Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
IMO, you shouldn't have moved in with this man. The decision is in your hands, not his. He wants to marry you but not now. What do you want? Are you willing to wait. You have your children to think about and they need a stable environment. Remember this guy has never been married before and he's probably nervous about taking on the role of husband and father. It's a huge responsibility. Start thinking about the kind of example you want to set for your kids. Move out and get your own place. I'm not saying break up, but that will show him that you're serious about taking the next step. You don't just want to shack up. You want a commitment and a family. All the best. If if doesn't work out, I hope you learn from this.
How did she make a stupid choice? She mentions the guy is a good guy. What if he agreed to marriage, but is a fat, hairy and scary bum, who sits on the couch watching football day in and day out
No one is negating the fact that he's a nice guy. I think what Antlered meant is, as parents we have to put the welfare of our children first. It wasn't the smartest to move in with him (with her kids). If this doesn't work out, is she going to move in with the next guy she falls in love with. Children need stability. (It's like bringing home every guy you date to meet your kids...not good).
I am wondering, if at the time they moved in together, she had a conversation about their future then. Has this guy made her believe he was leaning towards a potential marriage, and now after 8 months is questioning that? Maybe things are not as great for him as she thinks they are, and he is questioning their relationship.
Or, was this topic not really discussed in depth when they moved in, and now that it is coming up, he is unsure of where he stands (or he IS sure, and doesn't want to hurt her).
I wonder because of my own experience. My fiancee was a single mom when we started dating. I knew from the first date she was a single mom, and that her goal was to find a man who, if things worked, would be interested in marriage. She wasn't dating casually, but to find a true life partner.
How did she make a stupid choice? She mentions the guy is a good guy. What if he agreed to marriage, but is a fat, hairy and scary bum, who sits on the couch watching football day in and day out
I'm not here to bash her decision, but it could be argued that her choice to move in with guy while she has children is a stupid move. Looking ahead, in my opinion OP, your boyfriend knows after 3 years if he wants to marry you. He knew what he was taking on when you two got together.
I'm not here to bash her decision, but it could be argued that her choice to move in with guy while she has children is a stupid move. Looking ahead, in my opinion OP, your boyfriend knows after 3 years if he wants to marry you. He knew what he was taking on when you two got together.
+1. I'm not against living together before marriage. Couples should to see if they're compatible. But the bottom line is she has kids. She can't be moving in with guys in this situation. Kids need stability and if you moved in with this guy, are you going to move in with the next one?
After 3 years, he does know if he wants to marry you or not. And unfortunately for you OP, he does not. It's different when there's no kids involved. In this case, moving in with him was a mistake.
But one day, Pat up and left Eve because he met someone new. Six months later he was married to someone else. Turns out, he wanted to be married, just not to her. She never had a chance to have kids. She never had a chance to build a life together. She was extremely bitter about the experience and I really don't blame her.
But it was her own damned fault. That's an extreme case, but I've known lots of couples who followed a similar route.
Exactly. He's had more than enough damn time to figure that out! I'm not a big fan of shacking up to begin with, but I'd never do it if there were children involved.
You need to stop and think about what your boy friend is facing. Marrying a woman that has been through a divorce and has two kids, still at home. That may be asking a lot of a guy, even if you have been shacked up for three years. I'm sure this whole thing isn't causing him all the 'thinking' it is causing you, and it isn't just because he doesn't care, it's because he is a man and we don't think like women. Give him some time, don't pressure him. There are men out there who would not want to support a woman with two kids that weren't his. You have found one who will, don't do something to chase him away. I'm sure that most of the women on this forum won't agree with me, but most of them aren't being asked to support a wife and two kids, either.
I agree with this. It should be noted that
1. She makes more money than him. She probabably doesn't need his support. Not all single moms need help. I know I don't.
2. Getting married does not make him obligated to support her kids unless he chooses to adopt them.
Lots of people are against marriage as was he when they first started dating. It's not very wise to move in with and fall in love with someone like this if you want to be married.
She doesn't. That's why ideally he'd move in after being engaged at least, so that she doesn't need to "propose" to him after 3 years.
I don't care.
You kemosabes pulled the same bhajana in fedup123's thread. You know what the problem is with you, Champions, you invest too much emphasis on "spent" matters.
Why did you move in?
Why did you stay with a man for thirty years?
Why did you move into this situation with kids?
Responsible mama-hood baloney.
Blah blah blah, as though the very fact that you ask it makes the person undo the damage.
When in fact, you are doing nothing to defuse the situation and offer little to no comforting forward insight. That's why I don't take you seriously. You're like those fat maths head mistresses - "Stand up on the bench and tell me why you didn't do homework" . And the whole time, I get told I am not often taken seriously
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. And the whole time, I get told I am not often taken seriously 
