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Ok..I think the main question you have to ask yourself OP, is this...if she had the chance, would she sleep with him?
As a woman, and what I've read here...I would say yes.
You are prolonging the inevitable, if it's not him, eventually, it will be somebody.
She stopped turning to you for comfort and other men give her that.
Heres the thing....we don't know WHAT this guy is doing, because we are just hearing one side of the story. And depending on your friendship with someone you can be quite open/jokey/and talky about sexuality. Not every couple shuts down and only discusses sex with their mate.
Sex talk and sharing marital issues behind a partners back with an outsider isn't considered okay in our marriage.
We've had that discussion before and it led to previous arguments..
Sex talk and sharing marital issues behind a partners back with an outsider isn't considered okay in our marriage.
We've had that discussion before and it led to previous arguments..
No obviously YOU have a problem with it, and not her. Maybe you 2 should get divorced. Because you seem to have the same issue going all the way back to last may. It's obviously not getting better, and really you seem to have no desire to work on things yourself, and just would rather blame her for everything. I mean no matter what goes on YOU always justify why it's okay for YOU to act the way YOU do. And you wonder why your wife finds you a narcissist? So really, just cut your ties and be happy you don't have kids.
Sex talk and sharing marital issues behind a partners back with an outsider isn't considered okay in our marriage.
We've had that discussion before and it led to previous arguments..
If sharing marital issues behind a partners back isn't considered okay in your marriage than why are you doing it in a public forum? Just show the thread to your wife and let her share her side of things. I think we would get a better feel if you are as clueless as you seem.
Why so much hostility for trying to save a marriage?
And this forum is different than one specific person, telling them all the details, night after night. Much less someone who has the hots for you... Right?
You are all strangers and I'll never get attached or emotionally invested in any of the relationships on here.
If sharing marital issues behind a partners back isn't considered okay in your marriage than why are you doing it in a public forum? Just show the thread to your wife and let her share her side of things. I think we would get a better feel if you are as clueless as you seem.
Game,Set,Match! Because he lacks the belief anything he does as wrong, so he justifies it as okay as long as he does it.
Why so much hostility for trying to save a marriage?
And this forum is different than one specific person, telling them all the details, night after night. Much less someone who has the hots for you... Right?
You are all strangers and I'll never get attached or emotionally invested in any of the relationships on here.
That's the difference..
There is none, but if after nearly a year you are still having the same problems, then it's time to look into professional help or throw in the towel. Your wife is never gonna dump this guy as a friend, so stop trying to force the issue. She is also not going to limit her time with her family, so stop trying to force the issue. Either you stop trying to browbeat her into your way of thinking, or just divorce her and move on.
Well last night we had a pretty big argument and I mentioned her relationship with the friend.
Last Sunday we agreed to work on our marriage and to have a full month were it's just us - no going to the dads, no having sisters over, etc, to start building those barriers and to isolate our marriage from them and work on us. This Sunday (a week later), she informs me she's going out to eat with the sister while I'm not home. I got upset, said its been only a week and she was already breaking our agreement, and wtf etc.
She got mad and said she didn't think it would be an issue since I wouldn't be home, I said that's not the point, etc etc etc.
I also brought up the friend. I said it's been 3 years and I've tolerated them talking nightly for so long, had it thrown in my face repeatedly, and I'm getting sick of it. That she's a married woman, he's a single guy, and she's letting him interfere with her marriage. And that I'm done with it, and if she has trouble deciding which relationship is harder to end, then I'm taking it as a sign that I need to move on with my life.
She said there was no trouble, that she wanted me, but that he was like a counselor to her and that I was not.
I said BS he's not trained, neither am I, he's just a single guy who has a crush on her and is interfering in our marriage and she's letting him, if she wants a counselor go see a professional.
She said I'm arrogant and a narcissist and hard to talk to regarding her problems, I again reminded her I'm not a counselor and there are certain issues I can't help her with, and the fact I can't sit down and do an hour long session like the other guy apparently can, doesn't mean I'm ignoring her. I suggested she find some female friends to vent to, or get into counseling.
I told her I wanted to feel like she was choosing to spend time with me over her family or this guy for once, instead of dumping me to do stuff with them.
So that's where we are.
I feel a bit bad telling her to cut her ties with him, she doesn't really have many friends (neither does he) and I don't feel there's a threat of her leaving me for him and they'll likely never see another again as it is (he's 1,400 miles away). I don't even think she's attracted to him, I think she's just flattered, they've known one another for a number of years, and they make each other laugh etc.
But then - he did send her the poem. My brains telling me all that's going on is she's leading him on, he's 3 years into pining for her, and it's time either they end it between them or between me.
Call me a fool etc, but - is telling her she can't talk to him the right thing to do? And how? Does she tell him "bye" etc or block him,..and what if he ends up emailing her one night, or she sends him an email or something one night?
Should I expect her to be gung ho and "We're going to save our marriage yay!" as she ends the 3 year relationship with him?
And she suggested marriage counseling, so that's in our future.
Anyway, talking about this is much easier than doing it, and it might seem logical and simple "choose the marriage or him," but when you're actually speaking it, it's quite different.
Both of you need to grow the **** up...
A seperation (divorce) would be the best thing for both of you childlike adults.
Why so much hostility for trying to save a marriage?
And this forum is different than one specific person, telling them all the details, night after night. Much less someone who has the hots for you... Right?
You are all strangers and I'll never get attached or emotionally invested in any of the relationships on here.
That's the difference..
No hostility at all. I hope you can save the marriage. When you post things - like how it bothered you that she went out to lunch with her sister while you were away. It doesn’t matter one bit that you told her to stay away from her family for a month. It is her RIGHT to see her family when she chooses. Again, no hostility, just want you to see you are a responsible party too.
It's obvious when you tell her not to do something she does it (good for her). You might want to try a different approach. I really don't see such a big issue here that you guys can't work it out - unless I’m missing something. That’s why I want to see what your wife has to say.
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