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Old 02-01-2012, 02:35 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,444,770 times
Reputation: 1909

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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
You've got to be kidding. Once there are kids involved, it is the worse thing imaginable. You have to be in a terrible situation indeed to go through it.
Strongly strongly strongly disagree.

My parents stayed together "for the children" - and apparently thought subjecting children to one parent constantly putting the other down, and regular bouts of physically/emotionally abuse, was the "better" solution than a divorce.

Funny how it wasn't until they got divorced that all the tension escaped and some normalcy was able to occur.

Despite having to visit my dad at his separate house - my sisters and my own quality of life greatly improved.

Unless someone is raised in that situation, I don't think they realize how damaging "staying together for the children" can be.
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:36 PM
 
Location: USA
31,010 posts, read 22,051,613 times
Reputation: 19067
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
Yeah, but you gotta take that into consideration. My marital problems are no secret here, and a major reason I stay in an unhappy situation is that I have kids and won't accept losing them.
Yeah, I forgot about that. Hope things are working out for you.
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,639,083 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
Strongly strongly strongly disagree.

My parents stayed together "for the children" - and apparently thought subjecting children to one parent constantly putting the other down, and regular bouts of physically/emotionally abuse, was the "better" solution than a divorce.

Funny how it wasn't until they got divorced that all the tension escaped and some normalcy was able to occur.

Despite having to visit my dad at his separate house - my sisters and my own quality of life greatly improved.

Unless someone is raised in that situation, I don't think they realize how damaging "staying together for the children" can be.
How did he feel about never seeing his children and not being able to raise them?
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:39 PM
 
Location: USA
31,010 posts, read 22,051,613 times
Reputation: 19067
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
Strongly strongly strongly disagree.

My parents stayed together "for the children" - and apparently thought subjecting children to one parent constantly putting the other down, and regular bouts of physically/emotionally abuse, was the "better" solution than a divorce.

Funny how it wasn't until they got divorced that all the tension escaped and some normalcy was able to occur.

Despite having to visit my dad at his separate house - my sisters and my own quality of life greatly improved.

Unless someone is raised in that situation, I don't think they realize how damaging "staying together for the children" can be.
Not all situations are the same.
My parents stayed together, but were more like siblings than anything else. Most suposed happily married people fought more than they did. They came together for kid related stuff but my dad did his own thing and my mom did hers. They got divorced after we grew up.

Last edited by LS Jaun; 02-01-2012 at 02:48 PM..
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Old 02-01-2012, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach
8,346 posts, read 7,041,850 times
Reputation: 2874
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy View Post
I don't think having an open relationship really works unless your in it for the kink part of it only.
Experience says otherwise.

Quote:
If I love some one, I want them and them only.
And I find that I can love someone with all of my being, yet still pine for others.

Quote:
And I have usually found this to be the the case with my partners as well. Call me old fashioned. Call me whatever.
Not old fashioned, just different.

Quote:
To have an open relationship goes against everything sacred two people who love each other have.
Traditonally, maybe. HOwever, many traditions are stupid. Monogamy being one of them.

Quote:
How can you truly love someone, yet watch them getting all of their holes plugged by complete strangers? Or by anyone for that matter, friends, acquaintances, whatever? It just doesn't make sense to me.
Seeing my wife happy with her other makes me happy and satisfied. The only "jealousy" I felt is when I didn't have an other, not that she was getting happiness from another person.

Quote:
It seems that the only way it would really work is

A) both people are just kinky and their relationship is really just "friend" based. Meaning, that you love each other, but are not in love with each other. You care, but not to that extreme. Your sexual appetite overrides your feelings for one another. There is no B.
And I'm here, as a married father who's deeply in love with his wife, yet has a girlfriend and a sex buddy, that the way it works is this:

Communication.

As long as there's an open line of communication, a set of good rules (i.e.: Always use protection, even on a virgin, regular STD checks for both you and your partners, etc.), then everything will work out.

Another good idea is to make sure that your other and your spouse meet, and that they're okay with each other. I'm friends wiht my wife's other, and my wife is friends with my other. (in fact, my other looks up to my wife.)

Quote:
Someone else already stated it early on in the post. Most likely someone is not going to be happy about it. Jealousy and other issues can and most likely will happen.
Hence open communication.

The moment problems arise, you clamp down on the relationship.

it's that easy.

Quote:
So to answer the question. Not a chance is an open relationship more healthy than a monogomous one..That's just my two cents. I can't see how sharing your partner is going to benefit a relationship..Unless of course there is not much love in it.
My relationship with my wife has grown stronger because of our open status. Exploring others allows me to see how much I appreciate my wife. Sexually and otherwise.
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Old 02-01-2012, 04:17 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,183,246 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
Experience says otherwise.
This.

[quote[
Seeing my wife happy with her other makes me happy and satisfied.
[/quote]
Replace wife with husband and this.


Quote:
And I'm here, as a married father who's deeply in love with his wife, yet has a girlfriend and a sex buddy, that the way it works is this:

Communication.
Change a couple of details and this.
Quote:
The moment problems arise, you clamp down on the relationship.
And definitely this.


Quote:
My relationship with my wife has grown stronger because of our open status.
Absolutely this.
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Old 02-01-2012, 06:46 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,034,272 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
Strongly strongly strongly disagree.

My parents stayed together "for the children" - and apparently thought subjecting children to one parent constantly putting the other down, and regular bouts of physically/emotionally abuse, was the "better" solution than a divorce.

Funny how it wasn't until they got divorced that all the tension escaped and some normalcy was able to occur.

Despite having to visit my dad at his separate house - my sisters and my own quality of life greatly improved.

Unless someone is raised in that situation, I don't think they realize how damaging "staying together for the children" can be.
The relationship between my mother's parents was seemingly one of total animosity - always fighting, full of resentment and bitterness - as far as I can can gather, and I'm not sure either one really loved the other. I think this really affected my mother and her siblings in a pretty bad way. They stuck together and did not divorce even after the kids grew up, as divorce wasn't so accepted in those days. It did seem they were living in a toxic relationship right to the end. If people can't work out their differences, and continue to live each other, they slowly begin to kill each other.
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Old 02-01-2012, 06:53 PM
 
Location: Utah
1,429 posts, read 2,296,955 times
Reputation: 707
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Never had an experience in open relationships (or any type of romantic relationship for that matter) but I'm just wondering if, from experience/your own reckoning, you think they might actually be more durable, resilient and strong than strictly exclusive or monogamous relationships? I mean there might be less tension, less suspicion, and if sex is treated as sex, it won't damage the bond they have? Does having sex with another always damage that bond they have with each other? Varies with people, I know...it's probably better on one hand, but worse on the other because there's the potential that an emotional connection could be formed through sex.

Basically, though, do you think it's a more 'enlightened' form of relationship, or basically an excuse to be promiscuous?
Not at all! It works for me.

Sex is something to be shared and enjoyed and experienced. As long as all parties are open, honest and have perfect communication of issues before they turn into problems then it works just like any normal relationship/marriage.

If anything I find it makes a relationship stronger because you gain a deeper understanding of your own and your partners sexuality.
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Old 02-01-2012, 06:55 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,034,272 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaKintobor View Post
Not at all! It works for me.

Sex is something to be shared and enjoyed and experienced. As long as all parties are open, honest and have perfect communication of issues before they turn into problems then it works just like any normal relationship/marriage.

If anything I find it makes a relationship stronger because you gain a deeper understanding of your own and your partners sexuality.
It's more respectable than those who are dishonest about it and cheat while pretending to be exclusive.
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Old 02-01-2012, 09:50 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,254 posts, read 64,338,536 times
Reputation: 73931
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
My parents stayed together "for the children" - and apparently thought subjecting children to one parent constantly putting the other down, and regular bouts of physically/emotionally abuse, was the "better" solution than a divorce.
Unless someone is raised in that situation, I don't think they realize how damaging "staying together for the children" can be.
Yeah. If the parents act like complete aholes, I can see how this can be true. Which would defeat the purpose of staying together for the kids. However, I know people whose parents did not do it this way. They were civil and pleasant and their kids did not have that environment to deal with.
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