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Well, they asked my best friend (who is a girl) because they saw my post on her page. Of course my best friend totally told them what a great guy I am. I actually did meet all 3 girls at my best friend's birthday party. One showed up with a new guy she started seeing, so that was no go. One was super annoying. The last one I think was into me, but I wasn't really into her. So none of those panned out. Just as well, as they live in Dallas, and I don't really do the distance thing.
No I never posted pictures with my car or talked about how much money I make on any of my profiles. I have a match and an okcupid profile, but I don't really feel comfortable posting it on a public forum. I'm sure you understand
Hey, I got ur message. The answer is 22, but I dont know why it matters lol. ANywayz, I was only allowed to send one direct message a day here on this site (what is going on) so I can not reply straight to ur message. If u still can direct message, then just message me ur email so I can email u instead and we can discuss from there. Talk to u soon.
I was a member to this site 30 minutes ago but ur post is def a hot topic, despite the fact that it is 3 years old already lol. WHat got me super duper curious right now because you said (years ago) that there were girls who asked ur friends if you were single because they saw ur facebook page. I was like wow, being a girl myself, I know that this doesnt happen too often unless the guy is like prince charming or something.
So I dont understand how the online dating thing got u frustrated 3 years ago. But I guess it was about how u had pictures with ur car and u talked abt income and stuffs. Do u still have a profile by any chance? Okcupid perhaps.
You. It's spelled you. Criminy, and women do nothing but harp on men about spelling and grammar.
Match.com How unfortunate but they we're unwilling to offer a refund for their services as well. I would strongly encourage and suggest trying OKCupid. Got an immediate great response there (also Asian man here) and plus it is much more user friendly and pleasant to use.
The match app is simply not so good. The quick match feature on Okcupid is where I've gotten the best responses...plus it's free!
Keep at it and stay persistent but sometimes it does make sense to change the approach...be more social, outgoing in the real world and try other platforms. Good luck!
I'm starting to think even bars are better too. And by the way, men online have high standards, expectations and misrepresent themselves too.
Please, USA women know they have far more options then men in the dating world, even a brief study of single male / female ratios will prove that. until 45 there are at least 115 single men for 100 single women. So women have 20+ years to get it right. Women in there 50's cannot meet men because they are clueless on selling themselves once there looks fade This is one reason a 50 year man with seduction skills can date 30 year women. For us men it's either learn or remain single...
Please, USA women know they have far more options then men in the dating world, even a brief study of single male / female ratios will prove that. until 45 there are at least 115 single men for 100 single women. So women have 20+ years to get it right. Women in there 50's cannot meet men because they are clueless on selling themselves once there looks fade This is one reason a 50 year man with seduction skills can date 30 year women. For us men it's either learn or remain single...
Some merit to a 50 year old man that can date a 10+ year younger woman. It's not all the time, but an older man's value does stay high if he can remain marketable at 40+. I went to high school and college with women who were just always attracted to men who were 7+ years older than them. Men their age just weren't attractive to them. I also noticed these women tended to act much older than their age as well. At 20 or 21, their friends were out partying and living the "college" life, and they are at home studying for finals and would relax reading a book. The mindsets were different, so they had a tendency to seek out older men that were still fun, but had more of what they wanted to potentially start a family.
Online dating can be difficult. BTW Asian is not a downside. LOL.
Maybe you should try joining some organizations that perform goodwill around the city. If you are looking for something long-term that is a great idea.
I think I posted this before in this very thread, but alot of people seem to have missed it...and yes, I'm predicting the mods will penalize me for even bringing it up, but it's worth a shot.
The OP is unlikely to have much success on Match.com, POF or even OKCupid. The simple reason is that he's an Asian guy, and the women on those sites (women of ALL races, not just Asian), only respond well to white men.
This is from the co-founder of OKCupid himself, Christian Rudder, in his recent book 'Dataclysm'. He analyzed data from all three websites because they're now owned by the same parent company, IAC.
Online dating can be difficult. BTW Asian is not a downside. LOL.
Maybe you should try joining some organizations that perform goodwill around the city. If you are looking for something long-term that is a great idea.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElysianEagle
I think I posted this before in this very thread, but alot of people seem to have missed it...and yes, I'm predicting the mods will penalize me for even bringing it up, but it's worth a shot.
The OP is unlikely to have much success on Match.com, POF or even OKCupid. The simple reason is that he's an Asian guy, and the women on those sites (women of ALL races, not just Asian), only respond well to white men.
This is from the co-founder of OKCupid himself, Christian Rudder, in his recent book 'Dataclysm'. He analyzed data from all three websites because they're now owned by the same parent company, IAC.
Hatgirl, I really appreciate the sentiment. If every girl is like you, then I'd be all set A friend has actually recently suggested that I volunteer at the local food bank as a way to meet good new people, so I think you are onto something there!
With that said, ElysianEagle is spot on. I actually was just preparing a couple of charts from Dataclysm before I opened the thread. Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKC, is a data scientist by training. With a wealth of data from OKC, he has done some amazing analytics on dating. Since it uses actual data from millions of interactions on OKC, it's probably the most accurate study on dating available. I urge anyone with an interest in this area to give it a read.
But I digress. After doing a bunch of experiments over the years (this thread is OLD!), I've decided that online dating is generally disadvantaged towards men, and specifically unsuitable for Asian men. Here is why (all charts come from Dataclysm):
1) Women online have a vastly over-inflated sense of expectation. See this chart:
That is to say, to women on OKC (an by extension other online dating sites), only 1 in 6 guys are above average in looks. To the guys, the ratings are much more what you'd expect, a bell curve.
This leads to the 20/80 rule - 20% of the men online are getting 80% of the female attention, and vice versa. This leads a hyper-competitive landscape, where the women have very short attention spans. It's a culture of "next next next". The grass is always greener on the other side. This is of course still a problem in offline dating, but is exacerbated by online dating.
2) Well, you might say, you sound like you should be in that top 20% of men. Yes, by all accounts I should be. I'm a decent looking guy, a sharp dresser, super fit, intelligent, funny, highly educated, and successful. I have my s**t together in life. Ah, but let's consider one more handicap:
Another way to dig into racial hierarchies is open to us on OkCupid, and it reinforces this “white preference.” Because the users are able to select more than one ethnic identity, we can study racial blends in an almost laboratory -like way. For example, we have men who check “Asian” as their ethnicity. We also have men who check both “Asian” and “white.” Comparing the two groups gives us some sense of what adding “whiteness” gets a person. It turns out: quite a bit. When you add white , ratings go up, across the board.
Rudder, Christian (2014-09-09). Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One's Looking) (Kindle Locations 1285-1291). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
Someone once told me the primary rules of online dating:
1. Be good looking.
2. Don't be bad looking.
I'll add a 3rd:
3. Be white.
And that is the unfortunate (and uncomfotable) truth about online dating as an Asian man. I'm not bitter or angry about it. Life, as such, is never fair. For every obstacle, one must adapt and overcome.
----------
Now, the good news: This preference gap shrinks significantly in face to face interactions. I would cite the study but I can't seem to find it at the moment. I've been primarily meeting people face to face (meetups, parties, friends etc) this year, and have had a lot more success in finding dates. I really think this is the way to go if you are an Asian guy. I've gone out with 10 different girls so far this year, which is really not a lot if you are a dating man in this day and age. 3 were from online (all from Match, zero from OKC), and 7 I met in person. The demographics is 3 hispanic, 7 white. That's roughly inline with Austin's population demographics (68% white, 35% hispanic, 8% black, 6% Asian), which makes sense since I'm not seeking out any specific population group. Unfortunately, none of them stuck. Alas, the search for love continues
I listed the numbers above to show that (given my small sample size), face-to-face dating is the more viable choice than online dating for Asian men who date. I can only hope that in time, the perception that Asian men are not masculine, sexy, and desirable will change. Already, things are starting to shift in the mainstream media. I will close by leaving you with this:
Hatgirl, I really appreciate the sentiment. If every girl is like you, then I'd be all set A friend has actually recently suggested that I volunteer at the local food bank as a way to meet good new people, so I think you are onto something there!
With that said, ElysianEagle is spot on. I actually was just preparing a couple of charts from Dataclysm before I opened the thread. Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKC, is a data scientist by training. With a wealth of data from OKC, he has done some amazing analytics on dating. Since it uses actual data from millions of interactions on OKC, it's probably the most accurate study on dating available. I urge anyone with an interest in this area to give it a read.
But I digress. After doing a bunch of experiments over the years (this thread is OLD!), I've decided that online dating is generally disadvantaged towards men, and specifically unsuitable for Asian men. Here is why (all charts come from Dataclysm):
1) Women online have a vastly over-inflated sense of expectation. See this chart:
That is to say, to women on OKC (an by extension other online dating sites), only 1 in 6 guys are above average in looks. To the guys, the ratings are much more what you'd expect, a bell curve.
This leads to the 20/80 rule - 20% of the men online are getting 80% of the female attention, and vice versa. This leads a hyper-competitive landscape, where the women have very short attention spans. It's a culture of "next next next". The grass is always greener on the other side. This is of course still a problem in offline dating, but is exacerbated by online dating.
2) Well, you might say, you sound like you should be in that top 20% of men. Yes, by all accounts I should be. I'm a decent looking guy, a sharp dresser, super fit, intelligent, funny, highly educated, and successful. I have my s**t together in life. Ah, but let's consider one more handicap:
Another way to dig into racial hierarchies is open to us on OkCupid, and it reinforces this “white preference.” Because the users are able to select more than one ethnic identity, we can study racial blends in an almost laboratory -like way. For example, we have men who check “Asian” as their ethnicity. We also have men who check both “Asian” and “white.” Comparing the two groups gives us some sense of what adding “whiteness” gets a person. It turns out: quite a bit. When you add white , ratings go up, across the board.
Rudder, Christian (2014-09-09). Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One's Looking) (Kindle Locations 1285-1291). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
Someone once told me the primary rules of online dating:
1. Be good looking.
2. Don't be bad looking.
I'll add a 3rd:
3. Be white.
And that is the unfortunate (and uncomfotable) truth about online dating as an Asian man. I'm not bitter or angry about it. Life, as such, is never fair. For every obstacle, one must adapt and overcome.
----------
Now, the good news: This preference gap shrinks significantly in face to face interactions. I would cite the study but I can't seem to find it at the moment. I've been primarily meeting people face to face (meetups, parties, friends etc) this year, and have had a lot more success in finding dates. I really think this is the way to go if you are an Asian guy. I've gone out with 10 different girls so far this year, which is really not a lot if you are a dating man in this day and age. 3 were from online (all from Match, zero from OKC), and 7 I met in person. The demographics is 3 hispanic, 7 white. That's roughly inline with Austin's population demographics (68% white, 35% hispanic, 8% black, 6% Asian), which makes sense since I'm not seeking out any specific population group. Unfortunately, none of them stuck. Alas, the search for love continues
I listed the numbers above to show that (given my small sample size), face-to-face dating is the more viable choice for an Asian men who dates than online dating. I can only hope that in time, the perception that Asian men are not masculine, sexy, and desirable will change. Already, things are starting to shift in the mainstream media. I will close by leaving you with this:
Great summary of Dataclysm's most relevant points (at least to this Relationships forum), and tks for the rep points as well.
I've had much the same experience as yourself - very little success online, but many more dates when meeting women face to face from the get-go. I think OLD is best left to white guys and the women that love them
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This is one reason a 50 year man with seduction skills can date 30 year women. For us men it's either learn or remain single...
