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Robyn, follow all of the advice here. Do not let him see the kids. Do the following:
Tell your attorney you want an emergency ex-parte hearing to gain temporary custody of the kids EARLY next week. And be willing to establish very rigid visitation- every other weekend from 9AM SAT until 4 PM SUN or similar until permanent custody is established. You should be able to get this because of the stunt he pulled with mediation and the threats he's making. And have him follow up on that bench warrant.
Call your local police and tell them that you expect problems this weekend. Explain that he didn't attend mediation- and that you will be calling them if he darkens your doorstep this weekend.
VISIT the kid's schools and speak to the principals. Explain what is happening and demand that they do not release the kids to him under any circumstances. If they tell you they cannot do this, take the kids home from school for the day. If they do agree, you need to meet that school bus after school so he cannot attempt to kidnap them.
You need to do all of this asap. If you're still up tonight, call the police. If he is registered as their father and the school knows no better, they can and will release the kids to him if he wants them.
Communicate to the school that you are working on an emergency order.
Please Robyn, do these things.
Just started reading this morning and didn't see this yesterday PG. That is some fantastic advice. You folks are a wealth of information; sadly it's probably because most of you have lived through things like this. It just goes to show, you can't keep a good woman down!
Rockky said: "Robyn, Talk to your attorney about a temp order today. You don't want to wait over the weekend to get the info.
You really don't need to give Jim any reason at all why you are keeping the kids at Chimes this weekend. No matter what reason you give, he will argue and tell you that it is wrong. The more you say, the more he has to manipulate you.
Discuss it with the kids. Tell them you want to get some things done around the house and will need their help. I hope that is true. Don't ever tell them something that isn't true. If they think your motivations are to keep them from their father, all hell will break loose. Just be factual. I'm sure there is some reason that holds merit. Also, when he questions the kids..and we all know he will....they will only have the factual info to give him." (Sorry don't know how to do quotes from two different posts...)
Quote:
Originally Posted by I love the Bears
I agree with everyone about not telling the kids the reason. Just tell them it's your turn now - they will be so happy! And they probably know what's up anyway - little pitchers have big ears and if they are anything like my little tribe - they are nosy! You can't keep secrets from kids and I'm sure IB (love that!) isn't trying. He can't see past himself to see what they need - if he was capable you wouldn't be in the situation you are. that is not putting him down - it's just reality.
He lied to you about the mediation being cancelled - as of now you have no reason to speak to him. You owe him nothing. Calmly tell him to call your lawyer and hang up after telling him that any further contact will be considered harassment and then if he keeps calling for YOU - you have to call the police. they won't do much more than call him and tell him to stop calling you - but that might take a little wind out of his sails.
I'd call about the bench warrant - the sherrif's office - you can call the mediation office and get the number. They will be able to tell you if one has been issued.
Plus - I would try for the protective order - even if you just file and get denied - it's on record......
And what Synopsis just quoted from PG is very good too.
All of this seems very important to try and put together for today. I know, I know you also have to actually 'go to work' as well, so we'll all be thinking 'specially of you today as you work through this stuff. You can do this! We're behind you 100% with prayers and best wishes.
Last edited by Macrina; 09-21-2007 at 06:19 AM..
Reason: I can't spell..
OK, I'm confused...I just read all the posts and it sounds like you attended an orientation to mediation, but not a mediation. That you were told to leave all research&forms. Of course this will make IB look as bad as he is...and it is a great introduction to the idea that he NOT get the kids every weekend.
I am in complete agreement with all the suggestions to "click" IB any time he breathes Robyn's way...no more mrs nice lady!
I also agree that it would be legal to keep the children this weekend. Let IB know that, until he attends mediation and gets things in order, he's not calling the shots. Have your attorney call IB first thing, and let hiim know what's happening.
Instead of staying home, tell the kids that it's 'your' turn to have fun with them, & go out exploring your new area for the day, Mcdonald's on the way home. Have you any place you can visit, so that if IB comes by, you're not there? He'll call, but quickly tell him that you can't talk now and (if he insists on talking with the kids), let him know, they will call him later. I think it would be torturous for you to be in the house all day with them, theoretically waiting for IB to bully his way over.
You could go to your sisters for the weekend, or even come on up to visit me, but I'm guessing you can't take them out of the state (or can you?). I don't know why not, just tell him you're visiting a friend (no other info of course).
Most importantly, speak with your lawyer and find out if this is a legally safe plan, then plan something to keep you all busy during the weekend. Even take your laundry with you and do with whomever you visit - I have a washer & dryer - you can do it over coffee here while the kids play...only problem is I don't have a Tinkerbell mug...just a Santa one and a "Love" one.
My hats off to all the posters here, no sense in repeating anything, you are wonderful advisors!
Imagine going through this course of events and running it by such an intelligent supportive audience - it would cost a fortune otherwise...Robyn, in no way are you alone with this...please take all suggestions into consideration, they are right on!
This is going to sound trivial, but i went to DMV, because when i was packing, I found the title to the car that he had thrown out in the carpot, along with the letter from Chrysler saying it is paid off. He, on the day we all went to DMV filed out a form giving me POA to switch the title into my name without him being there.
So, I got the cars title into my name, new tags, registration, title. He cannot call the car in stolen or anything like that, and I would not put it past him.
I have gone to the courthouse and filed for child support and spousal support along with the custody that has already been filed.
He obviously does not want to try and be civil, we have been through 2 sep agreements, and he did not go to court ordered mediation orientation, and then onto mediation yesterday. I went to the orientation and our names were on the docket. He can go next week if he likes, but I will not be there for mediation.
Now, if he would like to mediate, I may be able to work with him on that, I MAY be able. Right now all he is showing is that he does not want to do anything to help his kids at all, and does not want to be responsible for them at all.
I went to my lawyer. He advised me to do the things at JDR, above. He said he can represent me in court for custody, but he doesn't think he will need to, with all of the evidence...he told me to document document document. I told him I think he is getting a lawyer and that he is going to try and take the kids, and I am afraid to let him even have them on the weekends. He told me i dont have to, and I told him, on the flip side, he has just as much right to them as I do....he can take them...
OOOH. I cant do a temp order of custody. We have to wait til the court date, although I can get it expedited, which I may as well do, its not until 111907.
I am so tired and worn out. Emotions I suppose. Power control. I hate it. He knows that if it has to do w the kids, he can get to me, I have to let it slide.
Also, left a message on his landlords vm, because he turned in that 60 day notice, and I wanted to know if it was still in effect. I told her she could just leave the answer on my vm because I would not be home. She rec'v a letter today stating that he would not be moving and she canc all tentative interviews for rentals.
I called her back and left a message that my name must come off of there and I will not be responsible for his rent, that he must have a co signer for her to please call me back.
This weekend...
Last edited by Pikantari; 09-21-2007 at 01:13 PM..
Robyn, this stage in the dissolution of your marriage had to come. You'll get through it, although it's going to be miserable. Don't be surprised if he's Mr. Nice Guy next time you talk to him either. But don't let that fool you--just keep moving forward with help from your attorney and your friends. It will all be behind you some day--hopefully sooner rather than later.
That is awesome - the car is not trivial - GREAT JOB all in one day!
Maybe as soon as he sees that you are not messing around he'll agree to a temp cust agreement that you can use until the hearing. But also think about this - you can't just give in after a few days - cause then he'll see that too. If it takes until 111907 - then he has to wait until then. You are right - HE did this - you tried to be reasonable - hell you bent over backwards to give him the kids every weekend. He did this with his behavior and it will not change for awhile - it took him years to "perfect" these patterns - it may very well take him years to undo them - like training dogs and kids!! You have to be consistent - do the same thing everytime. Don't give in and talk if you have told him that you won't. It sucks to have to be so tough - but in the long run it will be better. The old saying is start the way you mean to end. You set up your rules now and force him to follow them.
GOOD JOB today - I am sure that you are tired! Now - you have the weekend with your kids - what could be better. Other than a million dollars to move to another country!!
Robyn, this stage in the dissolution of your marriage had to come. You'll get through it, although it's going to be miserable. Don't be surprised if he's Mr. Nice Guy next time you talk to him either. But don't let that fool you--just keep moving forward with help from your attorney and your friends. It will all be behind you some day--hopefully sooner rather than later.
Oh to be in the time it is behind me. But he will always be with me. Will he always be how he is? I will never know. Not anytime soon. But he is horrid.
I will get through it. I just need to let the things he says to me float over, it is so hard though, and when he says things to me that are so out of wack, like the fact that he has finally figured out what I have done to him...
It really bends me out of shape, after what he did to us. Click. I even threw in a have a nice day for drama. Whatever. Have not spoken with him today.
Then don't - you don't have to speak with him......as long as he knows that he's not taking the children until you have a legal agreement - you don't have to talk to him!!
Take a break for a second and think about how far you've already come. When you started the first thread--June or July?--you weren't even sure about what you wanted to do. In 3 months you've found a GREAT place to live, moved out, acquired almost all the furniture and appliances that you need, moved your kids to a better school, hired a lawyer, got divorce proceedings started, got your car placed in your own name and started going back to church. Plus, you started exercising, improved your diet and have lost weight.
Through it all you've maintained your sense of humor and have been an inspiration to everyone keeping up with your situation. Dang, woman, you're a superhero!
You spent 12 years with Jim. Twelve years from now you'll be 45 (young!), Alexander will be 25 (!) and Lindsay will be ... 21? The only time you'll ever see Idiot Boy will be at your kids' weddings and the grandbabies' birthday parties. He will have no control over you at all.
You're exhausted right now. Take a deep breath and go sit on the porch and relax a while. Everything is going to be all right.
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This, plus what Rockky just said....
so we'll all be thinking 'specially of you today as you work through this stuff. You can do this! We're behind you 100% with prayers and best wishes.
