the car too. Last night, she set down a plate of cheese and crackers... just as she had it in her hand, she hacked a lung ALL over the plate. Needless to say, I didn't eat any of it.

I have until Monday to deal with this.... and I have to go back to work on Tues. So much for vacation... a total loss. I don't know how many more years I can do this. HELP!
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:09 PM
 
14,920 posts, read 19,030,659 times
Reputation: 12042
lol @ all the threads about in-laws and family this holiday season.

I know they suck but really it's only 2 weeks to deal with them and they're old. Both your and his frustrations sound more like an accumulation of built up frustrations mostly having to do with each other moreso than the in laws.

Last edited by srjth; 12-28-2011 at 04:23 PM..
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 57,088,197 times
Reputation: 73550
They are old. You won't have to do it for long.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:13 PM
 
14,323 posts, read 11,308,698 times
Reputation: 17797
You are with this raving a-hole, why?
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:17 PM
 
15,431 posts, read 18,119,292 times
Reputation: 25716
Your husband sounds much worse than the in-laws.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:17 PM
 
301 posts, read 1,048,523 times
Reputation: 421
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You are with this raving a-hole, why?
I'm not financially fit to leave yet... working on it though. Also, there are other complicated issues. I have a serious health issue and wouldn't be able to have my current employer cover it well so I am on his plan. ALso, I want European citizenship.... I'm eligible in April. He got his citizenship. I'm not walking away from this without anything. I'm 42. I need to think about my future. That's why I put up with it. I have a plan... and after this year.. I'm done.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:20 PM
 
14,920 posts, read 19,030,659 times
Reputation: 12042
She wants a green card! (or whatever they call it in france) lol
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
526 posts, read 879,543 times
Reputation: 549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deja Vu Again View Post
I'm not financially fit to leave yet... working on it though... I have a plan... and after this year.. I'm done.
Think about that everytime you get upset. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, and hopefully it will not be that of a train.

I second the other posters, the husband sounds worse than the in-laws.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:24 PM
 
301 posts, read 1,048,523 times
Reputation: 421
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
She wants a green card! (or whatever they call it in france) lol
It's citizenship. It's for my future. So that I have options later in life. I don't want to end up like my mother... so I am trying to do things in my best interest. First time in my life I have "watched" out for myself.

The other day I got the wrong kind of "hanger" for the mirror in the bathroom and he said "You had one thing to do today and you screwed it up"....

I'm pretty sure I am being verbally abused... but sometimes I find myself questioning whether it is or not.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:28 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 14,027,457 times
Reputation: 15296
Impress your in-laws and your husband with your new French.

"Les invités sont comme des poissons. Ils ont l'odeur après trois jours."

To pronounce: Layz OWNveeTAY soan come day PWAH-sone. Eel sown lo-DER appRAY twah shzoor.

To mean: Guests are like fish. They smell after three days.

FWIW, the first line of your post cracked me up. You conveyed all the exasperation of the situation in seven words. I apologize, but that was just priceless.
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