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Old 01-19-2012, 01:25 AM
 
6 posts, read 83,427 times
Reputation: 10

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im a stay at home wife my husband has given me and continues to give me gifts worth $1 to $2000 and i dont have money to buy him gifts. i know what he earns is ours.but i feel like i shouldn't buy gifts for him using the money he earns. i feel guilty receiving gifts from him because i cant give back.

is it ok to receive gifts from him? (sure those makes me happy too and he says he does not expect anything back and just wants to make me happy)

what gifts i can give him without money? (except sex because we do it often anyway)
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Old 01-19-2012, 02:07 AM
 
Location: Ohio
3,441 posts, read 5,406,126 times
Reputation: 2678
I am not technically married but might as well be so I will comment, I buy anything the woman needs and whatever she wants as long as we can afford it(notice I said WE).

What does the wife not working have to do with the husband buying her gifts?
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Old 01-19-2012, 05:08 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 22,582,232 times
Reputation: 19991
Of course a married man buys his non working wife a gift. Gifts should not be proportional to how much money you bring to the table.

I don't work because of ill health and Hubby always buys me gifts, for no reason whatsoever. Not hugely extravagant ones because we are on a middling income but always lovely thoughtful ones , from tiny little gifts that cost virtually nothing to jewellery and other feminine treats. Second hand books I love etc...

Also I would say if you are married it is BOTH the wife and the husband's money. A wife who considers the money to only be her husband's alone then in my opinion the relationship is not one of equals and that might become a problem at some point.

I have a little money of my own from a family trust and my own bank account ( he insisted ) and I buy him gifts from that but to be honest if I didn't I would still be getting him gifts from the joint account ( I assume there is a joint account as the OP is married ??? If not there is definitely something wrong, a woman should not have to beg for money from her husband - I never got the "allowance" principle).

And you don't have to spend money to give gifts to people. Small gifts are nice, home made gifts even nicer and it is the thought that counts. Make him his favourite dinner , take him out for a posh picnic , organise something romantic and sexy for you both.

Nobody shoudl feel guilty for receiving gifts from the man they love and who hopefully loves them. I would only feel guilty ( and annoyed) if the gifts were extravagant and beyond our means.
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Old 01-19-2012, 05:40 AM
 
39 posts, read 101,249 times
Reputation: 75
As a SAHW you need to have access to money. If you have a joint account and he is the one that manages the account, you can use it to buy him gifts and just ask him not to look at the transaction history until after he receives the gift. It shouldn't be the amount spent that matters, so much as the thought and effort that goes into the gift. So if he figures out what it costs it shouldn't really matter.

If you do not have a joint account then you should at least get a certain amount monthly for "fun" money. If he can afford $2000 gifts then you should have enough for a reasonable amount of fun money. You can buy him gifts from your fun money and feel more involved because you "saved" the money by giving up fun.

You could also do free gifts like baking special items or giving him coupons for services like hemming pants, sewing things, ect but most likely you are routinely doing those things for him anyway.

If he won't give you access to a joint account or a "fun" money account that belongs to you, I would recommend getting a full time or part time job. I believe that everyone should have access to money for safety and emergencies if nothing else.
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Old 01-19-2012, 05:44 AM
 
Location: NC
6,032 posts, read 7,962,822 times
Reputation: 6365
You don't need to buy him anything.... cook his favorite meal, light some candles, and maybe make his favorite dessert for after dinner. A guy will appreciate that ALOT!! Maybe slink into a sexy outfit after dinner! lol
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Old 01-19-2012, 05:46 AM
 
85 posts, read 97,271 times
Reputation: 166
Yes, he does buy me gifts...and I buy him gifts as well. We have a joint account. I also buy gifts for the kids as well. We have a separate account for household stuff that is "my" account (he is also on it, of course). He doesn't use that one as much so if I want to buy a gift for him, I'll use that account to keep it more of a surprise.
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Old 01-19-2012, 05:49 AM
 
15,725 posts, read 18,899,457 times
Reputation: 12793
I don't have regular income right now but I still buy things for my husband. We have a different mindset though, because it's not HIS money, it's our money so I don't feel that it's awkward to purchase something for him as a gift using our debit account.
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Old 01-19-2012, 09:36 AM
 
2,495 posts, read 3,837,747 times
Reputation: 4868
Quote:
Originally Posted by ravina View Post
im a stay at home wife my husband has given me and continues to give me gifts worth $1 to $2000 and i dont have money to buy him gifts. i know what he earns is ours.but i feel like i shouldn't buy gifts for him using the money he earns. i feel guilty receiving gifts from him because i cant give back.

is it ok to receive gifts from him? (sure those makes me happy too and he says he does not expect anything back and just wants to make me happy)

what gifts i can give him without money? (except sex because we do it often anyway)
This is cute...I'm sure he wouldn't mind one bit if you spent money on a gift for him. When my wife was still completing her studies..i knew she had a similar mindset so i opened a private account strictly for her and deposited a portion of my salary into it. Perhaps you could suggest that to him and see if he's open to that idea.
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Old 01-19-2012, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,188 posts, read 21,991,101 times
Reputation: 22180
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus View Post
I don't have regular income right now but I still buy things for my husband. We have a different mindset though, because it's not HIS money, it's our money so I don't feel that it's awkward to purchase something for him as a gift using our debit account.
Same here. Money has never been an issue for us. Of course - I'm also the one that manages all of our finances so my husband has no idea how much I spend on him until after he's received his gifts. I will say that it took me a couple of years to feel this way.
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Old 01-19-2012, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,020 posts, read 26,501,691 times
Reputation: 11309
Girl brought kosher food for me on two dates. They tasted like crap, but probably the greatest gifts I ever received from a woman. My antlers melted I gave her a 50$ gift card once, that's it.

Otherwise, I'm not gonna say how much money I spend coz other people always take offence to how I spend "my" money
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