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Ok so I've been mailing thse two women back and forth for over a month now, 2 weeks ago I tried to set up a meeting with each, both made excuses, same story a week ago.
Let's call them A)nna and B)ritney. A doesn't look as good as B, but she seems really compatible in terms of lifestyle, interests etc. B is more of an artist, a lot more extroverted which I do consider may pose obstacles if she wants to be more active socially than I do, but she does usually answer my email quicker and with more eagerness it would seem, and seems like a genuinly nice person.
At this point(1 week ago)
I've had to ask like a 5th time before I got a picture of her, which I felt was kinda strange, I had been waiting a few emails between asking each time and so on...
Then I also find out from A that she doesn't live 30 miles from me, she lives 110 miles away, the only roads there are small and quirky so it'd take 2,5 hours to get to her by car or 1,5 hours with train...
So I write to her that this might pose a problem, because it will limit our ability to meet up spontaneously and I'm not really looking for a distance-relationship.
She replied that "comon we shouldn't give up on this, we ought to meet each other, I could compromise and go home(30 miles away at her parents place) more often etc"
Ad I kinda like that she sticks in there and asked her if we could meet this weekend(today to be exact), she said she couldn't, she had some stuff to take care of, didn't say what, which makes me think she's just making excuses. Neither did she suggest another time.
If it wasn't for the fact that she sent 2 rather long emails about that we shouldn't give up and that she feels we we could become something I would have thought she simply wasn't interested.
I also suggested to B that we should meet this weekends, but she said she had to practice with her class-band, for playing up in school (she's becoming a music teacher). However she didn't make any suggestions of another time to meet either.
So both have declined to meet twice, B did give a reason the second time but not the first, A didn't really say why she couldn't either time, either have made any counter-suggestions at either time to meet at another point. both have said they'd like to meet.
So now I think I've shown enough initiative, twice to each, so I'm thinking it's up to them to take an initiative this time if either of them really wants to meet. I don't intend to chase after them like a dog who's got nothing better to do...
Thoughts?
Move on to someone else and when you do, meet up fairly fast, like a few emails and a quick meet. Don't allow them to waste your time and energy. There are odd people who join these sites just to see who might be interested in them but can't take the fantasy into reality. If you want something real, get real FAST. If they can't, drop them FAST.
Why in the world would either of them owe you an explanation on why they can't meet up with someone at the drop of hat that they've never met except on a screen?
How did you meet these women to begin with? An online dating service or what?
Sounds like both may be yanking your chain....but in today's world I would NOT want to rush out and meet anyone until I had a better handle on their personality, who they are, and why they are looking online for a SO. I'm sure you are very nice....so was Ted Bundy. I don't mean that in a derogatory way toward you, I'm saying he fooled a lot of people. Again, in today's world - well, you just can't afford to be fooled, not even the first time.
Last edited by Sam I Am; 01-29-2012 at 04:22 AM..
Reason: addition
but in today's world I would NOT want to rush out and meet anyone until I had a better handle on their personality, who they are, and why they are looking online for a SO. I'm sure you are very nice....so was Ted Bundy. I don't mean that in a derogatory way toward you, I'm saying he fooled a lot of people. Again, in today's world - well, you just can't afford to be fooled, not even the first time.
That's what I think. I think they are being cautious because they don't know him "which is totally understandable."
Women are turned off by guys wanting to meet quickly. Shows desperation and they think they just want sex or are weirdos.
It's better to build a relationship on the phone first than to go from email to meet in person.
Why in the world would either of them owe you an explanation on why they can't meet up with someone at the drop of hat that they've never met except on a screen?
How did you meet these women to begin with? An online dating service or what?
Sounds like both may be yanking your chain....but in today's world I would NOT want to rush out and meet anyone until I had a better handle on their personality, who they are, and why they are looking online for a SO. I'm sure you are very nice....so was Ted Bundy. I don't mean that in a derogatory way toward you, I'm saying he fooled a lot of people. Again, in today's world - well, you just can't afford to be fooled, not even the first time.
How could I possibly 'fool someone' unless they themselves were incredibly stupid to begin with? And what could there possibly be to be afraid of? If I wanted to physically assault somebody I could simply go to the nearest park and have her raped while I'm at it. It's not like meeting on the internet would pose anything but obstacles and a prolonged process for me if I was like that.
I've never heard of Ted Bundy neither.
I'm not saying they'd ow me an explanation, I'm saying that if a person is interested in meeting another he/she will usually say why he/she can't.
At this point tho I'm feeling more and more like dropping the while online dating thing, it's taking too long, and I've more or less pulled my net through the entire available sea, not many more fishes enter it/week neither.
I wouldn't wanna take it by phone. I hate phonecalls, above all other types of communicating I really hate phones. I'll rather flask-mail, smoke-signal, flagsignal or old-fashion-mail, but phone-speaking is something I do hate. besides my housewalls are too thick, there's always so much interference.
Another thought, SV - so both of these women live close enough that you could actually meet up with them...have you given them enough information to surreptitiously check you out behind the scenes? If they are that close in proximity, perhaps they know someone who knows someone who knows you or knows of you. Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and all that jazz. Anyone can be checked out these days, given enough info - and if I wasn't given enough info, I'd have to assume they were trying to sidestep what was potentially an issue.
I think I would be much more likely to meet up with someone who gave me enough verifiable information that I could feel semi-comfortable meeting in a very public place. And if it took me 3 months to gather that info, the other party would need to be patient or move on down the road.
I'd continue to email/phone and try to reveal the public parts of yourself that can be checked out. If it drags on too long, though, just consider they weren't that into you and move on yourself - no sense in wasting time running full speed down the wrong road.
That's what I think. I think they are being cautious because they don't know him "which is totally understandable."
Women are turned off by guys wanting to meet quickly. Shows desperation and they think they just want sex or are weirdos.
It's better to build a relationship on the phone first than to go from email to meet in person.
It's not meeting quickly if it's been a month. I mean fine if I emailed somone goen "hey I like ur profile, let's meet in 2 hours" that's another deal. but after a couple of emails I think you might as well meet, worst thing that can happen is that we aren't compatible and go home alone.
In this case I asked the first time after 2 weeks, and now againa fter 4 weeks, I think it's looong overdue...
How could I possibly 'fool someone' unless they themselves were incredibly stupid to begin with? And what could there possibly be to be afraid of? If I wanted to physically assault somebody I could simply go to the nearest park and have her raped while I'm at it. It's not like meeting on the internet would pose anything but obstacles and a prolonged process for me if I was like that. I've never heard of Ted Bundy neither.
You could fool someone who was terribly naive very easily...and there is PLENTY to be afraid of - ever heard of date rape?
Never heard of Bundy....okey-dokey - clearly we are coming at this from two different age groups - but suffice it to say he was a mass murderer who looked like the nicest guy in the world, and that was his hook...gentleman, polite, clean-shaven, well spoken - and a psychopath right out of the gate. He would have looked GREAT on a dating service flat screen...ummmm, the real deal was not so nice. He was executed in 1989.
Another thought, SV - so both of these women live close enough that you could actually meet up with them...have you given them enough information to surreptitiously check you out behind the scenes? If they are that close in proximity, perhaps they know someone who knows someone who knows you or knows of you. Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and all that jazz. Anyone can be checked out these days, given enough info - and if I wasn't given enough info, I'd have to assume they were trying to sidestep what was potentially an issue.
I think I would be much more likely to meet up with someone who gave me enough verifiable information that I could feel semi-comfortable meeting in a very public place. And if it took me 3 months to gather that info, the other party would need to be patient or move on down the road.
I'd continue to email/phone and try to reveal the public parts of yourself that can be checked out. If it drags on too long, though, just consider they weren't that into you and move on yourself - no sense in wasting time running full speed down the wrong road.
One of them knows my last name, which I am the only male to have in this entire country. So she could definatly check up everything about me. the other I'm not too sure but Í think she has it too so that shouldn't be a problem... But neither have asked, not even indirectly to get anything like that so...
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