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He is a revolving door of feelings and emotions for sure. He wants to make it sound like you are doing a poor job of discipline, when he doesn't want to discipline at all; he only wants to be the "fun" parent so it will create discipline problems for you. Well, you'll handle that just fine but if he keeps this up he could really be screwing himself in the long run. He still won't let go, even though he has to know it's over. I really do wish that he would get a life and be happy. He reminds me of someone I know.
He's a flamin' idot!! His mother must carry the matches and fuel to ignite this cra***....errrrr.......crud!
1. You had no set visitation time this weekend.
2. It doesn't matter what happened yesterday. You don't need to excuse yourself or give any reasons for the situation toady. The plans were not in place.
3. Since you can't foretell the future or a change in plans, how and who could have disciplined this situation??!!?? You and the kids do NOT need to live your lives or plan your days based on whether or not IBDA is gonna call and want visitation.
How 'bout this:
Sorry. Both kids will not be able to visit with you today on short notice. A has a project due tomorrow. He will need to be here to work on it. He will not take a zero on it. L is available to spend time today. She would enjoy seeing you. I will meet you at <insert time> at <insert place>. I will pick her up at.....<same routine>.
A has a current events project due every Monday. I was going to get a paper, and he was going to do it from todays paper.
Talked w, yes..back to tjibda and he and his mother are going to meet me to pick up the kids for him to see them.
I told A that he has a current events project due. I have no paper yet, getting the kids ready for going to meet j and his mother.
Printed an article out from the local paper. A will have to do it there, because he is not coming home tonight and last minute having to do it.
Ok, called him to let him know. Why didn't he do it yesterday? We had a lot going on yesterday, with all of the events unfolding. Worrying about you and getting you to the ER.
Well, what does it entail? He has to summarize an article, how long is the summary supposed to be?
Why does it matter? If he doesn't do it, he gets a zero.
I just need to know. 5 to 7 sentences. Well, I will allow it just this one time.
OK, it was time for me to exit stage left. CLICK.
He just called me back. Were you calling me because you are ready to meet me? NO! I called you because Alexander has to do this current events thing he has to do every week.
J- well, I will talk to him about that, that is just some discipline that needs to be taken care of, he could have done that on Friday.
Me- No it isn't. They were not going to be with you this weekend and I was getting a paper this morning, so plans changed, and he has to do the work. Has nothing to do with discipline,, I could hear his mother in the background.
This little rule of yours makes no sense. The kids should not have to stay up late of Friday evenings and Sunday evenings because of your rulings. If they have work to be done, it has to be done.
Do you think that they are going to be able to do their science fair project during the week only? No, they wont. I will call you when I am ready to meet you and...
CLICK!@
That pi$$es me off. Oh he needs discipline. ****. I hope the judge orders parenting classes for us. I dont care if we each have to pay 50 bucks.
He needs to learn how to parent.
Again, this has to do with Basic Parenting 101. Why does he continue to want to be a part time parent? Does he not realize that those moments, even homework moments, can be such a bonding time with your children?
Yes, it's not the most fun thing to do with your kids, but it is a part of being a parent. Just like snotty noses, vomiting in the middle of the night, baseball games, and silly Disney movies. He so much needs to wake up and smell the coffee in the Tinka cup. It almost makes me sad for him that he is missing out on these moments.
IMO, it isn't a lack of discipline on your part or A's, it's a lack of reality on TJ's part. And once again Mommy Dearest is in the background pulling the puppet strings?
I totally agree with you about making the kids stay up late on Friday or Sunday to get their work done. Who wants to come home, after being at school all day, and do more school work? They should be allowed to have a little downtime before starting another project.
He did have the check written out, but the bump on his head is what he needed,. he is getting a lawyer to see if him paying me is what he chould be doing, if he is doing the right thing.
If we have joint custody then why should he pay anything, he says. I said, what else does your mother have to say?
I said thats fine, if there is anything the kids need, they can go without it. And since you are so without money, how do you plan on this lawyer?
I have to get a loan. I am tired of scrimping and saving while you can pay rent.
Dont lay a guilt trip on me he says...not doing that, I say. the kids are with me five days of the week, and you think you should not help to support them?
Well, thats why I am getting a lawyer, so I know if I am doing the right thing.
I told him this had his mothers stamp of approval written all over it. CLICK. Turned off the phone, turned on the pc.
I am thinking that I may call him back, see if he wants to let his mother DROP HIM OFF at the meeting place and i can take them to a park or something.
He burns me up, really it is his mother. She has not a thing to do with any of this at all. He says you have a lawyer, you are covering yourself.
Carol is totally right. Too bad some adults will never make good parents or learn how to parent.
Sadly, Robyn, you can't make your choices based on a magic fairy tapping the IBDA on the head and enlightening him. You personally can't teach, shame, or lead by example in order to have the IBDA parent appropriately. Nor can you wait and see if the judge orders classes, or if the IBDA attends on a regular basis, or if he will learn anything after he attends.
I personally think he has a personality disorder that probably will never be addressed. Even if it is, I doubt that he will move beyond it. Stats show that his behavior is usually firmly entrenched and does not change. Plus, he has a strong personality (his mother) facilitating and encouraging his behavior.
Saying to yourself, "if only"..."when he"......etc. is projecting a future that will most likely never come. You will need to be proactive in the here and now, and not make choices based on a supposed future.
Whoops. I'm at it again. This is just my opinion, Robyn. I don't mean to imply that you have done something wrong or had a set back of some sort. You haven't done anything wrong or had any set backs. You are doing very, very well!!!
I'm trying to offer you something to think about when you start trying to figure how to circumvent his crazies. You do not need to orbit around his crazies!! You are not trapped in his gravitational pull any longer!!! You are freeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If his lips are moving, he's lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Say it with me. If his lips are moving, he's lying!!!!
1. Joint custody means living with each parent 50% of the time and each parent taking 50% of the financial, caretaking, and full parenting responsibilities.
Dear IBDA,
By all means. See if you are doing the right thing. Get an attorney. I'm sure your mom will suggest one, and he/she will validate you and your mother's crazy BS. Pay lots and lots of money to some professional crook who will tell you what you want to hear. Then when you get to court, you will really have someone to blame for your situation....as well as yourself for being so damn dumb!!!
You may get lucky and find one who will set you straight early on and charge little.
Noooo. Don't support your kids before it gets to court. Let the judge know and see what your character is. Wise choice there, Bunky.
I.... calmly.... remain....one of the many people who can't wait to see the judge rip you a new one when you stand there in front of him/her.
Have a great day,
rockky
p.s. Too bad your mother will never be held legally accountable for your actions, but you are making your own choices.
If his lips are moving, he's lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Say it with me. If his lips are moving, he's lying!!!!
1. Joint custody means living with each parent 50% of the time and each parent taking 50% of the financial, caretaking, and full parenting responsibilities.
Dear IBDA,
By all means. See if you are doing the right thing. Get an attorney. I'm sure your mom will suggest one, and he/she will validate you and your mother's crazy BS. Pay lots and lots of money to some professional crook who will tell you what you want to hear. Then when you get to court, you will really have someone to blame for your situation....as well as yourself for being so damn dumb!!!
You may get lucky and find one who will set you straight early on and charge little.
Noooo. Don't support your kids before it gets to court. Let the judge know and see what your character is. Wise choice there, Bunky.
I.... calmly.... remain....one of the many people who can't wait to see the judge rip you a new one when you stand there in front of him/her.
Have a great day,
rockky
p.s. Too bad your mother will never be held legally accountable for your actions, but you are making your own choices.
Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
*Standing on her chair, applauding* Well said my friend, well said.
Well obviously the bump on the head didn't give him any sense............. I've said this before and I'll say it again- he's in for a rude awakening when he sits down and learns he doesn't have the upper hand with mediators and judges.
I hope you're writing all of these things down- time and date and exact words- what kind of father is unsupportive with homework? Especially an assignment that should take no more than 30 minutes?
How much longer until your scheduled mediation? Will you be ok without his money until then?
Money, I will do what I have to do. Just got off the phone with him and he is having his own pity party of how he tried and I didn't
How, how could he love me, honor me, cherish me, care for me, tell me he loves me each and every day and be an emotional abuser?
I told him just like how the Physical abuser does all of the above and beats the hell out of his wife and she covers her bruises with make up, or doesn't leave the house for a while, wears sunglasses, etc.
Phone fell silent. I reminded him of the time we were on the way home from the chinese food place and he said something to me, cant even remember what it was, and I told him not to ever say that to me again.
I told him that he was never going to hurt me again. That is why I left an unhealthy relationship that was never going to change and that always had, always was, and always would be dictated by his mother.
Now. We talked forever, I am hoarse. UGH. I told him if he feels like he needs a lawyer to let him know what to do, by all means. Get one. We have a sopport HEARING on Nov 7 and the judge will lay it across the table. Either way.
I told him that his mother has had too much of a negative impact on both of our lives and the kids are not going to his house with her today. She can drop him, and I will take them somewhere. (I would rather do this than have my kids around her)
Over and over through the conversation he kept saying , so you are telling me thatr I can't see my kids?? Or, are you telling me the only way I can see my kids if(see above)
I said the kids were not scheduled to be with you at all this weeked, per your request and that is what I am saying, I dont want them around her negative influence right now.
At the end of the conv he said I will ask her. I asked if he thought she would not allow this, and he said I dont know.
Whatever. They'll have to call the lawyer I suppose.
Also, he thinks we should be splitting the pymts. whatever. I said just like we are splitting the responsibilities in the way of I am responsible for them on the weekdays, and if they have a drs appt I have to take them, and if there is a co pay, I have to pay for it, and if there is medicine, I have to pay for it?
He says, no, not like that.
Then what?
Oh, he just called, says he will just look foward to seeing the kids next weekend since this was unplanned and A has that project.
I can only laugh. I said, so she wont take you? Its not that she wont take me, its that I dont feel like you should be able to dictate who can be with them when i am with them.
SO, you are going to just NOT see them because of that? The project takes no more than 20 minutes.
So, it was never an issue w the project he says? Nope, not if he was allowed to do it w you. But when you started with all of the negativity of you and your mothers, I didn't think they should be there.
Skip. So she wont take you? Can you come and get me? O*M*G!!!
See how she is?!?!?! Yes she will. I said then have her meet us with you. And be there because I am not waiting there forever.
Last edited by Pikantari; 10-21-2007 at 10:41 AM..
Reason: I cannot believe his mother
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Forgot something
