He's just not interested is he? (boyfriend, man, sex, calling)
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Have been with my boyfriend for over a year now.
He often plays hot an cold with me and its starting to affect my mental health.
Although equally I'm not sure if this is a "me" problem and I'm being too needy, but his behaviour definitely exacerbates this...
Thursday we spent the day together in town, we got food, played some darts, few drinks and had (at least what I thought was) a great day.
I stay at his place and Friday morning I left as he had to work but told him I'm around later to hang if he's free. He told me he is going to the cinema with friends. Later he texts me saying the cinema was cancelled so he reached out to other friends and is seeing them instead. I met a friend for dinner. He sends a couple of messages but then stops responding to me.
I call him this morning(Saturday) at 10.30am and again at 1pm. No answer. He texts me instead saying he was busy hanging washing so missed my call. He said he is watching the game today so will call me later.
I said that's fine, I was just calling to see if he wants to go for food later. He replies "I don't think I can" No reason or explanation. I said ok no probs, and said I was in his area later if he is free after the game before he goes out this evening (it finishes at 4pm so figured I could pop by on my way home to say hey before he went out).
He just replied saying "I'm OK thanks" I replied and said I know you're ok I was just suggesting a way for us to spend some time together. He text back "I know"
WTF? He's really not fussed or bothered about me at all is he?
No he's not fussed or bothered or overly needy.
You are more into him than he is into you. And maybe you are too needy. Or, maybe it's not that you are too needy, but just that you want more togetherness than he does. Two different people with different needs.
Perhaps you should step back a bit and stop initiating the contact. Then you could judge just how much (or how little) contact he wants.
BTW, if you think this is actually affecting your mental health, stop concerning yourself with the boyfriend and see a mental health professional. Pretty much everyone goes through a few romances that don't work out, and most get through them with a little sorrow or anger, not actually causing mental health concerns.
Even if he is into you, he soon will not be. From his point of view, you may be seen as suffocating because you are the one constantly initiating a way to squeeze into his schedule. Having your efforts rejected of course is wearing on you. For your sake, please fall back as others suggested.
Having said that, though, it is possible that you both are mismatched. However, if this is a pattern in your relationships, then you may need some help on establishing better boundaries for yourself and others.
For now, treat this as an experiment just to see what would happen if you stopped initiating contact and became genuinely busy yourself (hobbies, other friends, other potential dates...) If he comes to you, then you will know that you do need to fall back when it comes to him and you will have to decide if that type of relationship is what you truly wants. If he does not initiate contact or takes a very long time, then I would understand that he is not interested. If that is the case, then remember he is not the only guy out there and he is not what you were looking for anyway.
From your post, it’s clear he wants to hang with his friends. You realize this. Accept it and don’t take it personally. You’re lucky he has outside interests.
I agree with others that you should stop initiating contact and find other things to do in between your dates. Perhaps you need to take a pottery class?
Holey cow, you are demanding. You call and text incessantly. Do you have to have constant reassurance? Back off a bit.
I don't know how much he is into you as a person, but he sure isn't into texting every hour and non-stop phone calls.
If he is doing something else, you go and finds some thing else to do. If he is with his friends, you get together with your friends and do whatever the group does to entertain yourselves. Do not depend on him for all of your entertainment.
If the only time he wants to see you is in the bedroom, you don't have a relationship and constantly begging for attention isn't going to make that any better. Then you decide if occasional sex with a man that doesn't care about you is meeting your needs.
If he does things out in public with you and introduces you to his friends, then he probably is in a relationship with you, not just one where he wants to entertain you non-stop not to provide the only meaning in your life.
Get a hobby so that occasionally when he calls you, you already have plans and you aren't available non-stop 24 hours a day.
He long ago started to lose interest, but probably one of those guys who doesn't want to seem the bad guy for breaking up, so he'll act in ways that will make the OP lose interest. That's his hope at least, but if after over a year the OP doesn't get it, then who knows.
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