If You Made Mistakes In The Past, I'm Not Interested? (dating, girlfriend)

[mochamajesty]

While perusing the relationship forum, I have come to the conclusion that the posters here want perfect people. It's almost as if posters here would only consider people who have never made a bad decision in their lives.

Is that really the case? If someone is in debt, for example, does that mean that they deserve to be alone for the rest of there lives? It is possible for people to make bad decisions, learn from them and move on. Why do people act as if mistakes are deal breakers when it comes to finding a mate?

[rlrl]

yeah it's like someone reviewing a consumer's credit file for bankruptcies, late payments, judgments, liens, etc

might as well assign someone an "interpersonal FICO score" between 300-850!!!!!! if the person made a bad decision about which career to go into, dock'em 70 points!!!!

[brocco]

theres a big difference between what someone says on the internet when looking at things from an outsider's standpoint and what that person would do when actually in the situation

[JordanJP]

Because certain things would be a pretty hefty burden, like owing a lot of money to debtors, or finding out that special someone was previously a cheater, etc.

Some people really DON'T learn... Drunks complain about hangovers but continue to drink, overweight people complain about being fat but do nothing to change it, cheaters think they've found "the one" but then cheat on them, people get in deep for racking up credit card charges they can't afford but they continue to do it.

[halfabuck]

I think your audience here consists of a lot of people who have had some experience with the good and the bad and are just trying to help you avoid the pitfalls.

[intelfan11315]

I doubt it, some people just don't want certain things and that's when they voice their opinion. I don't think its every single person every single situation.. but when you get a ton of people, there will be sure to be a few of them who won't put up with something in particular.

[cpg35223]

Well, hold on.

There's a difference between a mistake and mind-boggling stupidity. Everybody has had debt at one time or another. But someone who is coming into a relationship with $200,000 in student debt and a degree in sociology isn't just someone who has a huge liability but has demonstrated the inability to make realistic decisions regarding money.

Meanwhile, there's a big difference between someone who had a DUI in college and someone who continues to have legal scrapes in their thirties. Or is the person in question someone who just had a one-time drunken fling with someone who was not his girlfriend, or was this someone who just can't keep it in his pants?

In short, are we talking about someone who has had a slip-up, or a track record for repeatedly stupid or immoral behavior? And does this person's good qualities overcome a propensity to screw up?

[Amelie90]

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

If someone is in debt, for example, does that mean that they deserve to be alone for the rest of there lives?

Of course not! It just means that they deserve someone else who's in debt as opposed to someone with excellent credit, like myself.

Some past mistakes are dealbreakers, but I don't think most of us expect "perfect" people.

[findly185]

Said person with debt should be willing to date a person with debt as well. Just as someone who is a overweight should come to terms with dating someone in the same realm. Same goes for liars, cheaters, and the like. Two wrongs don't necessarily make a right but there should be an expectation that someone with no debt may not want to take on that burden. Same as a non-cheater is not going to want to date someone who has infidelity issues.

[FrmlyBklyn]

Making a single mistake is one thing. A series of mistakes is a sign of bad things to come. Avoiding perpetual offenders is a way to weed out the bad apples.