Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 09-14-2007, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth/Dallas
11,887 posts, read 36,862,344 times
Reputation: 5663

Advertisements

You're hearing some real-life stories here Robyn, and from some exceptionally good people to boot (magictouch, you REALLY do have a magic touch!). Take heart, your kids WILL be with you and TJ doesn't want the kids. As others have said, he's more concerned with money and wielding control over you to keep as much as he can. ILtB said it well, relax, take a bubble bath, enjoy! Life is good and it will be even better!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-14-2007, 01:17 PM
 
1,649 posts, read 4,993,004 times
Reputation: 1190
I agree that the courts, judges, mediators, counselors, and attorneys will follow the letter of the law in custody issues...including financial issues. Family courts and counselors deal with this stuff all day every day. If the kids are not in counseling, now may be a good time to do so and focus on their issues with their parents' situation and how it will impact them personally. Again *the paper trail*. Also, Robyn could be seeing her counselor on a regular basis to establish her foundation and *the paper trail*.

One suggestion....perhaps, Robyn, you could begin to write down facts. Then you could post them here, and these wise people could add to or help you hone them down to what the court may entertain or throw out. The experienced mothers who are posting will be a great source of information about these issues.

I would think that the Saturday night intake fiasco would be a serious marker on *the paper trail*. TJ and his mother lied to the cops, and Robyn can prove it with the findings at the hospital.

Robyn, you have time to prepare. None of these decisions will happen in the next few days.

Bear, Windy, Pirate.....what is the legal status of these papers that Robyn and TJ drew up and agreed to themselves? Can Robyn just scrap them at this point and consider them null and void? Do they really have any legal foundation, or will they be superseded by what her attorney produces?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2007, 01:28 PM
 
788 posts, read 2,108,763 times
Reputation: 598
any private agreement is null and void in PA if either party chooses to allow the courts to negotiate. In PA if the dad gives $ directly to the mom even inthe existence of the court order the mom is not required to report it and the courts will usually not give credit even if she did.....
I refuse to make any deals with me ex - the one time that I did - for 2 years I heard - "I agreed to give you this - a judge wouldn't do that and you'd get much less - you had better be nicer to me..." The juddge doubled his payments!
I go by the courts and let them do their job - it becomes less of an issue that way....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2007, 01:35 PM
 
Location: In my mind
630 posts, read 2,224,265 times
Reputation: 704
From my experience, this being Ca, any signed agreements will be voided by the courts. Since you yourself know this you signed under duress, I know I did it. But it didn't matter what was previously signed, and you can always go back to the courts at a later time and still change things.

You are strong and you will become stronger as time passes. You will never forget and this will keep you moving forward. You will find in the passing of time your children will grow strong, respect and admire you, for all that you are and for all that you went through for their best interest.

Bod Bless .. Be good to yourself !!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2007, 01:44 PM
 
1,649 posts, read 4,993,004 times
Reputation: 1190
Thank you, Bear and Magic Touch. I thought that any discussion about those papers between them is a waste of breath and energy, but I don't have personal experience with this sort of thing.

Magic, another thanks for your input in this discussion. For those who have lived this....well, your willingness to share what you've encountered is truly of value.

I also suspect that there may be other women who are reading and finding practical information from Robyn's threads. If they are, and continue to live unhappily and in fear, I sincerely hope they will start their own threads. Talking about it is the first step to resolution.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2007, 02:45 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 8,825,259 times
Reputation: 2263
I believe any order is not considered such until it's "ordered" by the courts. I know of several situations in florida in which an agreement between spouses was refused by the judge for being unfair.

I don't think that paper means a thing once it goes to court.

Robyn, make that list and post it here- we can help you prepare.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2007, 02:57 PM
sun
 
Location: Central Connecticut
683 posts, read 2,122,615 times
Reputation: 450
Cinderobyn's lawyer is probably trying to do a no-fault divorce rather than filing suit based on mental cruelty.
It's easier if the parties can agree on the property and custody issues. But since Jim is acting as if he is blameless and is asking for too much in his favor, then cinderobyn may need to claim mental cruelty. Then the final settlement may be more in her favor.
Cinderobyn, hasn't Jim and his stress been the cause of numerous health issues over the course of your marriage? How much your health has improved lately is very relevant.
You didn't leave him by choice really, it was to protect your overall health and the well being of the kids.
I would really like to see you get something from his 401K, or you can trade that to keep both IRS deductions for the kids, but he shouldn't get all three items. It's not your fault that he is so mean, you're the victim and he's the perpetrator, and your lawyer may have given him to many financial benefits in the agreement that he drew up.
I'm dumbfounded that Jim hasn't signed it already, and that's why I hope that he doesn't. I don't think it's the best deal that you can get. If you had his lawyer on your side, then he would be a lot more worried right now than he is.

I'm curious about just how much weight he gained during your marriage. Did the weight gain or a blood pressure increase cause him to start acting differently at some point in the marriage? Was any of it due to his previous alcoholism maybe?


These links mention the difference between mental cruelty vs. desertion of marriage in Virginia.


Facts about divorce and separation in Virginia (broken link)

DivorceNet - Virgina Divorce FAQ's

DivorceNet - Virgina Divorce FAQ's
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2007, 04:41 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,293,805 times
Reputation: 19814
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockky View Post
I agree that the courts, judges, mediators, counselors, and attorneys will follow the letter of the law in custody issues...including financial issues. Family courts and counselors deal with this stuff all day every day. If the kids are not in counseling, now may be a good time to do so and focus on their issues with their parents' situation and how it will impact them personally. Again *the paper trail*. Also, Robyn could be seeing her counselor on a regular basis to establish her foundation and *the paper trail*.

One suggestion....perhaps, Robyn, you could begin to write down facts. Then you could post them here, and these wise people could add to or help you hone them down to what the court may entertain or throw out. The experienced mothers who are posting will be a great source of information about these issues.

I would think that the Saturday night intake fiasco would be a serious marker on *the paper trail*. TJ and his mother lied to the cops, and Robyn can prove it with the findings at the hospital.

Robyn, you have time to prepare. None of these decisions will happen in the next few days.

Bear, Windy, Pirate.....what is the legal status of these papers that Robyn and TJ drew up and agreed to themselves? Can Robyn just scrap them at this point and consider them null and void? Do they really have any legal foundation, or will they be superseded by what her attorney produces?
Our papers that we did were not signed and notarized. They are in my file at my lawyers. If/when Jim signs and has the new one fr my lawyer notarized it will go into effect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2007, 04:52 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,293,805 times
Reputation: 19814
My health has improved to such extremes, it is almost impossible, since the time of my realization.

Jim has gained more than 150 lbs since we have been married. His blood pressure is slightly elevated, but the dr has not asked him to take meds for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2007, 05:05 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,293,805 times
Reputation: 19814
Default He had me so mad....

I felt ill. Lindsay told me he called and that he wanted me to call him.

I called him, and he wanted the kids to have certain things with them tomorrow.

Then he said he suspended my cell phone. I just paid on it. He said I ran up the bill, long distance, 411, text....I got 4 text this month. I did not use 411, I have no idea what he is talking about.

No matter, that is not what made me mad. I asked him if he was going to pay the elec bill from when I was living at his house and he said hell no, its in your name, thats your bill.

He called the elec co and had it switced to my name, and now i am responsible for it, nearly 300. I said I paid the rent over there last month, you are responsible for the elec. he says no I am not, it has your name on it. I say because you changed it over! He says I am not paying it. Did you get the papers from your lawyer?\

UGH here we go. No, just bring back the papers I gave you and dont bother. No, I am not signing anything he says, I said i didn't tell you to sign them, I said just bring them back to me since you dont like them. No, I have tried to do this the nice way. I have asked you nicely all week to get those papers foer me, and you didn't do it, now i will have to get my lawyer to get them for me.

Who is your lawyer? None of your business. I am tired of being a nice white boy. Not anymore, you aren't playing me anymore.

OMG

He says you know we have the mediation on thursday, that is not changing, in a threatening tone.

Are you threatening me? No... Yes he was.

Are you payi9ng the electric bill? No, you lost that when you didn't give me that paperwork. Childish, I know, but I say, ok, then give me back my half of last months rent.

He says no...I have been paying your way all of these years and I am not going to keep doing that. yea right. INsanity.

Oh I wish that call was recorded. there was so much more than what I am putting in here. I hung up on him. He is so crazy.

I don't feel like throwing up anymore. But he had me that mad.

I guess i will just have to work something out w the elec co. I am going to let them know that his name was on the bill, and it was, and he called and took it off, and now is refusing to pay. They took his name off without asking me. Without consulting me.

Oh he is a jerk. i could just see the arrogant face he was making as he talked to me. I hope that face shows up in mediation and court. He makes the facee and doesn't even know it, because towards the end of my time living there, I would tell him to stop looking at me like that when he talked to me. Like what? Like you are better than me. With arrogance.

I am not doing that...whatever.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:46 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top