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Old 09-16-2007, 07:05 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,287,812 times
Reputation: 19814

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Synopsis View Post
I'd like to sit there and have coffee with you sometime Robyn! We're all with you, in spirit anyway - you should know that. But there's nothing like sitting in the early morning hours drinking a cup of hot coffee and chatting it up with a good friend. I LOVE the early morning. It's my favorite part of the day.

It's very fitting that the title of this thread is "A new day has dawned.." A new day is HOPE, in my humble opinion.

You are doing great Robyn, and I agree with the others - you should and will get your children on weekends as well. It's not fair that you have to do all of the "tough stuff" and TJ gets to act like the grandparent and only have them for the fun times. The mediator will see this, rest assured of that.

I'm sorry that I haven't had alot of time on here lately. I'm working, and working, and working. You hang in there girl, we're all with you - you have to know that!

God Bless.
Thanks you Synopsis.... I know all about work work and work...LoL

I have come to love the early morning as well, and i think one day, who knows when, I will have someone to drink my coffee with. I suppose I am drinking it with alot of you right now....
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Old 09-16-2007, 07:06 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,287,812 times
Reputation: 19814
Smile Still going thru pgs/running out of ink...another walk

The sky was not ready for me today.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I approached the park, the sky was still dark, like it still was not ready to wake up, like me, this morning. I felt like I would only get two times around this morning. A little run down.

Started my walk, as I always do, lock up the car, put the keys in my left pocket, cell phone in the right, ear buds in the ears, and my water on the trunk of my car.

Went ahead and took a good sip.

Looked at the peculiar sky, looked around the whole place. I think of this place like...natures Superdome. The track is not an absolute oval, but just takes its time, spreading itself about the nature. The trees grow tall around it on all sides, thick woods and trails. On one end, there is a golf course, it is beautiful. On the other end, the river, camoflouged by a thin line of trees, with only a bit of thickness, here and there.

Again, the sky. Just at the very corner of this dome, right where the edge of the tall trees and the golf course meet, I see some puffy pink looking clouds emerging. Wonderful.

I start my walk. This has happened before, and I have mentioned it before. My eyes are closed, and I am led to where I need to go. There is a dark sky, with only a small bit of light. The breeze blows off the river as my music plays. I continue on, with my eyes closed. I get to the corner of the river.

I open my eyes, not wanting to miss the river. It is visible, only with some mist falling from the sky. On the other corner, at the edge where you would stop seeing the river, there is a covered picnic area, there are several, in the middle of this track.

I notice that there are ligts on inside of it. I look around at all of the others, there are no lights on in any of the others. Coincidence? chance?

I walk around the corner, still being led throught the semi darkess, with the puffy white clouds starting to emerge on the side I have just come from, and the lights on in this picnic area. My eyes are closed, the breeze blows. I feel good. I get right about to where my car is and open my eyes. I have been almost one time around, did I really go around? I was led. My eyes were closed, as if in a dream state, but I went around, because now I have come to the beginning again, and the puffy white clouds are fighting the darkness. I smile, take a big sip of water.

I put it into high gear, eyes wide open now. This is not an angry walk, as the past two days have been, but a walk of determination. My shoulders are straight across, my head is held high. My abdominal muscles are flexed, I feel strong. I see where more and more white clouds are coming out to overpower the darkness.

I can hear myself exhaling. This has just recently started, maybe within the past week or so. I thought about it. I am breathing in the good, and getting rid of the bad. This is what we are taught from the beginning. And this is what I am doing. I get to the river again, and even with the mist, I can see its ripples, it is moving, just as I am, we are as one, we are moving together, non stop.

I come around the curve of darkness, it is still there, and it is where I am most powerfull, with the most determination. No longer do I stand straight, but lean foward, with my head still high, its as though I am moving foward, like there is no tomorrow, like I cannot be stopped, like I will not be stopped.

I look toward the sky, those white clouds have almost covered the whole dome. I think to myself, two times around isn't enough, I look at my cellphone, and I have plenty of time for another trip around, and I take it...

Fierce determination. I want to keep that feeling with me all of the day long. I want to hold it in my hand, in my mind, in my soul, in my very being.

My pace is so fast right now. I can feel the sweat coming across my shoulders and down my back. I have never felt that before, usually only my face or neck, but not today. Not this time.

I get to the river, still with its ripples, and then to the edge, where the darkness was. I look up, and the moon is there, where I could never see it before, it is not a crescent moon, but bigger. Less than half a moon. It smiled at me, rooting me on, the darkness was gone.

Typing this, I can feel it all, my breathing is hurried. It is like I am still there. It is exciting. To be one with the Lords Magesty like that...to be led by Him.

I got to my car, and in reverse order of getting out, I got in. No AC for me today, I put the windows down, that makes me feel free.

I had been the only one out today, as I took the trail leading out of the park, I met my older gentleman walker, and we smiled and waved at eachother. He is there, also for a reason. Everything that we all come into contact with has a purpose, a reason. We may not always know what it is, we may never figure it out, but there is always a reason.


God Bless each and every one of you....you were put here for a reason, just as the gentleman walker. Just as the people at my work. Just as so many people in my life. Everyone plays a part. What our parts are from day to day, who is to say.
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Old 09-16-2007, 07:13 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,287,812 times
Reputation: 19814
Smile The last one for now

I really like this walk, it signifies so much, I did bust out of my shell, and not just my shell, I busted out of the shackes and chains, and the house of them! After reading this, I recognize this as the day that I viewed the House of Chimes. I saw that Alexander was giving me his library books at the end of the post. This was the beginning for me. For the kids. Now to ready myself for church, never made the walk... I suppose that can come later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Uniform 'V'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked, but today, it was different. I kept my pace, not hastened, not slow, but steady. I came to the sign that said TRAIL. I see it everyday. I have been in there once or twice.

Today, I felt the NEED to go in there, and I did. I walked the trail, busting through the spider webs that were made in the night, busting through my shell.

I came upon a regular black and orange turtle. My music playing, only to me, outloud I said,"Oh, a turtle." He was beautiful. He was not the regular black and orange turtle. He had way too much orange on him. He was different , he was beautiful. He was just a little afraid of me. His head was not all the way in the shell, he wanted to see who was coming around the corner, what was coming ahead.

Just like me. I am breaking through the webs of life, I am beautiful, like I have never known myself to be. He was just a little afraid, yet still curioous enough to peek his head out, like me, but I have gotten just a little past that point, I think.

Finally I got out of the trail, past all of the spiders and their webs, saying my goodbyes to the beautiful turtle. I wanted to pick him up. I suppose if i were a child, I would have. I have always loved the nature. I let him be, I let him do his thing.

OUt of the trail and down the wet grassy path to get to the track. I see the river. It moves. It is not choppy, but it moves faster than i have ever seen it, it moves in the same direction in which I am moving. It moves ahead of me as I walk, and the breeze towards me.

I look above me, into the sky at a group of birds. They are trying to get into their uniform v. It takes them a while, but they try try try.

They dont seem to get down over it. They just seem to do different maeuvers to get to what they need to do. They line up, they double up, they are from left to right, but finally, the uniform v. They have done it.

All of their efforts paid off. They were beautiful in flight. Almost more beautiful trying to achieve their v, than once they have achieved it.

Maybe because right now, I am trying to achieve my v. But, they did it with such pride, such essence. They knew what they had to do for their perfect v, and they did it. They flew awy, until no longer could I see them.

I kept on with my walk, still just taking things in. Once you pass the river, there are what seems to be wetlands and tall grasses down the way, it even looks beautiful to me today.

We had horrible storms last night, and yesterday evening. The pond up the way was anew, with all of the scum washed away. The trees shiny. The grass greener.

I walked about 4 miles today, and that is all I will walk on this Saturday, not my normal 5-9. Lindsay and I will have our girls day, As I pulled in the drive, Jim and Alexander were standing in it, getting ready to leave.

I hugged and kissed my son three times. had him get his library books for me to turn in for him. There were at least....17. Thick, heavy books. Whew. I said put them in the back seat!

My walks, they have such meaning to me. Sometimes, I get a bad sense during them, and I can't figure out what it is. Maybe not until two or three days later.

Today felt good. I want to keep that with me.

Last edited by Pikantari; 09-16-2007 at 07:17 AM.. Reason: Noticed something at end of post.... hugs2u all
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Old 09-16-2007, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth/Dallas
11,887 posts, read 36,858,066 times
Reputation: 5663
It's good that you are reflecting back on these things Robyn. I think it is very healthy and lets you know just how really far you have come in only a few short months. You are able to take a pause and reflect on where you've been, but more importantly, where you are going. And that's a great thing! God Bless you Robyn. You are truly amazing.
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Old 09-16-2007, 07:40 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,287,812 times
Reputation: 19814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synopsis View Post
It's good that you are reflecting back on these things Robyn. I think it is very healthy and lets you know just how really far you have come in only a few short months. You are able to take a pause and reflect on where you've been, but more importantly, where you are going. And that's a great thing! God Bless you Robyn. You are truly amazing.
I cannot rep you....but you get 50 thousand reps from me, Syn...

I read some of the posts, and I see my fear, and how I regress, and then come back strong. I see the things he says to me, and how badly I am hurt from them, and I can remember them like yesterday.

Then I see sometimes, where he says things to me, and it doesn't even touch me, as I get further in to the thread.

I see more and more people coming out of the woodwork, backing me, sharing their stories.

It is good therapy to go back and reflect. It shows what I have accomplished, and those walks...

Those walks helped me so much. Who would have ever known what a walk could do for a person.

A walk in the park, thats all it was. So not true, in my case.

OK, who of you are going to have exerpts (sp) in my book, raise of hands are fine.

You know you want to. You know you do.

I will miss Sunday school today, just called the kids, they are going, and so is Tj...OMG He has not been in about 2 years. Hopefully the Lord will send him a message, but he misconstrues everything as it is.

He seemed to be in a good mood on the phone, but who knows. Maybe his mom has gotten him to go to church, told him that it will look better on his part. Who knows, indeed...
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Old 09-16-2007, 07:51 AM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 8,823,423 times
Reputation: 2263
Robyn, one trip to church in two years- and on the Sunday before mediation will not redeem him to GOD, the mediator, or even the judge. It's just more evidence of his propensity to manipulate.
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Old 09-16-2007, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Mayacama Mtns in CA
14,520 posts, read 8,746,577 times
Reputation: 11356
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinderobyn View Post
Thanks you Synopsis.... I know all about work work and work...LoL

I have come to love the early morning as well, and i think one day, who knows when, I will have someone to drink my coffee with. I suppose I am drinking it with alot of you right now....
Yes...and I'm on my second cup So I feel as though we are having coffee together.

My special cup, Robyn, is one which belonged to my daughter...it has a lovely Calla lily on it, which was one of her favourite flowers....

I'm out the door now, too; picking up and friend and her son and off to the service of prayer.

Love seeing your growing strength: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well' (from Saint Juliana of Norwich)
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Old 09-16-2007, 08:17 AM
 
788 posts, read 2,108,506 times
Reputation: 598
I am drinking coffee in my tink mug too! I also love tink. When we took the older kids to disney a few years back i think i was the most excited to watch her fly. I love that she's spunky and spoiled and cute - we all need to be like that sometimes!
Going back is hard - but you are so lucky to have an electronic journal - and of course all of us old biddies to nag you!! An electronic coffee klutch!!
I am so glad that you can see the progress you are making - that is so important in the process that you are going through. It will help you so much when one of his arrows finds your heart. That isn't backsliding - that's maturity - because even though it hurts - you don't fall apart - you wipe it away and get back on your feet and keep going.
When I was a single mom and worked 50+ hours a week some of my friends used to ask how I did it and it always amazed me cause I didn't think about it. You just get up everyday and do what needs to be done. It is amazing though and being here with you while you do it - I am in awe at how brave you are. It is hard to take a good long look at yourself and see it all - the good and the bad - very few people can or will ever do it. When you truly know yourself you can be at peace. It doesn't make you perfect - but it makes you better off! I am proud of you.
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Old 09-16-2007, 09:18 AM
MsV
 
2,604 posts, read 1,078,638 times
Reputation: 871
Sorry guys...I can see many of you posted while I was writing, and my response seems out of sequence...

No judge or mediator is going to think it's fair or good that you not have them at least 2X a month...would be that they see him only occasionally, and under monitored, mediated conditions. He's one sick puppy,he's mean, he's cruel, and he is unstable.

That's the point exactly! This guy is threatening he's going to get the kids ~~ is he kidding? He is a mentally unstable, mean and neglectful cretin ~ why would he get unmonitored time with those kids at all?

Robyn, have you told your attorney that TJ says none of the abuses happened? I'm just wondering how it can be proven ~ taped arrogant ph messages, plus Alexander's testimony too ~

By the way, should Robyn bring up at all that TJ makes more than he claims?
Would that be a beneficial thing to do, in light of the fact that he is not going to help her financially at all? It would be different if he were to share his wages with them. EX-Gov McGreevey's ex-wife was in today's paper saying "He's hiding income" and she wants more $/benefits. Isn't that a mediation topic?

Last edited by MsV; 09-16-2007 at 09:27 AM..
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Old 09-16-2007, 11:25 AM
 
788 posts, read 2,108,506 times
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At this point I think she should bring up the "hiding money" because it speaks to his character also. Once you prove that someone is a liar in one realm it goes to show that it carries over into all of the others. TJ is a jerk - but as far as trying to take the kids - it's an empty threat. Most men whose wifes leave them do it and it means nothing - except to scare the bejeebs out of the moms. The courts will see that she has made the decision to end the marriage but not to take his children from him - she is letting him have them every weekend so that they can have some stability right now and not take too much away from TJ. They will see that instead of accepting the end of the marriage - he is still being controlling and nasty. He will not get the kids - it's not even really an issue - I really don't think that she'll have to prove anything - it's her word against his. If she was lying and making it all up she would have to be a mean spiteful woman - that sort of woman is not going to let the children go with their father every weekend - even for a little while. That sort of woman would take the children away completely and tell him to fight for them. That part will be okay. As far as Alexander testifing - that is months away. The mediation will happen and they will make a ruling. If either party does not accept it they will contest it and then the mandatory counseling and evals will begin. At that point they will talk to the kids - several times usually - and the truth will come out.
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