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Her reason for saying no, according to her, was not exactly that she didn't like me. She said she felt a bond but doesn't know what it means. She was still trying to understand how she felt, given that she has never been in a relationship before.
At this point, you should no longer bring it up IMO. The next move should be hers. If she never brings it up, that's a clear answer.
Also, be aware that a lot of women feel some pressure not to be crystal clear when they are rejecting you that it's because they're not attracted to you romantically. It would probably be better if they did, but it feels like a harsh thing to do, especially when you want to keep that person as a friend.
At this point, you should no longer bring it up IMO. The next move should be hers. If she never brings it up, that's a clear answer.
Also, be aware that a lot of women feel some pressure not to be crystal clear when they are rejecting you that it's because they're not attracted to you romantically. It would probably be better if they did, but it feels like a harsh thing to do, especially when you want to keep that person as a friend.
That makes a lot of sense. Maybe I'm just misreading her attempt at not being harsh as a sign that she may potentially change her mind.
I think I'm going to give it some time to see what she does. She knows how I feel, I've made it clear so if she wants anything to do with me I hope she'll make the effort.
Yeah, that waiting thing you're planning on never works because we can feel it. The cat is out of the bag already, she knows you like her in that way.
The only persistence that works is when every time you see or talk to her you make it clear you want to go out with her. It got me to go out but in the end, it didn't work because I wasn't that attracted to him. The reason she gave you signals she isn't attracted to you romantically. So feel free to bide your time but it ain't gonna do you any good.
Think about it, if a girl you weren't attracted to wanted to go out with you, would time make a difference?
A persistent guy, when you're not interested, is a nuisance and quickly gets on your nerves. Don't ask her again. She knows what your feelings are... If she ever changes her mind and reciprocates, more or less subtly, she'll let you know. No expectations though.
Also, ask yourself if you're willing to be just friends with her or if you're merely hanging on "just in case".
That makes a lot of sense. Maybe I'm just misreading her attempt at not being harsh as a sign that she may potentially change her mind.
I think I'm going to give it some time to see what she does. She knows how I feel, I've made it clear so if she wants anything to do with me I hope she'll make the effort.
I think MYREVENGE's post nailed it. The thing I didn't understand when I was young is that time is really important!
Don't waste time on someone who isn't that into you. Finding someone who's a good match for you is in many ways a numbers game. That means you have to learn to move on quickly. (I am very bad at this myself...changing habits gets even harder as you get older). If you can't turn mixed signals into something more definite in a short amount of time, move on quickly.
The best book I ever read on finding someohe was written for women, but most of it is equally applicable to men. I think it should be required reading for high school graduation.
Her reason for saying no, according to her, was not exactly that she didn't like me. She said she felt a bond but doesn't know what it means. She was still trying to understand how she felt, given that she has never been in a relationship before.
She's never been in a relationship before? How old is she? How old are you?
Her reason for saying no, according to her, was not exactly that she didn't like me. She said she felt a bond but doesn't know what it means. She was still trying to understand how she felt, given that she has never been in a relationship before.
That's vague. But usually when a woman friendzones a man she gets along with, it's because there's no physical attraction. Sounds like she was feeding you hope because you kept pushing and she didn't want to be mean.
I have been in this situation more than most and what I would say is cut major contact with her and see what she does. You can text her every now and then, but keep it so that she needs to take the initiative to keep your friendship going.
She could either really value your inner qualities as a friend or pretty much think you're nothing in her life.
Whether or not she contacts you with initiative will be the key to deciphering how much she values you as a person.
As far as romantic pursuit, I'd say you could do it if she keeps contact with you. But only if you can keep your feelings in check and pursue others at the same time. That'll probably be hard.
IMO, turning a woman around is too hard, and it's just not worth it. Find somebody else to pursue.
Thank you all for your input! I've taken all your opinions into consideration and have decided that I am going to back off a bit. If she is interested, I hope she lets me know. If not, there is no use in pursuing a someone who doesn't want to be caught.
I want to continue to be friends with her but I'm not sure how I can do that right now given my feelings. A month away should put me into a position where I can manage my feelings for effectively and not let them completely control what I do.
Giving her your friendship is a big mistake. That is not the relationship you want and things will only get worse. And, you have to have people exit your life to make room for others. As long as you try to keep contact with her you will not find another quality relationship because you are not emotionally available to a new person.
SO, ditch the "friends" plan and move on. If she follows you, make it clear that you are not interested in "just being friends."
You are very rarely going to get the girl by playing the platonic best gay friend for the first 4 months of knowing her.
Not attractive to a woman.
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Learn to move on quickly.
