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I beg to differ. We should value friendship too, who knows what they have together?
I disagree with many posters here. Time CAN make a difference. Familiarity can breed fondness, just not the boring kind.
Ron,
Friendship is indeed to be revered sometimes this is an even stronger bond that 2 people in a relationship have and friendship paired with chemistry is dynamite...
Sometimes and I use this word loosely it can lead to more however usually it does not..
I would like to take this further to state that for reasons that are unknown people are meant to be friends and nothing more...this is not a bad thing the feelings to carry the relationship to another simply will never develop..
So the thing to do is to value the relationship as it exists and pursue SOMEONE whom will consider taking a relationship past friendship..
I beg to differ. We should value friendship too, who knows what they have together?
I disagree with many posters here. Time CAN make a difference. Familiarity can breed fondness, just not the boring kind.
My guess is that you've never been in a situation where you were attracted to a female friend that didn't feel the same way about you. If that isn't bad enough, you keep hanging out with her but she eventually she falls for a guy and you get to see them have the type of relationship you should be having with her. I went through that in high school and believe me it's painful.
What all the other posters are telling the OP is to spare himself the heartache and minimize his contact with this girl.
My guess is that you've never been in a situation where you were attracted to a female friend that didn't feel the same way about you. If that isn't bad enough, you keep hanging out with her but she eventually she falls for a guy and you get to see them have the type of relationship you should be having with her. I went through that in high school and believe me it's painful.
What all the other posters are telling the OP is to spare himself the heartache and minimize his contact with this girl.
Come to think of it, I don't think it is possible to spare the heartache. Either way, it hurts. As much as I appreciate all the input and advice, I find myself torn between what I should/shouldn't do. I told her a a couple days ago "you know how I feel, so the ball's in your court. when you have a definitive answer, i'd like to hear it" but I can't help but feel I should've been a bit more adamant for an answer. But on the other hand, I don't want to be pushy or unreasonable. I have no idea what's best for me, or the situation, any more.
Come to think of it, I don't think it is possible to spare the heartache. Either way, it hurts. As much as I appreciate all the input and advice, I find myself torn between what I should/shouldn't do. I told her a a couple days ago "you know how I feel, so the ball's in your court. when you have a definitive answer, i'd like to hear it" but I can't help but feel I should've been a bit more adamant for an answer. But on the other hand, I don't want to be pushy or unreasonable. I have no idea what's best for me, or the situation, any more.
I am aware that you feel a certain way about her but as a FEMALE and faced with the same scenario in the past?
If she honestly felt a certain way about you she would have stated thus..
You stated that she stated that she did not know and you felt it was because she has never been in a relationship?
This holds very little relevance...
When someone knows they "want" someone more than a friend it is not a question, or a lull in feelings, one already knows...
True story? One of the guys that has fought and held on even while moving on? Came to visit a year ago..we went to dinner, I allowed him to pay, we decided to watch a movie after? I paid so it would NOT seem like a date...
Look for this in my previous posts and it will state the same..
On other threads like yours...
When I drove him home, he tried to kiss me and my first reaction was to hold his face away from mine from making contact, I felt awful..I was single but I did not feel the same even after 20 plus years...there is nothing wrong with him but I cannot see him more than just a good friend..
Now? He showed up with no warning.."he was surprising family"
a couple of weeks ago and I am now in a relationship...he was talking like we were together and I felt awkward.. I had to tell him I was with someone...however after he left back to where he lived he sent me a text with wedding ring pics and asked..."Pick one" I had to remind him...
Now with this stated...had I thought he was the one for me and chemistry wise we could be together? I would have jumped on it.
I mean really..he knows my faults my short comings..but I could not see us sharing a bed, having sex and me being his for the rest of my life...
I am sorry that you are having to go through this and only you know the inner workings of your relationship but do not let this cloud what really is..
When someone knows they "want" someone more than a friend it is not a question, or a lull in feelings, one already knows...
You're right. Even if she didn't know for sure initially, six weeks must have given her some certainty, right?
If she would just come back with a definitive answer, I know within myself that I'd be able to move on. A similar situation happened with the first girl I ever asked out, she said 'no' and made it clear that she could not see any potential for us. That was fine for me. It's this uncertainty that is confusing me so much. Should I just wait for an answer, or is there a way in which I can get an answer without compromising our friendship?
You're right. Even if she didn't know for sure initially, six weeks must have given her some certainty, right?
If she would just come back with a definitive answer, I know within myself that I'd be able to move on. A similar situation happened with the first girl I ever asked out, she said 'no' and made it clear that she could not see any potential for us. That was fine for me. It's this uncertainty that is confusing me so much. Should I just wait for an answer, or is there a way in which I can get an answer without compromising our friendship?
I'm sorry bro but she has given you a definitive answer by not giving you an answer. DR74 has already laid it out for you and she is a woman. Listen to her.
As I man that has been where you are when I was 22 and in grad school, I want to come through this computer screen to slap you. You need to stop. You're not only hurting yourself but you're slowly making her p*ssed at you. She's not interested in you as more than a friend. Don't brush that aside and push your feelings onto her. She don't want you. She's going to have to be very harsh with you before you stop. DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL.
Concentrate on other things and women. You're too focused on her bc you have no other options at the moment. But rest assured you will have women that want you. She isn't the one.
You're right. Even if she didn't know for sure initially, six weeks must have given her some certainty, right?
If she would just come back with a definitive answer, I know within myself that I'd be able to move on. A similar situation happened with the first girl I ever asked out, she said 'no' and made it clear that she could not see any potential for us. That was fine for me. It's this uncertainty that is confusing me so much. Should I just wait for an answer, or is there a way in which I can get an answer without compromising our friendship?
I would think after 6 weeks she would know whether she wants a relationship or not....do you take her out on dates??does she date anyone else??if not, then maybe on your next get together you could tell her that you're a one-woman man....and you're looking for an exclusive relationship...and then just flat out ask her if she's interested in being that woman...at least then you'll know if you should look elsewhere or not.
I've been this girl before. When I was a freshman in college I really connected to a guy that I met, we spent a lot of time together. I felt I could be myself around him, he was a great friend, we would even sleep with each other in the same bed sometimes. But we were never physical, we never even kissed. I didn't know what I wanted, he wanted more, he got hurt and I've never seen him again. 15 years later I still wonder what happened to him, he would have been a wonderful partner, but I couldn't see it at the time.
Bottom line is that if you two carry on this way it may not go in your favor and you may get hurt. Just make sure you are willing to accept the friendship in whatever form it takes. Back off from pressuring her as that will just make her pull away. Good luck.
Come to think of it, I don't think it is possible to spare the heartache. Either way, it hurts. As much as I appreciate all the input and advice, I find myself torn between what I should/shouldn't do. I told her a a couple days ago "you know how I feel, so the ball's in your court. when you have a definitive answer, i'd like to hear it" but I can't help but feel I should've been a bit more adamant for an answer. But on the other hand, I don't want to be pushy or unreasonable. I have no idea what's best for me, or the situation, any more.
I used to have the philosophy that since I am probably not the most physically attractive guy, that befriending women first and getting to know them would be the most successful route for me. That way, I could get to know them too and find out if I liked them on the inside.
This approach killed me for many years. Totally counterproductive. You have to change your whole mentality and approach.
You have to LISTEN to the guys on this site! They've been there. I've been there. Cut contact.
NO WOMAN WHO HAS SHOWN YOU NO PHYSICAL ROMANTIC INTEREST IS SO SPECIAL AS TO TAKE UP YOUR HEART AND TIME. She is NOT thinking about you like you are thinking about her. Stop thinking about the friendship. If you cut contact, and she values the friendship, she will initiate.
There's someone else out there just as good. Who likes you. Making her better...
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