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Old 01-06-2012, 06:01 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,926,647 times
Reputation: 8956

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I have never understood what people mean when they say they love someone but don't like them. I think that this is just a sentiment that sounds good . . . but I am open to learning more about this dynamic and just EXACTLY what is meant by it.

If I don't like someone, I certainly don't love them . . . My theory is that there are people it is tabu to dislike and not love either, so someone came up with the lame sentiment "I love him but I don't like him."

Please show me the error of my thinking and explain EXACTLY what you mean about not liking someone but loving them.

It is a totally incongruent idea to me.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
973 posts, read 1,705,342 times
Reputation: 1110
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I have never understood what people mean when they say they love someone but don't like them. I think that this is just a sentiment that sounds good . . . but I am open to learning more about this dynamic and just EXACTLY what is meant by it.

If I don't like someone, I certainly don't love them . . . My theory is that there are people it is tabu to dislike and not love either, so someone came up with the lame sentiment "I love him but I don't like him."

Please show me the error of my thinking and explain EXACTLY what you mean about not liking someone but loving them.

It is a totally incongruent idea to me.
Well, I have said this both about my children and my SO. What I meant is that I do LOVE them, but I do not like how they are behaving. especially if it is out of the ordinary for them. So to me, that is how I look at the statement.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,860,632 times
Reputation: 25362
I love my mom, but I don't like how she handles things and her rough personality. But I got love my mom.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,204 posts, read 2,527,327 times
Reputation: 1551
I love my brother, but I don't like how he is a financial drain on my parents and I don't like the way he has decided to live his life.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:30 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,926,647 times
Reputation: 8956
I'm sorry, but no one has explained exactly what they mean.

I think of like and love on a continuum . . . I like you, I like you a lot, I love you. I dislike you, I dislike you a lot, I hate you - Not I dislike you a lot, but I love you. It just doesn't make one iota of sense to me.

Is there anyone that can actually explain what they mean?

I can understand how it is not politically correct to say you dislike and don't love your child or your mother, but I think it is probably more authentic and "true" than saying, "I dislike them but I love them." Where does the love come in . . .how is it perceived? Love is a good feeling . . .so you have a good feeling and a bad feeling at the same time?

When you see the person coming do you say, "Oh no, here comes that PITA, I sure love them but they make my skin crawl?"

Come on, people, 'splain!
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:45 PM
 
37,617 posts, read 45,996,704 times
Reputation: 57199
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I have never understood what people mean when they say they love someone but don't like them. I think that this is just a sentiment that sounds good . . . but I am open to learning more about this dynamic and just EXACTLY what is meant by it.

If I don't like someone, I certainly don't love them . . . My theory is that there are people it is tabu to dislike and not love either, so someone came up with the lame sentiment "I love him but I don't like him."

Please show me the error of my thinking and explain EXACTLY what you mean about not liking someone but loving them.

It is a totally incongruent idea to me.
My sister says that all the time about her oldest son. Pretty simple. You love them, and you want them to be safe, happy, productive, and all that. You just want them to do all that, in a different house, or state, even.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:47 PM
 
37,617 posts, read 45,996,704 times
Reputation: 57199
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I'm sorry, but no one has explained exactly what they mean.

I think of like and love on a continuum . . . I like you, I like you a lot, I love you. I dislike you, I dislike you a lot, I hate you - Not I dislike you a lot, but I love you. It just doesn't make one iota of sense to me.

Is there anyone that can actually explain what they mean?

I can understand how it is not politically correct to say you dislike and don't love your child or your mother, but I think it is probably more authentic and "true" than saying, "I dislike them but I love them." Where does the love come in . . .how is it perceived? Love is a good feeling . . .so you have a good feeling and a bad feeling at the same time?

When you see the person coming do you say, "Oh no, here comes that PITA, I sure love them but they make my skin crawl?"

Come on, people, 'splain!
Plenty of explanations here. Just read them.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,729,092 times
Reputation: 40199
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I'm sorry, but no one has explained exactly what they mean.

I think of like and love on a continuum . . . I like you, I like you a lot, I love you. I dislike you, I dislike you a lot, I hate you - Not I dislike you a lot, but I love you. It just doesn't make one iota of sense to me.

Is there anyone that can actually explain what they mean?

I can understand how it is not politically correct to say you dislike and don't love your child or your mother, but I think it is probably more authentic and "true" than saying, "I dislike them but I love them." Where does the love come in . . .how is it perceived? Love is a good feeling . . .so you have a good feeling and a bad feeling at the same time?

When you see the person coming do you say, "Oh no, here comes that PITA, I sure love them but they make my skin crawl?"

Come on, people, 'splain!

The others here have already given you good examples - try to wrap your brain around them

Most of us love the members of our family and have loved them since we were really young - maybe even since they were born.

But as they, and we, grew up we don't always LIKE who that person we love either becomes as they too grew up, or who they are now that we are grown up enough to really know them, see?

The love came first, so it can supercede the dislike we eventually grow into, as long as the person is not SO abusive (of themselves or others) that they don't kill the love we've felt for them forever.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:55 PM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,070,743 times
Reputation: 12818
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagitarrius48 View Post
Well, I have said this both about my children and my SO. What I meant is that I do LOVE them, but I do not like how they are behaving. especially if it is out of the ordinary for them. So to me, that is how I look at the statement.
^^^This!

I have said about my kids and other loved ones as well
"it's a good thing I love them, because right now I don't like them very much".

It's usually when they are being naughty or demonstrating behavior that is not acceptable. It's not that I don't like them, but I dislike their behavior at that moment.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:01 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,926,647 times
Reputation: 8956
No need to get insulting. I can't "wrap my head around" the idea because it doesn't make sense to me . . .just because you have known them a long time and now dislike them does not follow that you also love them . . . How can you dislike and love simultaneously?
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