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Met a guy 6 weeks ago. He text me several times, He started calling every night. We both felt like we were instant soul mates. We talked several hours each night, never a dull moment. After 3 weeks we went out. Had a great date and a second date. After the 2nd date, he wanted me to come over to his house, but I couldn't because of a class I had. The next day he seemed distant, then the day after that I didn't hear from him. So I guess I made the mistake of texting him and got no response. Another day went by, so I called him. He wouldn't answer his phone. He had been totally pursuing me up to this point. Then finally I get a text from him a day later saying this " not ready for a relationship, busy with work, take care and text me sometime". That was so unlike the guy I had been talking to. I tried getting him to explain, but he won't text back at all.
I am clueless. I didn't act like his mother or smother him. I just don't know why he would act like he was crazy about me and open up to me about so many things and then suddenly get cold feet. It's been about 1.5 weeks now. Any suggestions?
You know he's not giving you 100%. So, you deserve better? Don't play yourself anymore than you already have. Baby, you need some new guides, in your life.
[whatever happened to being cool for the first few months?]
I don't see how I could possibly wait a few months to get some action with someone I cared about and who presumably cares about me. After a lifetime of loneliness and then having a light in my life, to have to wait an inordinate amount of time to FULLY enjoy that light is just so.....it just sounds really bad, I'll put it that way.
However, I've never been in that position, so I really don't know how I would REALLY react if/when I am ever in it. I'm just expressing the way I feel.
Thats pretty juvenile if you ask me. To just completely shut down over someone not coming over. I mean you made it clear that you had to attend class. Besides, the fact that he asked you to come over doesnt mean you HAVE to honor it. Anyway, based on the info in this thread so far, it sounds like you dodged a bullet here..just a feeling.
I agree with Percentage. Chalk it up to experience and let it go. Whatever the guy's reason for cutting off communication, he lacks class and maturity. Seek out someone better.
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I don't see how I could possibly wait a few months to get some action with someone I cared about and who presumably cares about me. After a lifetime of loneliness and then having a light in my life, to have to wait an inordinate amount of time to enjoy that light is just so.....it just sounds really bad, I'll put it that way.
However, I've never been in that position, so I really don't know how I would REALLY react if/when I am ever in it. I'm just expressing the way I feel.
It's a matter of perspective, I suppose. I've been in enough situations where I've thought to myself, "Why isn't this happening now??" Over time I've learned to be patient and be cool. What I do these days is occupy myself with a variety of activities so that if one thing doesn't happen (e.g. sex), then something else will (e.g. go for a hike).
But what if part of the problem is that girls are taking too long to get intimate? Granted, after the 2nd date might be too short, but you gotta acknowledge that the opposite could be a problem, as well: taking too long.
But in this situation, taking too long wasn't the problem. 2 dates, she couldn't go back to his place when he invited her, so he's tossed her aside with a juvenile "too busy, take care, call me" attitude? Hard not to guess that sex was his motive and he didn't get his way so he stomped off. Good riddance, lucky her.
Met a guy 6 weeks ago. He text me several times, He started calling every night. We both felt like we were instant soul mates. We talked several hours each night, never a dull moment. After 3 weeks we went out. Had a great date and a second date. After the 2nd date, he wanted me to come over to his house, but I couldn't because of a class I had. The next day he seemed distant, then the day after that I didn't hear from him. So I guess I made the mistake of texting him and got no response. Another day went by, so I called him. He wouldn't answer his phone. He had been totally pursuing me up to this point. Then finally I get a text from him a day later saying this " not ready for a relationship, busy with work, take care and text me sometime". That was so unlike the guy I had been talking to. I tried getting him to explain, but he won't text back at all.
I am clueless. I didn't act like his mother or smother him. I just don't know why he would act like he was crazy about me and open up to me about so many things and then suddenly get cold feet. It's been about 1.5 weeks now. Any suggestions?
It's been my experience that people *in general* who are quick to connect with a person are also just as quick to disconnect. The connection for the quick-to-connect people isn't based on anything real; it's based fantasy the first person builds up in their head about the second person. When the OTHER person does something to destroy that fantasy, the first person disconnects almost immediately.
When you didn't hop-to, you destroyed whatever fantasy he had created about you and he disconnected. It's not your fault. It's his problem, not yours. No one is ever going to live up to his perfect standards.
If you were somehow to placate him this time, you would be forever placating him, trying to live up to whatever his weird standards are.
I know it hurts when someone pulls away suddenly (I've been through something similar myself recently), but relationships aren't supposed to be this hard in the beginning. If they're already this hard, they're never going to work.
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