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Old 01-10-2012, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Murphy, TX
672 posts, read 3,079,794 times
Reputation: 511

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Most of my life I did not pay too much attention to girls. Most of high school and all of college I was quite busy studying. Also, I considered myself fairly shy to actually approach girls. Back then I remember my parents thought it was great I wasn't getting distracted by girls!

Now I am 26 years old, got a good job and bought a house awhile back. Recently, both my parents have started talking about girls to me. My mother is a traditional Asian, I know for sure she wants me married to girl from her country sometime in the future. And my dad was telling me he can't believe he has to tell his son go chase after girls...

Supposedly in the future the next stage of my life is to find girl to marry and start a family according my parents and a of lot people I know. Honestly, I don't see the point of getting married or having a family. Often, I think guys are crazy to actually get married! Probably, the main reason I might start putting effort to go after girls is because I want to have sex with them.

I could straight out tell both parents only reason I would chase girls is for sex, but I am 100% sure it won't go over to well. I know then would want lecture about why marriage/family is good thing and sleeping around isn't. I guess I could continue with my delaying tactic and tell OK I am considering it.

Any suggestion how to deal with my parents? A way get them to see marriage is a horrible idea would even better!
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Old 01-10-2012, 11:32 PM
 
Location: PA
2,113 posts, read 2,395,313 times
Reputation: 5470
Oh, boy, this is a tough one.

You're right in not telling your parents that the only reason that you would just chase girls for sex. What about something along the lines of focusing on your career, maybe?

I actually feel fortunate right now that my parents had a terrible marriage, because when I told them that I was not interested in marriage or having children, neither of them even bat an eyelash. What exactly are they concerned will happen if you don't get married or have a family? It's not like the only two choices that you have in life are family man and manwhore. What sort of things would you like to accomplish, and how would marriage and family get in the way of that? Maybe you can find a way to explain why you feel that getting married and having a family would be less favorable than doing these things. The delaying tactics will just keep them hounding you.
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Old 01-11-2012, 12:09 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,394 posts, read 15,646,621 times
Reputation: 6262
tell 'em you wanna focus on your career, like swgirl said.

Otherwise, it's your life, if you don't wanna get married and have kids then that's your choice, not theirs.
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,432,025 times
Reputation: 10808
Well, just date women, have all the sex you and they want, but never let things get serious. Everyone is happy, your parents are satisfied that you're trying, and who knows - you may just meet someone eventually that you won't want to live without.

There is a balance between living your own life, and avoiding confrontation with traditionalist family. You don't want to harm your relationship with them, but you do need to go your own way. Misdirection seems justified.
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:06 AM
 
16,433 posts, read 22,113,423 times
Reputation: 9622
Don't let anyone, including your well meaning parents, rush you into relationships you're not ready for or interested in. It's your life and your responsibilities. You pay the price for a wrong choice, not your parents. I was 33 before I met my life mate, and had I met her even one year earlier I would undoubtedly have messed it up. Let life take it's course.
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:07 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,567,369 times
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Tell them that you're dedicating your life to serving Jesus.
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:20 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
44,261 posts, read 19,924,577 times
Reputation: 115012
OP, you don't owe your parents an explanation about your choices.

Marrying and having children should be your choice, at a time that is right for you, if that ever comes about. Perhaps you could explain to your parents that pleasing them is not the right reason for you to marry and have kids. It has to be right for you.
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts
526 posts, read 952,701 times
Reputation: 550
OP, I understand your frustration. At least you are a man, I am a woman and my parents (especially my lovely mother) take every opportunity they can to remind me that my biological clock is about to expire, lol. Being a Dominican woman at 28 with no kids is almost unheard of where I am from, so every time I visit I do not only have to put up with my family, but with many of my friends and even neighbors. I do not let anyone tell me what to do. Kids are not in my "to-do" list in the next couple of years. Sorry mom!

What I have done is tell them that I am going out and "trying and looking" for Mr. right. Maybe that'll work for your parents. If they see you are trying, they might get off your back for some time. Good luck and stick to your gut. Only you know what's better for you and what will make you happy.
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:48 AM
 
733 posts, read 1,659,816 times
Reputation: 886
I'll take a stab at this. I agree with all of the above on how to deal with your parents.

But I'm not so convinced that you won't ever want to start a family. You said that your experience with relationships is lacking, well, you can't know for sure if you like something if you've never had it. Maybe deep down you do want to have a relationship with your dream girl, but you are too afraid to approach girls. For instance, I'm terrified of skydiving, so I haven't done it yet, but if I were to be able to let go of some of my fear, I would definitely give it a try, it's a once in a life time experience, and I wouldn't want to miss out on that simply because I'm scared.

You are 26, you are still very young to be settling down or be completely certain about your life choices, there is no guarantee that you will never meet someone you actually want to marry, so don't burn that bridge with the parents YET as it would break their hearts to learn that there won't be any grandchildren, until you are absolutely certain that marriage is not for you.

For now, just date around a little and have fun with it. Explore the world, flirt with pretty exotic girls on vacation, start a conversation with that girl in your building that looks kinda cute in her jogging clothes, etc etc. You might eventually change your mind about marriage, or not. But at least you will know for sure.

As for dealing with parents, just tell them that you are definitely looking, but that you have standards and won't marry just any girl, the right girl will probably take a while to find. <- and it won't be a lie
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Old 01-11-2012, 02:35 PM
 
Location: GA
475 posts, read 1,365,560 times
Reputation: 336
They just assumed you were multi-tasking some parents don't want all the details. Traditional culture says they want grandkids and not excuses and this is certainly pressure but you don't have to deliberately rebel or rule anything out because you feel it isn't worth your time. That's a rationalization for not trying. You have a chunk of life left to go, time to get out with friends or whatever to see who you can meet. Who knows, maybe you meet someone not from your mom's homeland and then you'd really be a rebel.
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