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I recently met a guy and we hit it off. We had a lot in common and went out a few times. I thought things were going well until he stopped calling suddenly.
A few days went by so I sent him a text and wondered why I hadn't heard from him. He called me immediately after I sent the text and told me that, as much as he liked me, he thought that we should see other people because he thought I dressed too sexy.
I was confused. I had never heard a guy say this before, and it got me wondering whether he was insecure that other guys might start paying attention to me, despite the fact that i was interested in him and no one else. I even told him that.
Also...I didn't think I was dressing too sexy when we went out. I wore sweaters and tops that, although they were form-fitting, they showed no skin.
I'm confused. Is he insecure? He didn't seem to have a problem with how I dressed when we first met.
Amanda, I am a female, so not being sexist. I read some of your responses, and being curious I also had a peek at your profile. I have to say you are absolutely adorable, and you look like you are a fun loving person. I think it is his loss, and I think he realized that you were not just someone he could have a quick fling w/., and he figured out he doesn't have enough -----
to handle a real relationship w/ someone as attractive as you. You cannot be 38?? You have got a lot more choices than a guy w/ obvious insecurity, and hangups. Just be yourself, and be true to yourself. A Man that has his own life in order will appreciate you for all your gifts, not just your looks. Meanwhile, just live your life and be good to yourself. When you aren't looking, true love finds you.
Amanda, I am a female, so not being sexist. I read some of your responses, and being curious I also had a peek at your profile. I have to say you are absolutely adorable, and you look like you are a fun loving person. I think it is his loss, and I think he realized that you were not just someone he could have a quick fling w/., and he figured out he doesn't have enough -----
to handle a real relationship w/ someone as attractive as you. You cannot be 38?? You have got a lot more choices than a guy w/ obvious insecurity, and hangups. Just be yourself, and be true to yourself. A Man that has his own life in order will appreciate you for all your gifts, not just your looks. Meanwhile, just live your life and be good to yourself. When you aren't looking, true love finds you.
Listen, I like the OP..... I've read her posts on this forum for a couple of yrs now. That being said, I'm getting a little tired of it always being the guy is a "jerk" for expressing his opinions, matter of fact, he didn't actually express his opinion until the OP presses him for a reason as to why he wasn't contacting her anymore. It apparently wasn't his "loss" as he pretty muched bounced on her.
Why is it he couldn't "handle" a real relationship with her. Maybe he just chose to not be with someone that apparently dresses in a fashion he doesn't approve of. Why does this make him an insecure controlling person.
I'm usually first to rag on guys for being jerks, but I don' see it that way so much with this post.
I think we're taking girl power to a weird level here.
Don't know why people make such a big deal out of what kind of cloth one chooses to cover themselves with.
The answer is in the question. You have to live in the real world here, no matter how you disagree with it. Maybe it's wrong to judge someone based on how they've dressed themselves, but this is clearly not the majority view, especially in the professional world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Listen, I like the OP..... I've read her posts on this forum for a couple of yrs now. That being said, I'm getting a little tired of it always being the guy is a "jerk" for expressing his opinions, matter of fact, he didn't actually express his opinion until the OP presses him for a reason as to why he wasn't contacting her anymore. It apparently wasn't his "loss" as he pretty muched bounced on her.
Why is it he couldn't "handle" a real relationship with her. Maybe he just chose to not be with someone that apparently dresses in a fashion he doesn't approve of. Why does this make him an insecure controlling person.
I'm usually first to rag on guys for being jerks, but I don' see it that way so much with this post.
I think we're taking girl power to a weird level here.
Because to some women, men are either controlled or controlling. There is no inbetween. What he should've done was bite his tongue, marry this woman, and speak only HER mind
The answer is in the question. You have to live in the real world here, no matter how you disagree with it. Maybe it's wrong to judge someone based on how they've dressed themselves, but this is clearly not the majority view, especially in the professional world.
Well, these were dates, and I see no reason to assume that the OP is a professional dater (Amanda, I apologize for the jackasses that will assuredly make prostitute jokes).
I guess my view on speaking my mind is similar to my view on what I wear. I'm more concerned with my response to it, than someone else's.
People will make assumptions about people based upon how they dress. But one shouldn't assume that their assumptions are correct.
Well, these were dates, and I see no reason to assume that the OP is a professional dater (Amanda, I apologize for the jackasses that will assuredly make prostitute jokes).
I guess my view on speaking my mind is similar to my view on what I wear. I'm more concerned with my response to it, than someone else's.
People will make assumptions about people based upon how they dress. But one shouldn't assume that their assumptions are correct.
Exactly, and if how she dresses she deems appropriate and he doesn't and decided to make a pass on it shows more credibility than if he stuck around and tried to change her. He made no assumptions he simply didn't like the way she dressed and presented herself. No harm no foul.
Amanda, some fine examples of insecure men in some of these posts. You just take care of you. That is all you can do. You cannot change other peoples minds, or insecurity issues.
Women know what many folks don't, there are people that just cannot handle being upstaged in their imagination in a relationship, be it business, or personal. It brings out the worst in them, really w/out any explanation, because it is something they don't even realize. When someone is attractive, rather than a mousey shy female, there are plenty of males and other females that cannot handle it. So, unless you want to have to school and rationalize every irrational act visited upon you by these individuals, just call it a day....and move on. You are just being curious about this guy's excuse anyway, I get that.
I mean the guy may have been too polite to say "slutty", but if her profile is to believed she's not some twenty something trying to figure it all out. (Nothing against twenty somethings BTW!) She's grown. That's how she likes to dress. It is what it is.
Some guy out there will love it. At a certain point you have to know who you are and stop playing the "seek approval so I can be loved" game. That goes for men and women IMO. Not that she is willing to play, it doesn't sound like she is, but i am just saying on principle.
No one did anything wrong. It's just not a good match I think.
It certainly doesn't matter to me. She asked why. Is he insecure? No, not necessarily at all. He didn't like how she dressed.
Looks to me like he didn't make a big deal of it at all. He just hose not to date her anymore. Did he ask her to dress differently? No. He probably figured (rightly) that it wasn't his place to suggest more conservative attire.
I agree, nobody did anything wrong, but the OP is wondering why he skipped.
And let's not kid ourselves about the way we dress. Most of us dress for others. I know I do. Otherwise I'd wear boxers and flip-flops all summer long, be it to mow my lawn or go to church. What we wear isn't who we are; it's simply how we dress. Changing that doesn't change who we are either. If the OP wants to attract more mature and serious men, she might want to dress more conservatively. Maybe. That's up to her.
Listen, I like the OP..... I've read her posts on this forum for a couple of yrs now. That being said, I'm getting a little tired of it always being the guy is a "jerk" for expressing his opinions, matter of fact, he didn't actually express his opinion until the OP presses him for a reason as to why he wasn't contacting her anymore. It apparently wasn't his "loss" as he pretty muched bounced on her.
Why is it he couldn't "handle" a real relationship with her. Maybe he just chose to not be with someone that apparently dresses in a fashion he doesn't approve of. Why does this make him an insecure controlling person.
I'm usually first to rag on guys for being jerks, but I don' see it that way so much with this post.
I think we're taking girl power to a weird level here.
An awful lot of rationalizing and defending, a perfect example.
Amanda, some fine examples of insecure men in some of these posts. You just take care of you. That is all you can do. You cannot change other peoples minds, or insecurity issues.
Women know what many folks don't, there are people that just cannot handle being upstaged in their imagination in a relationship, be it business, or personal. It brings out the worst in them, really w/out any explanation, because it is something they don't even realize. When someone is attractive, rather than a mousey shy female, there are plenty of males and other females that cannot handle it. So, unless you want to have to school and rationalize every irrational act visited upon you by these individuals, just call it a day....and move on. You are just being curious about this guy's excuse anyway, I get that.
Given my lack of penis status, I can be objective enough to say I haven't read one post in this thread which indicates anyone is insecure. That's a cop out and it doesn't apply here.
And why, after a couple dates do you have this man being beholden to having a relationship with a woman he is simply not attracted to - would you advise her to continue to pursue a relationship with someone she finds unattractive lest SHE be called insecure? Not everyone is attracted to everyone and often, one can have a severe lack of self awareness in these situations which is just being brought to light.
he thought that we should see other people because he thought I dressed too sexy.
Perhaps a gal that wears a burqa is more his type.
Forget about him and move on.
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