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It isn't. You can get a feel, but you don't know. And there are two different things. One is whether the person is sensual and good in bed. Two is whether the two of you have sexual chemistry. They are different.
Ok that makes sense to differentiate the two. Sure I can know whether I'm attracted to a person without having sex with them but I won't be sure we're sexually compatible.
Also I'd like to address the "30 guys" thing.. Do you think you're really going to get to that point, compatibility on all the other levels, values, goals, spiritualism.. With 30 guys,? surely not. It'll probably be a handful. Which is a handful too many in your opinion, but 30 is exaggerating to try to shame people and make the other side of the arguement sound extreme.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by IfICould
Ok that makes sense to differentiate the two. Sure I can know whether I'm attracted to a person without having sex with them but I won't be sure we're sexually compatible.
Also I'd like to address the "30 guys" thing.. Do you think you're really going to get to that point, compatibility on all the other levels, values, goals, spiritualism.. With 30 guys,? surely not. It'll probably be a handful. Which is a handful too many in your opinion, but 30 is exaggerating to try to shame people and make the other side of the arguement sound extreme.
It could be one person, could be five, could be thirty, fifty or a hundred. When it happens, it happens.
In my own experience, having sex too soon, that is before Ive gotten to know if they are a good and viable match for me, has always led me to staying in bad relationships too long. The oxytocin bonding hormone kicks in and it clouds my judgement. I have stayed in deadend relationships for months and years trying to make it work, because I was strongly bonded to the wrong men.. What a very ineffective way to find my Mr. Right.
Postponing sex helped me make better choices in the men I entered into relationships with. Eventually I decided that I didnt want to bother having sex with any man unless he was going to be my husband. Otherwise, why waste my time and risk my heart?
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 01-21-2015 at 02:43 AM..
Reason: additional thought
It's a little silly to wait until you're already married for sex. However, you absolutely should have put forth plenty of effort into the relationship before you even consider having sex. It shouldn't come about quickly or you risk looking like a five letter word that I can't post.
If you're smart about it, the number of sexual partners you've had really means nothing.
I have to confess, I don't really understand how you can be sexually incompatible with someone you deeply love and are committed to.
It's so naive to believe that just because you both like to go at it like rabbits during the first year (or two) that it is indicative of how it will be in later years. Sexual desire waxes and wanes throughout a persons life. Stress, health issues, pregnacy, children, etc.
It's commonly mentioned that many wives lose their libido for mysterious reasons. Did all these couples wait until marriage to have sex and then were disappointed that they didnt test drive their wives first? I dont think so! These are the same women who were "test driven" and passed their performance test.
It's a little silly to wait until you're already married for sex. However, you absolutely should have put forth plenty of effort into the relationship before you even consider having sex. It shouldn't come about quickly or you risk looking like a five letter word that I can't post.
If you're smart about it, the number of sexual partners you've had really means nothing.
We waited until engagement. Like I mentioned upthread, I didn't want to waste time in an intimate relationship with any man I didnt want for a husband. I really wanted to wait until marriage, just because I thought it would make for a very exciting and romantic wedding night. But my plan went left one evening after a good bottle of wine. LOL!
Per the TOS of most online entities no one posting here should be under the age of 18. Now lets assume that the average age of sexual maturity, physical sexual maturity, is 14. It's actually lower, but we'll use 14 so as to cause fewer cardiac arrests. See where I am going? I mean... engagement? How many 18 year olds are ready for engagement and/or marriage. So we are now talking about at least age 21... ... technical virgins at age 21... by choice! I was a virgin at 21 but not by choice. I've worked with women who were virgins well into their 30's and all were still hoping.
Maybe it was upthread, maybe it was another thread, but recently a post came across with the message that maybe it was time to bring back marriage for what it was: a socio-economic construct, not a romantic one! Within any particular demographic there will be millions of eligible marriage partners, within a particular city, hundreds of thousands, within a particular community, tens of thousands... that would be partners that share the same socio-economic goals and would make satisfactory marriage partners... except for one thing... you probably wouldn't like most of them very much. Love them?? I mean... I certainly have achieved what for me is the pinnacle of physical, emotional and economic compatibility in a partner. Some days however... ... All this OLD trolling, the speed dating, the blind dates, the courtships... totally uneccessary if the goal is marriage! Or a family! The last generation knew that. My parents marriage was more or less arranged. I was born 9 months later. My parents are proof of the truth of my assertion that you do not need love, physical or emotional compatibility, chemisty or any of the other intangibles that are sough after by romantics looking for "The One" to have a successful marriage. I'll leave it there.
Love, attraction... chemistry... whatever you want to call it is such an ephemeral and capricious concept that to base something as concrete and legally accountable as marriage on it is... unwise. Proof? Google: Divorce rate America. When you "date" you are not looking for someone compatible with whom you can spend the rest of your life with. You are just wasting time. Killing time. You may as well have fun. There is no difference in overall outcomes of those who have long courtships that are chaste and those who have long courtships that are not chaste. You may as well have fun.
Per the TOS of most online entities no one posting here should be under the age of 18. Now lets assume that the average age of sexual maturity, physical sexual maturity, is 14. It's actually lower, but we'll use 14 so as to cause fewer cardiac arrests. See where I am going? I mean... engagement? How many 18 year olds are ready for engagement and/or marriage. So we are now talking about at least age 21... ... technical virgins at age 21... by choice! I was a virgin at 21 but not by choice. I've worked with women who were virgins well into their 30's and all were still hoping.
Maybe it was upthread, maybe it was another thread, but recently a post came across with the message that maybe it was time to bring back marriage for what it was: a socio-economic construct, not a romantic one! Within any particular demographic there will be millions of eligible marriage partners, within a particular city, hundreds of thousands, within a particular community, tens of thousands... that would be partners that share the same socio-economic goals and would make satisfactory marriage partners... except for one thing... you probably wouldn't like most of them very much. Love them?? I mean... I certainly have achieved what for me is the pinnacle of physical, emotional and economic compatibility in a partner. Some days however... ... All this OLD trolling, the speed dating, the blind dates, the courtships... totally uneccessary if the goal is marriage! Or a family! The last generation knew that. My parents marriage was more or less arranged. I was born 9 months later. My parents are proof of the truth of my assertion that you do not need love, physical or emotional compatibility, chemisty or any of the other intangibles that are sough after by romantics looking for "The One" to have a successful marriage. I'll leave it there.
Love, attraction... chemistry... whatever you want to call it is such an ephemeral and capricious concept that to base something as concrete and legally accountable as marriage on it is... unwise. Proof? Google: Divorce rate America. When you "date" you are not looking for someone compatible with whom you can spend the rest of your life with. You are just wasting time. Killing time. You may as well have fun. There is no difference in overall outcomes of those who have long courtships that are chaste and those who have long courtships that are not chaste. You may as well have fun.
H
Speak for yourself! I wouldn't settle for anything less than having it all when it comes to marriage. I would be miserable in a lifelong marriage with out love, attraction, and chemistry and life is too short to be miserable!
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