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I see what you guys are trying to tell me. And I know this sounds like I'm blaming myself, but the "next woman" isn't going to be as stupid as me. God I was stupid for thinking we would only cuddle. I didn't even have to go back to his apartment. He didn't even insist that we go to his apartment...I willingly agreed when he suggested it. Any other person would say that agreeing to go to a guys apartment is implying sex. And I know that...but I still told myself we wouldn't be doing anything. And in fact, I don't think those were his plans. I stayed too long when I should've left. He would've gladly driven me back home had I asked him (before anything happened), but I guess me liking him a lot and wanting to spend more time with him made me want to prolongue the night...and that's when things went wrong.
You told him no. He didn't listen. He is in the wrong. Not you. You could have stripped naked, given him a lapdance and had sex with another man while he watched and it still wouldn't make it ok for him to do what he did.
Stop blaming yourself. You are not to blame for any of his actions. The "next woman" isn't gonna be stupid, she's gonna be taken advantage of. Just like you were. He is the only person who did anything wrong here, not you.
I see what you guys are trying to tell me. And I know this sounds like I'm blaming myself, but the "next woman" isn't going to be as stupid as me. God I was stupid for thinking we would only cuddle. I didn't even have to go back to his apartment. He didn't even insist that we go to his apartment...I willingly agreed when he suggested it. Any other person would say that agreeing to go to a guys apartment is implying sex. And I know that...but I still told myself we wouldn't be doing anything. And in fact, I don't think those were his plans. I stayed too long when I should've left. He would've drove me back home had I asked him (before anything happened), but I guess me liking him a lot and wanting to spend more time with him made me want to prolongue the night...and that's when things went wrong.
Why do you assume you are the world's most stupid woman? YOU AREN'T.
It's great that you want to take some personal responsibility here for the situation you ended up in - and you can live and learn so you'll never leave yourself vulnerable like that again. BUT, that does not mean he gets a pass for raping you.
PLEASE go talk to a rape counselor - you are really in need of some professional guidance because you aren't thinking straight right now.
you were date raped. plain and simple. just because you liked him and wanted a relationship doesn't mean you agreed to sex. you want to push it under the rug, you are telling him that what he did was ok. you are telling him that women who say no, really don't mean it. and yes other women can and do think the same things you did. this guy will continue doing this as sure as it happened to you
I see what you guys are trying to tell me. And I know this sounds like I'm blaming myself, but the "next woman" isn't going to be as stupid as me. God I was stupid for thinking we would only cuddle. I didn't even have to go back to his apartment. He didn't even insist that we go to his apartment...I willingly agreed when he suggested it. Any other person would say that agreeing to go to a guys apartment is implying sex. And I know that...but I still told myself we wouldn't be doing anything. And in fact, I don't think those were his plans. I stayed too long when I should've left. He would've gladly driven me back home had I asked him (before anything happened), but I guess me liking him a lot and wanting to spend more time with him made me want to prolongue the night...and that's when things went wrong.
lilamx, I have snuggled, cuddled and what ever other close intimate behavior you can think of all night long and have never sexually assualted a woman. No has always meant No. The next woman could and would say yes to snuggling too, especially if this guy is charming.
I think it's sad that this guy date rapes you and then gets rewarded with a good night text and zero consequences. This will just confirm his opinion that women don't know what they want and no doesn't really mean no.
I guess I'm not being terribly sympathtic and I DO feel sorry for you, but I just don't understand how you can let him off the hook so easily, leaving him to go after the next woman after the great success he had forcing you.
I agree with lovesmountains - if you won't take legal action at the very least tell him that you know what he did and you don't ever want to see him again.
Right now, you've been raped and sent the rapist off with a kiss on the cheek and a slap on the back. I just don't understand this?
It concerns me how apathetic you sound about this whole thing. You said no a bunch of times, but why didn't you scream, thrash around, try to punch him, kick him, bite him etc? Why just lay there and not even bother to fight him? I don't understand. I'm NOT saying you deserved to be raped. No one does. But I just don't understand lying back and just letting it go on. What about when he went to grab a condom? Why didn't you use that opportunity to get up and run?
It just bothers me how you felt like you were so powerless in that situation. You should have fought as hard as you could, screamed, and resisted the whole way. I'm afraid that will become a pattern in your life.
If you said no, he should have stopped, period. He should have respected that. But you need to fight for yourself more, you need to have a louder voice, or people will keep on walking all over you.
I know they say no means no...but sometimes with sex, people like to play games where they pretend to resist, but really are eager to give in. I am like that. If you REALLY mean no, you can't just say it, you have to show it with your actions.
Of course, women fight back as hard as they can and they still are overpowered. I'm not saying that if you had fought back, this wouldn't necessarily have happened. I'm just saying you need to stand up for yourself a little more in the future.
Thank you, you're right. I don't want to pursue this legally. I came here to vent. I didn't enjoy the sex. How could I? I liked this guy and wanted to get to know him better before that happened. But putting myself in that position was of course wrong of me, it invites all types of things. I'm starting to pay attention to all those previous signs, and I know I shouldn't be seeing him again.
No, I don't really agree. You should be able to "put yourself in that position", of cuddling with some guy. That alone is not an invitation to have sex.
And I say this , as a typical dude, who will try and get away with whatever I can. If I hear "No", the MOST you'll see out of me after that is teasing. This guy committed a crime.
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