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Old 01-26-2012, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,663 posts, read 8,649,754 times
Reputation: 3750

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I have friended and been friended by exes, if it was not a bad break up I don't see the problem. I am married and my husband knows that a boyfriend from my past has friended me, he is married also. We were just catching with each others lives and seeing how things have been going.
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Old 01-26-2012, 11:13 AM
 
220 posts, read 594,389 times
Reputation: 337
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1ceing0ntheCake View Post
What's up with old flings/flames trying to friend on FB. I'm long married with kids and people from as long ago as 15-years-old are trying to contact me or my spouse. We've had exes messaging family, calling/texting cells, FB is the worst.

Is this normal? We don't think it's good to keep contact with past lovers. I wouldn't dream of trying to friend a HS BF. is it just us? I think it's like the golden rule. I'd hate it if my DH was talking to an ex. Hate it.
This is why I don't have a Facebook page...and when I did, I only used half of my first and last name, so anyone searching for my whole name would not "find" me. I did this, and I'm not even married.

And to answer your question, Yes, it is normal for random people from your past to come out of the wood work and friend you on FB. If you and your DH don't like this, then don't have a FB page. If you can deal with it, just hit "ignore" and move on.
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Old 01-26-2012, 12:05 PM
 
6,129 posts, read 6,791,829 times
Reputation: 10821
Quote:
Originally Posted by j_jimerino View Post
People who think most of these friend requests don't have ulterior motives of easy sex are deluding themselves!
Eh. I mean even if it is most, that's not the same as all.

I barely interact with the handful of exes I'm in contact with on Facebook. Once we caught up on each other's lives we stopped sending messages. We only post on each other's walls on our birthdays now. I don't think they're trying too hard to get any. LOL
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Old 01-26-2012, 08:18 PM
 
37,494 posts, read 45,798,776 times
Reputation: 56996
Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
This is why I don't have a Facebook page...and when I did, I only used half of my first and last name, so anyone searching for my whole name would not "find" me. I did this, and I'm not even married.

And to answer your question, Yes, it is normal for random people from your past to come out of the wood work and friend you on FB. If you and your DH don't like this, then don't have a FB page. If you can deal with it, just hit "ignore" and move on.
You can do better than that. No one can find me on FB as my privacy settings prevent it. Works great.
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Old 01-26-2012, 08:51 PM
 
220 posts, read 594,389 times
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@ ChessieMom - Someone told me that there was a way to do that, but instead of trying to figure it out, I just deleted the dang thing, lol.
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Old 01-27-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: U.S.A.
19,638 posts, read 20,130,445 times
Reputation: 28747
Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
@ ChessieMom - Someone told me that there was a way to do that, but instead of trying to figure it out, I just deleted the dang thing, lol.
All you had to do was click on Privacy Settings, lol.
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Old 01-27-2012, 11:54 AM
 
Location: US
5,139 posts, read 12,690,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D217 View Post
All you had to do was click on Privacy Settings, lol.
Doesnt always work though.


Just FYI

facebook is way too buggy with how liberal people are with posts, pics, sharing pics of kids....


You know you could always just go make a pro-boards for your friends and keep in contact that way. Not that people couldn't get in if they really wanted to.
But its not quite as impulse search friendly as facebook.

But you can also ban people from ever being on it and have to approve anyone who wants to get on it. That is..if they even find it.
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Old 01-27-2012, 04:01 PM
 
37,494 posts, read 45,798,776 times
Reputation: 56996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia View Post
Doesnt always work though.

Yeah, it does. I've had people ask me how I spelled my name, because they couldn't find me in a search. The privacy settings are excellent. You simply have to use them.
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Old 02-25-2012, 04:44 PM
 
64 posts, read 111,161 times
Reputation: 166
Regarding exes on Facebook, there is a great article here that touches on a couple of reasons why it's best to avoid contacting exes. These items are somewhat supported by research on the topic:

* Maintaining an investment in an old partner can make it more difficult to commit to a new partner.

* Staying friends with an ex who still wants to get back together can make it more difficult for the ex to move on, and may be tempting for you.

* Partner's interaction with past sex/love partners is a trigger for jealousy.

* People report that looking at photos of exes can trigger feelings of anger and despair -- and brain scans of these same people showed that the pictures triggered areas that are associated with craving and addiction. (laboratory rats given the choice of pressing a lever to stimulate these brain areas chose to do so rather than eat, sleep,or drink, and soon died. This is serious, well-known brain chemistry (http://www.damninteresting.com/technology-and-the-pursuit-of-happiness/ - broken link)).

It seems that there are a number of reasons that keeping contact with an ex can be a problem for some people, and may be a problem waiting to happen for others.

Keeping contact with an ex, even passively, as Facebook friends, will expose you, and your ex, to profile pictures, photos, and textual content from one another. It's a bit more in-your-face than keeping a picture of your ex in a scrapbook. Depending on how often you or your ex post on or visit facebook, you may see images of one another pass by multiple times daily, without lifting a finger. A Facebook post puts both of you one-click away from more direct contact. Facebook security can be set up to prevent an ex from seeing certain posts, but that requires understanding of the way things work, and determining with each post if you want your ex to see it.

Anyone who knows the way Facebook friends and walls interact will know this is happening. A current partner will know this, as will friends, families, and your ex.

Someone who is concerned about this may question whether a partner who keeps an ex on their Facebook friends list really has moved on.

You and your exe's brain chemicals could be firing multiple times a day with each passing image. Depending on how obsessive a person is (a topic of another article on the same web site) the image may be the first and last thing a person sees every day.

Removing an ex does NOT prevent one from looking at old photos in a scrap book, making a phone call, googling them, sending them an email, or even hooking up. It's just that all of these other acts require a thought to spring from your head before you follow through with them. You will be acting rather than reacting.
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Old 02-25-2012, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,664 posts, read 30,558,971 times
Reputation: 5178
The only thing a picture of my ex brings up is lunch.
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