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I have this 'friend' that I met in a bookclub early last year.
We have hung out a few times outside of bookclub and we are also fb friends.
On the weekend we hung out again - at Summafielddayze.
Now I want her out of my life... arg.
She is such a pita. I have always thought so - in varying degree's - but have stuck with it because she is at least outgoing and will go out if asked.
When I got home from the concert I told my husband that i was done with her, and wanted to delete her from fb and he discouraged me, saying that I'm too hard on people and give up on people too easily. (he is so nice)
But I want your opinions... I kind of want to be backed up... but I really don't want to hurt her unneccessarily - I do feel really MEAN even thinking about rejecting her..
I'll give u a run down of the things I find annoying.
1. She is really clingy. - at the concert she wouldn't let me out of her sight for eg - even though I am 10 years her senior and have partied at festivals alone before. Also once while ice skating I was approached by another girl, she came straight over and butted in and immediately made fb friends with the new girl. It's kind of funny now, but at the time I was really annoyed because ice skating is my thing. (I ice skate between 4-10 hours per week)
2. She is unappreciative. She bought ice skates after coming out with me a few times - fair enough the rentals are pretty hit and miss... but then she needed them sharpened. So I agreed to take them out to the guy who does them when I took mine. I took her other friends skates as well. They cost $10 each for sharpening. Neither paid me until I asked a few times and then only this girl did (her bestie never did) and she complained the whole time that they weren't sharp enough (like she would know what skates should be like) and never thanked me once.
I have also given her lifts here and there as she doesn't drive, I never really minded except I noticed she never thanked me and now she takes it as a given that I'm available to give her lifts. Now this I find incredibly inconsiderate.
There are also other things... but lets just say it's a pattern I'm not happy with.
3. She has been rude to me.
This is a new development. On Monday at the festival I mentioned I got a spray tan - she said "I know, I can see it's yukky under your arms" I said "Yeah, I tried a new place and it's a little patchy" Then she was criticising my ankles and being really rude about the tan - not necessary imo since the rest was absolutely fine and looked pretty good.
Then the third person in our group organised a lift for the 3 of us back into Surfers Paradise, while we were waiting for the shuttle it was chaos - I said to the guy "I feel so bad for the girl waiting for us, cause we don't know how long we're going to be" This girl pipes up and said really nasty "Why? She's not even waiting for YOU" I defended myself against the unexpected attack but I was majorly pi**ed off. I later found out that she didn't even know this girl and it was her first time meeting her too.
That's it really. My husband reckons I should talk to her and try to sort through it, but I really don't think she's worth it.
She wants to take ice skating lessons with me (they start in a few weeks) but I can just see now that she's going to expect lifts to and from - plus plenty of other favours (she isn't shy about asking for stuff)
Ugh, maybe if I unfriend her now I can avoid all of this?
Sorry it's so long. Opinions welcome, I rep the good ones. Thanks in advance. xx
Well you could be direct about it, but anticipate hard feelings and perhaps some online tension on this forum you both belong to. Or, you could just starting giving her excuses not to hang out with her until she finally loses interest. Not sure how long that will take, but you know yourself better than us, and if you feel comfortable giving her the slip, then end it like your taking off a band-aid, tear it off clean and quick and get it over with. It will suck at first but you'll both get over it.
Our bookclub has since disbanded (I forgot to mention this) we are just fb buddies and occasional hang out buddies at this point.
My basic thinking is - if I unfriend her off fb she will get a big message - and perhaps she will call/ text me to ask what the go is.
I'm not too keen to have a face to face confrontation - or even a phone call. If I cared enough I'd do these things in an attempt to try and work things out - I really am not interested in her perspective - although I do care about her feelings.
I think I would prefer to simply be unfriended on fb rather than get a pm, phone call or text outlining all my faults.
Because then even though I would be hurt, I would be able to rationalise things better... but maybe that's just me?
Ugh, maybe if I unfriend her now I can avoid all of this?
Sorry it's so long. Opinions welcome, I rep the good ones. Thanks in advance. xx
Start saying, "No" more often and see how she responds. When she asks for a favor, refuse it - you're not obligated to be her taxi or blade sharpening service. When she wants to join you during one of your hobbies, decline the request or don't even bother mentioning it - that's your time for you. When she's rude to others, tell her to knock that **** off. If she doesn't like any of that, she'll disappear on her own.
I did some housework and thought it over... I think my main problem is GUILT.
I don't mind saying no to people, but this problem is more than that - I love to say yes too - I enjoy doing things for and with people.
This person is a fly in my ointment and I need to cut her loose, but I just feel terribly guilty, especially since my own husband says that she needs at least another chance.
Give her another chance then. After that, if she still annoys you, then just avoid her, you have the perfect excuse "Can't hang out, doing something with my husband". She'll eventually get the hint.
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