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Great to hear we know single moms make a huge sacrifice, our point was more directed to those who feel that once a single person has a child their lives are meant to be the child and child only and nothing else. Fact is as you stated your life didn't involve that you had obvious other outlets ie gym and other personal interactions. You made that sacrifice by choice and only time will tell if your child will be the better for it, so does that mean should a single parent who chooses to go out on a date here or there is less of a person/parent?
I started dating when my son was 12. I already stated that. I felt that for me, as a full-time working single mom, that to pick up my young son from after-school care, and THEN go out and leave him with a babysitter so that I could go hang out with some guy for a few hours, was just plain stupid, bad parenting, selfish, and frankly, I had no desire to do that anyway - I treasured my time with my boy, and I still do. Sacrifice? I sure don't see it that way. I loved my kid then just as much as I love him now. I'm confident that I did absolutely right by my son. I see the evidence looking at him today, in college, exceptionally happy, and so far (fingers crossed!) making the right choices, and well on his way to a happy and productive adulthood.
Other people must make their own decisions, but a young kid's needs absolutely are critical...unfortunately far too many are ignored, and have parents that probably should have remained childless.
As far as me, I've had several relationships, and am now in one that is just over 2 years strong. My son, and I are doing great.
I believe posters were reacting to the actual situation of the OP, whose wife has 3 kids with 3 men so far (none of them being the OP) with the youngest being 3 and 1 years old. It seems clear that Mom was already in a new relationship Man Number 4 before Child Number 3 was even born. Many posters agreed that perhaps Mom could maybe have put the manhunting on hold at some stage to focus on getting her life together and making sure her children did not grow up amid emotional and judicial chaos.
Assumptions are the mother of all mistakes, the OP never stated he began dating his wife while she was with child, but that's about where people began making assetions about the wife himself and the childrens poss mistreatment.
It's sad actually someone came here apparently to get something off his chest and maybe look for some insight from a diff perspective instead he got a lot of flack.
My wife and I posted in his "Blog" "Thread" even then that we noticed no real helpful insight as it was apparent he was dealing with a lot of stuff.
Fine. But does it make a huge difference to my point if Baby Number 3 was +2 months or -2 months at the time she bagged Man Number 4?
Sure from what i read they met before she was pregnant and dated briefly sometime after her giving birth to anothers child, after a brief whirlwind romance married. Hey can't argue with love! Plus it sounds like both are in good paying jobs and the husband is apparently not only educated but well off financially. Who are we to pass judgement?
Sure from what i read they met before she was pregnant and dated briefly sometime after her giving birth to anothers child, after a brief whirlwind romance married. Hey can't argue with love! Plus it sounds like both are in good paying jobs and the husband is apparently not only educated but well off financially. Who are we to pass judgement?
If the jobs were so good and high paying why would he encourage his wife to give the baby to the worthless father for finacial reasons? Read the entire thread Chachi!
If the jobs were so good and high paying why would he encourage his wife to give the baby to the worthless father for finacial reasons? Read the entire thread Chachi!
Maybe u should reread he was never the one who suggested that she give up her child, now he did pose the question to this thread about why the perception is so much diff for a mom vs a father being a parttime parent. Matter of fact I believe he went as far to readdress the misconception on that part when others posted here that he wants his wife to give baby up,
Chachi if u reread his post u will see it was her Aunt that first suggested it and his wife kicking it around that put the idea in play.
By the time you have to ask the question "What's a single parent to do?", there's only so much to do.
I have a wonderful guy friend from college. Got married. He and his wife had a child right away. Flash forward 13 years, and he cannot STAND THIS WOMAN. The marriage, it seems, went awry almost right away, but by then it was too late. But he doesn't want his daughter to grow up with divorced parents. So he stayed. And developed a drinking problem. So lovely. But hey ... at least his daughter has two parents, right?
What's a single parent to do? Really think before you have a child. And I mean really contemplate it. Don't have babies right after marriage. Give it a five years + or so to make sure the marriage is sound. Ideally longer. If you're single and dating, use two forms of reliable birth control. And single ladies, if you do get knocked up, remember that the guy you're with might not want a child, and if this is true, there's nothing you can do to force him into being a good dad. If you don't believe in abortion, at least consider adoption, so your child will have a chance at a two-parent household.
Think of the best interest of your child. Think of it long before the child even comes into existence. Don't make decisions based on feelings. Then we will rarely have to ask this question.
I was raised in a single-parent household and I'm fine. Glad my mother didn't give me up for adoption because my dad wasn't perfect. I ended up very close to both parents.
And yet I know some of my friends who had both parents at home and they had it much worse. Raising children is difficult whether you are single or not. But please don't make it sound like adoption is so easy. It's not easy to give up a child you have carried and loved and pushed into the world. Not to mention knowing that you might not be able to get your child placed with someone under YOUR terms. Which means your child will be in foster care. Or, they could end up being adopted by a single parent. My friend who is single adopted a baby from a 30-year old woman who couldn't bear the thought of being single.
When I was divorced my kids were 8 and 14--delicate ages. Their dad moved in with another woman immediately and basically shut them out. I saw how devastated they were--they "lost" their dad to another woman.
Fathers that abandon their children really should not become fathers at all! They should not be able to reproduce as it often becomes a drag on society. There are plenty of relationships that break up and the children's fathers continue to be good supporting dads. Now, moms that put their exes in a position that creates a bad relationship with the father should not be exempt from fault either. Even in a amicable split the children often pay the price.
That thread was very specific. The situation was a mess.
Not only were they getting ready to reverse her tubal ligation so they could try for baby number 4, he stopped her, because he was contemplating leaving her.
That thread was very specific. The situation was a mess.
Not only were they getting ready to reverse her tubal ligation so they could try for baby number 4, he stopped her, because he was contemplating leaving her.
No ur wrong on that he never stopped her.
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I sure don't see it that way. I loved my kid then just as much as I love him now. I'm confident that I did absolutely right by my son. I see the evidence looking at him today, in college, exceptionally happy, and so far (fingers crossed!) making the right choices, and well on his way to a happy and productive adulthood. 
