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Old 02-01-2012, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,639,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun View Post
Like they say "Love is Blind" or at least "thats what the man says".

Once the chemical high of new love wears of the grim reality is you have a disgruntled spouse who you have very little in common with! try making that work.

People act like Divorce is a bad thing. Divorce is an escape from misery and to many it is a great escape! People should not feel forced by society to endure a crappy life because of a false sense of success (marriage). We all see them: Unhappy friends sticking out for no good reason. This describes my friend and his wife: “Lets go around and call ourselves successful because I’m in a perpetual state a misery living with someone I can’t stand!”.

This does not apply to everyone of course.
If you're a man and married with children, divorce is a very bad thing.
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Old 02-01-2012, 01:16 PM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,138,340 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun View Post
Like they say "Love is Blind" or at least "thats what the man says".

Once the chemical high of new love wears of the grim reality is you have a disgruntled spouse who you have very little in common with! try making that work.

People act like Divorce is a bad thing. Divorce is an escape from misery and to many it is a great escape! People should not feel forced by society to endure a crappy life because of a false sense of success (marriage). We all see them: Unhappy friends sticking out for no good reason. This describes my friend and his wife: “Lets go around and call ourselves successful because I’m in a perpetual state a misery living with someone I can’t stand!”.

This does not apply to everyone of course.
You've got to be kidding. Once there are kids involved, it is the worse thing imaginable. You have to be in a terrible situation indeed to go through it.
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Old 02-01-2012, 01:26 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,183,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
If you're a man and married with children, divorce is a very bad thing.

It seems to me that the correct solution to this is to improve equity in divorce law.
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Old 02-01-2012, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,639,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
It seems to me that the correct solution to this is to improve equity in divorce law.
We'll all be dead and gone before that ever happens. If laws were equal, I'd have been divorced long ago.
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Old 02-01-2012, 01:32 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,183,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
You've got to be kidding. Once there are kids involved, it is the worse thing imaginable. You have to be in a terrible situation indeed to go through it.

You mean worst thing imaginable for the kids? That is not necessarily the case At All. Raising kids in a venomous relationship certainly is not good for them!
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Old 02-01-2012, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Hell, NY
3,187 posts, read 5,149,530 times
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I think most people have pretty much summed it up. I tried to give reps to many, but could not. Must spread it around. I don't think having an open relationship really works unless your in it for the kink part of it only. If I love some one, I want them and them only. And I have usually found this to be the the case with my partners as well. Call me old fashioned. Call me whatever.

To have an open relationship goes against everything sacred two people who love each other have. How can you truly love someone, yet watch them getting all of their holes plugged by complete strangers? Or by anyone for that matter, friends, acquaintances, whatever? It just doesn't make sense to me.

It seems that the only way it would really work is

A) both people are just kinky and their relationship is really just "friend" based. Meaning, that you love each other, but are not in love with each other. You care, but not to that extreme. Your sexual appetite overrides your feelings for one another. There is no B.

Someone else already stated it early on in the post. Most likely someone is not going to be happy about it. Jealousy and other issues can and most likely will happen. I can't see it truly being a healthy thing..

So to answer the question. Not a chance is an open relationship more healthy than a monogomous one..That's just my two cents. I can't see how sharing your partner is going to benefit a relationship..Unless of course there is not much love in it.
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Old 02-01-2012, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,639,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You mean worst thing imaginable for the kids? That is not necessarily the case At All. Raising kids in a venomous relationship certainly is not good for them!
It's bad for kids, and bad for fathers.
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:18 PM
 
Location: San Fran Bay Area
228 posts, read 421,555 times
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I think it definitely comes down to effective and open communication, both for open and traditional marriages to work. I think some people are under the impression that there is no "cheating" in open relationships, which is completely false. Unfortunately, I say this from first and second-hand knowledge.

I don't want to divulge all of the specifics, but my husband and I did work our way into polyamory through the BDSM scene. We were still in the "negotiations" stage when he made the leap to action. I was devastated. When turning to our polyamorous friends, I found this to be the norm. Couples were always negotiating and re-negotiating, usually because someone broke the current contract or made a decision that had unforeseen consequences (usually it was just a clever work-around of one of the contract rules). The worst transgression I knew of involved a man getting his "girlfriend" pregnant, when he and the wife had already agreed that all sex was to be protected. I found this out about a particular couple because I had a relationship with them after my husband's death.

Both of them were responsible for continually breaking and re-negotiating their contract, but they managed to stay together and work it all out for 10+ years. I respect them for that, but I learned that it is not what I want. Even though their relationship survived a lot of turmoil, I didn't get the impression that it was stronger than a traditional marriage. Same old crap - jealousy, miscommunication, lies, mistakes - just add the wants and needs of a third party (or more). Too much drama, IMHO.
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:20 PM
 
Location: USA
31,010 posts, read 22,051,613 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
If you're a man and married with children, divorce is a very bad thing.
I didn't even take into consideration kids. I was just referring to unhappy friends I know without thinking of the affect on kids.
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,639,083 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun View Post
I didn't even take into consideration kids. I was just referring to unhappy friends I know without thinking of the affect on kids.
Yeah, but you gotta take that into consideration. My marital problems are no secret here, and a major reason I stay in an unhappy situation is that I have kids and won't accept losing them.
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