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If your husband was chatting intimately with another woman and sending her sex filled poems would you be upset?
If your husband spent most of his time with his family to the point of excluding you, would you be upset?
Maybe I'm not comprehending his posts because so far, from what I have read, he is justified in how he feels. Sure he could go about it in a better way but at least he's willing to try.
I don't know, his post about the christmas gifts kind of won me over to his cause.
I would find out why it is going on at first. I'm not saying she is blameless in all this, because chances are they both play part in it. However this guy thinks its fine to use emotional manipulation and not admit he has problems, putting it all on his wife. I mean the guy has an issue with whoever she comes in contact with in life, so what does that tell you?
I think this is the reason that your marriage is doomed. A woman does not typically latch on to another man to that extent when she is truly in love with her partner. She also would not let another man be as disrespectful to her partner as this guy is.
Add to that her inclination to spend a lot of time with family and leave you behind... It would seem that she just doesn't care much anymore. And maybe she has a right to not care, but she should at least be honest about it.
I've been there. I've done that. I walked away.
Ultimatums are ugly, but you should not be put in a position to have to give one like this.
I suppose we'll see.
I'm determined to make this year be either the year we get fixed or the year we fall apart. We're only getting older and this is the first real relationship for either of us.
She claims she wants to be together and chooses me over him (her words), but who knows what will happen in a month.
She's been coming up to me and hugging me randomly, saying she loves me, kissing out of the blue, lots of cuddling etc, so we'll see!
In the sense that Im annoyed with not getting date nights and her willingness to spend days off with family rather than husband.
Toss in a guy friend who sends her sex poems, have it go on for 3 years, and that's why I say near divorce.
Her and i get along fine. We make eachother laugh, our personalities click, and have fun when we do stuff together.
Last night when she didn't get on the laptop we cuddled and watched a movie - that was nice.
We love eachother, but if chatting with him on aim takes priority over stuff with me, then that's a problem...and I'd rather not be in this position next year as well.
I feel like I'm finally standing up and saying I'm important in this relationship, and I'm being accused of being controlling and abusive for it.
You're glossing over 9 years of me putting up with stuff from the family, my wife not sticking up for me (while admitting their behavior was rude) and me just dealing with it.
And 3 years with this guy. Yes its gotten better the past 8 months or so, but when someone tells you flat out they respect your marriage and aren't a homewrecker...yet you discover he's "joking" about having your wife come to his apartment and putting her in some MMA moves with his crotch in her face "she would love" or talking about her boobs and how he wanted to "slap them" when he saw her...or at a party your wife invites him to your bedroom to look at photos, a friend yells "they're going to have sex!" and he starts humping the air, struts to the bedroom and turns around, winks and closes the door.
I've dealt with that for 3 years...and I'm controlling?
I tell her she can continue being his friend (with boundaries), they do fine for 8 months and i think that stuff is over with, but then I notice a poem he wrote her just last week, and its about sex.
So I tell her I love her but I'm not going to put up with it anymore, or with slights from her family and her not standing up, or not having date nights anymore and she giving all her free time to her family - and I'm controlling and abusive?
Im not abusive or controlling - I'm fed up. I want to feel like I'm important and that she wants to spend time with me. If she needs to put internet guy and mom and dad ahead of me all the time, then - why be married?
Anyway, she said she loves me and doesn't want me to leave. As I said before we cuddled and had a good lastnight, while internet guy waited online. Today was good too, aside from almost dying in ice as I drove to get her medicine. So far so good.
Edit -
And thinking about it, internet guy's never gone out in the middle of the night to get meds for her, comforted her while she's crying, or waited nearly 2 hours in a frozen parking lot for her to get out of work (just because you want to pick her up/drop her off).
I have.
Yet he's getting credit for "being there" for her?
See this is what im talking about...you keep blaming EVERYONE else for issues in your marriage. I mean dude...come on...you made a post saying you were gonna hold out on sex to get your wife to bend to your will and you don't think you play any part in the problems?
I would find out why it is going on at first. I'm not saying she is blameless in all this, because chances are they both play part in it. However this guy thinks its fine to use emotional manipulation and not admit he has problems, putting it all on his wife. I mean the guy has an issue with whoever she comes in contact with in life, so what does that tell you?
That I don't like guys sending sex poems to her or her family leaving to go shopping while I'm outside letting the dogs pee, not telling me or inviting me?
It's very awkward having a conversation with them one minute, saying "hey, I'm going to let the dogs pee, I'll be back!" and coming in five minutes later to an empty house.
When your wife admits it was rude of them to leave without telling/inviting you, and waiting until you were outside to do it, but refuses to tell her family anything - yeah, I have a problem with that.
I've been quiet and "dealt with it" long enough. I realize it's just going to continue unless we do something to address it - because she's not.
See this is what im talking about...you keep blaming EVERYONE else for issues in your marriage. I mean dude...come on...you made a post saying you were gonna hold out on sex to get your wife to bend to your will and you don't think you play any part in the problems?
Hold out on sex? What?
That "holding my sperm" post was about using condoms,,,
We even had sex around that posting time and I stopped and got a condom to her dismay.
That I don't like guys sending sex poems to her or her family leaving to go shopping while I'm outside letting the dogs pee, not telling me or inviting me?
It's very awkward having a conversation with them one minute, saying "hey, I'm going to let the dogs pee, I'll be back!" and coming in five minutes later to an empty house.
When your wife admits it was rude of them to leave without telling/inviting you, and waiting until you were outside to do it, but refuses to tell her family anything - yeah, I have a problem with that.
I've been quiet and "dealt with it" long enough. I realize it's just going to continue unless we do something to address it - because she's not.
Well guy as long as you keep deluding yourself and having this "woe is me attitude" then you will never recover.
I'm determined to make this year be either the year we get fixed or the year we fall apart. We're only getting older and this is the first real relationship for either of us.
She claims she wants to be together and chooses me over him (her words), but who knows what will happen in a month.
She's been coming up to me and hugging me randomly, saying she loves me, kissing out of the blue, lots of cuddling etc, so we'll see!
She hasn't even signed on AIM since our talk.
I think what you are failing to understand is that it should not be a choice.
If she had to choose, that means he was in the running. Bad sign.
They are both at fault here. It appears it is viscous circle. (emphasis on correct spelling for the toxic haters club)
Is this a joke? I don't get it. Viscosity of what?
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