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Let me make sure I clear up any confusion. What the ^^^^ poster said was pretty much my situation. My wife isn't upset that I haven't lost weight. She decided to do that when I left town for work, so it wasn't like it was a mutual decision for us to start losing weight. She is upset at me because we didn't start doing it more until she lost weight. I told her I loved her no matter what size she is, and she said she knows that already. Its the sexual attraction part she is upset about.
Okay. So... How do you feel about losing weight, yourself? It would probably go a long way toward smoothing things over, because then you'd be walking the talk. Bonus if you just did it without making any big announcements about it, and then when she notices, tell her how motivated you were by her success and that you want not only to be the guy she first married, but want to live a long, healthy life with her, too.
Just be prepared for her to jump yer bones when you say it.
All you can do is say you are sorry. It's only natural. She saw something in herself that she didn't like that triggered her to lose the weight, it's not crazy it affected you too, even if it was subconscious as you still loved her.
This.
Either she'll calm down and let it go or her resentment will grow because the element of superficiality has entered the picture now. If the latter, you can try to do some damage control by losing weight yourself or maybe she's financially dependent on you and that makes up for it.
For those who aren't getting it: It sounds like she's upset that he was not attracted to her when she gained weight, but she was still attracted to him or willing to have sex with him despite his weight gain.
In other words, she's upset that she accepts him, but apparently his acceptance of her is contingent on her weight. Also, she might be annoyed that now he expects her to be all eager to hit the sack with him, even though he, himself, has done nothing about his weight. In other words, he seems to feel that it's okay for HIM to be fat, and she's supposed to want to get with him, but it's not okay for HER to be fat.
She called him out on his double-standard, is all.
eventually women find us out, we like sex with a good looking partner just like them.
once she can come to grips with that it will get better. might help too if you lose some weight.
It's not about the sex, it's what Yvette said upthread. His wife is feeling a bit objectified, as if her husband wants her only when she's thin, not all the time. She wants him even though he's bigger, but the feeling wasn't mutual.
It's not about the sex, it's what Yvette said upthread. His wife is feeling a bit objectified, as if her husband wants her only when she's thin, not all the time. She wants him even though he's bigger, but the feeling wasn't mutual.
Fleetiebelle and Yzette have it right.
OP, I'd take a look at what MarysPoppins said too, if I were you -- I haven't heard you say much of anything about making the commitment to go back to how fit you were (and it's easier for you guys; you have a muscle mass advantage over us women).
Making her feel loved and desired regardless of her size is the issue and since you totally blew it there is no way for you to win this battle. I predict a complete failure of this relationship. Now that she knows you don't care and that he has the ability to change she is going to dump you like a hot potato and find a guy who will treat her well.
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