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Yes, you're right. Some of the Turkish men don't believe in public displays of affection. But still they don't look happy. It also may be because the stress. People are mostly focused on earning money to look after their families. They may think that they have bigger issues than the love.
And i don't believe that women in my country are adequately informed about sex. i'm not married, never had sex but on some forums i saw that i know much more than some of the married women it's not because most of them don't have sex before marriage, because i have never had too. it's because they see it as a disgraceful thing and they don't try to learn it i think
Your additional information is very helpful. Based on your posts, it appears that Turkey is a male-dominated country, the men don't believe in public displays of affection (so you're not going to be seeing happy couples in public), the culture is stressful due to money worries, and finally women are inadequately informed and prepared for sex. All those factors would certainly contribute to unhappy marriages. American marriages are certainly not perfect but they are generally not hurt by the factors you mentioned and couples probably have healthier sex lives too.
It would be very sad to live in a culture where sex between two loving partners is "disgraceful"!
I think in this country loving parents work to teach their kids that sex with someone you love and are committed to is a wonderful thing.
I know my parents taught that to me, and I've passed that mindset on to my sons.
Just guessing Turkish mothers aren't telling their daughters the same thing?
Having sex before marriage is a sin for Islamic belief. this is the main reason behind this situation. Sex seems as a taboo (especially for women. men do whatever they want. this is unfair ). Parents don't teach their children. For all these reasons, some women see sex only as a job for satisfy their husbands. i don't believe in having sex before marriage too, but i'm also conscious about sex and how it's awesome But new generation is different. I guess there's a increasement in the rate of the women having sex before their marriage. but i also don't like this situation
Your additional information is very helpful. Based on your posts, it appears that Turkey is a male-dominated country, the men don't believe in public displays of affection (so you're not going to be seeing happy couples in public), the culture is stressful due to money worries, and finally women are inadequately informed and prepared for sex. All those factors would certainly contribute to unhappy marriages. American marriages are certainly not perfect but they are generally not hurt by the factors you mentioned and couples probably have healthier sex lives too.
thank you.
ok, then what are the factors that hurt the marriages in USA? any cultural factor? for example individualism. it's too high in USA. (You can see here: http://geert-hofstede.com/united-states.html ) Do people in your country have difficulties in being "We" instead of "I" when it comes to being couple
It would be very sad to live in a culture where sex between two loving partners is "disgraceful"!
I think in this country loving parents work to teach their kids that sex with someone you love and are committed to is a wonderful thing.
I know my parents taught that to me, and I've passed that mindset on to my sons.
Just guessing Turkish mothers aren't telling their daughters the same thing?
I had a Turkish co-worker some years ago and I've been to Turkey myself.
What I was told and I saw myself was a society that was culturally split in half, so to speak: there were people, most of them belonging to Islamic religion, very traditional and whose lifestyle resembles (in varying degrees) that of Middle Eastern nations, and (admittedly a minority of them) people who were profoundly European and they lived as such.
The contrast was particularly sharp in Istanbul because, although non-Muslim Turks are a minority there as well (I think), European-looking-and-behaving men and women were everywhere in several areas of the city, regardless of their spiritual background. I saw plenty of people holding hands, kissing and cuddling in public, women of all ages dressing "sexily", gay bars... Turks are a gorgeous people, by the way!
So Istanbul was your average big city where diversity is the rule. Rural areas and smaller places always tend to be more homogeneous and conservative everywhere, after all.
My Turkish co-worker, who was an Orthodox Christian woman in her early 20s, was dating a French guy and she was on the pill, so I suppose that premarital sex wasn't an issue for her either lol.
I had a Turkish co-worker some years ago and I've been to Turkey myself.
What I was told and I saw myself was a society that was culturally split in half, so to speak: there were people, most of them belonging to Islamic religion, very traditional and whose lifestyle resembles (in varying degrees) that of Middle Eastern nations, and (admittedly a minority of them) people who were profoundly European and they lived as such.
The contrast was particularly sharp in Istanbul because, although non-Muslim Turks are a minority there as well (I think), European-looking-and-behaving men and women were everywhere in several areas of the city, regardless of their spiritual background. I saw plenty of people holding hands, kissing and cuddling in public, women of all ages dressing "sexily", gay bars... Turks are a gorgeous people, by the way!
So Istanbul was your average big city where diversity is the rule. Rural areas and smaller places always tend to be more homogeneous and conservative everywhere, after all.
My Turkish co-worker, who was an Orthodox Christian woman in her early 20s, was dating a French guy and she was on the pill, so I suppose that premarital sex wasn't an issue for her either lol.
yes, i could not have described the situation better. sometimes i should think too much to make a sentence so i don't take the trouble
btw, i was born in a conservative family in Istanbul. so i'm both conservative & open minded
This is a very interesting thread. I would love to hear more about how women in Islamic or partially-islamic countries view marriage.
Im also interested in how marriages come about in Islamic countries? (I.e.are they arranged or do two people choose each other).
In Turkey, most of the people say that they're Muslims but they don't really obey the Islamic rules. In real Islam, women and men can't hold hands, kiss each other etc. before they get married. They even can't look at each other with desire. In Turkey, most of the people choose each other. But in some cities, most of them are arranged.
I don't know if you have noticed but i always say "most" or "some", because Turkey is a very mixed country indeed
btw i was a Muslim until 1-2 years ago. But now i'm a Deist.
I can answer your questions, please ask if you have any.
In Turkey, most of the people say that they're Muslims but they don't really obey the Islamic rules. In real Islam, women and men can't hold hands, kiss each other etc. before they get married. They even can't look at each other with desire. In Turkey, most of the people choose each other. But in some cities, most of them are arranged.
I don't know if you have noticed but i always say "most" or "some", because Turkey is a very mixed country indeed
btw i was a Muslim until 1-2 years ago. But now i'm a Deist.
I can answer your questions, please ask if you have any.
Thank you. Is divorce allowed in Turkey? What is the divorce rate there (your guess if you don't know) and how is divorce seen? Is everyone expected to get married in Turkey?
To answer your question about the U.S., I know some happy couples and some unhappy couples. It seems pretty split down the middle and there is no one thing I can point to the explain this. It's a very complex matter why people are happy or unhappy and it depends on individual personalities, temperaments, needs and values. There is no one thing to point to as the defining reason for their level of happiness. This is just my perception.
Thank you. Is divorce allowed in Turkey? What is the divorce rate there (your guess if you don't know) and how is divorce seen? Is everyone expected to get married in Turkey?
To answer your question about the U.S., I know some happy couples and some unhappy couples. It seems pretty split down the middle and there is no one thing I can point to the explain this. It's a very complex matter why people are happy or unhappy and it depends on individual personalities, temperaments, needs and values. There is no one thing to point to as the defining reason for their level of happiness. This is just my perception.
yes, it's of course allowed. I have no idea about the divorce rates but i googled it and found that 651 896 couples got married and 95 895 couples got divorced in 2005. And in the same year, there were nearly 68000000 people living in Turkey.
umm, yes everybody is expected to get married but there isn't any obligation about this. i didn't understand the point of this question
yes, it's of course allowed. I have no idea about the divorce rates but i googled it and found that 651 896 couples got married and 95 895 couples got divorced in 2005. And in the same year, there were nearly 68000000 people living in Turkey.
umm, yes everybody is expected to get married but there isn't any obligation about this. i didn't understand the point of this question
She was asking if there is any negative stigma attached to the idea of divorce in Turkey.
In America, we have lost that stigma that used to be associated with divorce.
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it's not because most of them don't have sex before marriage, because i have never had too. it's because they see it as a disgraceful thing and they don't try to learn it i think 
). Parents don't teach their children. For all these reasons, some women see sex only as a job for satisfy their husbands. i don't believe in having sex before marriage too, but i'm also conscious about sex and how it's awesome 
But new generation is different. I guess there's a increasement in the rate of the women having sex before their marriage. but i also don't like this situation 
