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Ideally, there are three accounts: Yours, his, and a joint. I'm going to be in the minority here and say that I understand separate accounts. Sorry, I do think each person should have a certain amount of money to himself or herself. There are far too many horror stories out there of couples breaking up and one person cleaning out the joint account entirely.
I never had a joint account with my ex, however. He was a student working odd jobs part-time, so what he could afford to pay toward the bills was so small that it wasn't worth the hassle of a joint account. I just figured out the bills and asked him for a check for his portion each month.
And therein lies the rub. Contributions should be according to ability. If there is a great disparity in income, you need to talk to him about that.
Also, who is doing most of the housework? If it's you, the best way to drive your point home is to get a second, part-time job. When you're not around and he has to fend for himself, maybe he'll get the point.
I can agree that each partner should have their own source of discretionary money, so a small individual acct for each person is fine with me. But that amount should be equal and jointly decided upon, not based upon who in the relationship earns more cash.
I think it's wise for a couple to have one account and pool their resources for their actual living expenses, retirement accts, savings, etc.
Once you are married, you are supposed to function as a team.
It's not "his" money or "her" money - it's "our" money.
I can agree that each partner should have their own source of discretionary money, so a small individual acct for each person is fine with me. But that amount should be equal and jointly decided upon, not based upon who in the relationship earns more cash.
I think it's wise for a couple to have one account and pool their resources for their actual living expenses, retirement accts, savings, etc.
Once you are married, you are supposed to function as a team.
It's not "his" money or "her" money - it's "our" money.
Learned that my my parents.
They always said "It's our money." Which I plan to maybe one day say to a future wife.
He just does not like you that much. Divorce is the best solution for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beth1929
Im Beth. I have been married for nearly 2 years.
We have shared which bills we each will pay and he does not want to have a joint account.
After expenses savings and investments $300 is left in my account every month and $1600 is left in his a/c. I use that $300 to buy cloths, shampoo, the pill, lunch when I didn’t take it from home, shoes, bags etc (not designer stuff and not every month) and the rest is spent for my car maintenance.
He uses his balance to buy things for himself. He buys expensive designer shirts. Latest gadgets (iphone, ipad, xbox , laptops etc)
My laptop is so old. My phone is old. I ve been talking about buying a laptop for a few months. He does not offer to buy.
His gifts on special days are always around $40-$50.not that I expect expensive things or I keep records but a man sometimes buys his wife something like jewelry too correct?
Do you think it’s fair that he spends everything-I know it’s what he earned - for himself or do you think he should offer to buy me things because he has loads of fun money? (If I had that much money, I would definitely buy things for him too)
If you had more spending money, would you offer to buy things for your spouse or would you keep spending all money on yourself?
I never understood the seperate accounts thing but it seems to be very common these days. When my wife and I were married, we opened a joint account and all our money went into that account.. i made considerable more... now, some 15 years later, we still have a joint account only now she makes considerable more. Good thing I didn't opt for the seperate account years ago!
If you need something or even want something that you can't afford then your simply gonna have to ask. Don't assume he should be simply buying you things out of the blue. Tell him...
told him, added it to my amazon wish list, emailed him the link. thats all i can do. cant beg
told him, added it to my amazon wish list, emailed him the link. thats all i can do. cant beg
Girl, where is your self respect???
Don't go begging, but also don't go around accepting whatever scraps he wants to throw your way.
You are his wife. His partner. Supposedly his beloved.
If he cannot treat you better than this, you may want to rethink keeping him as your husband.
If he can't see how selfish his attitude is, maybe a marriage counselor could help him to see how destructive he's being. Make an appt ASAP.
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cant beg
