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Old 02-01-2012, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,951,692 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Humans are not monogamous by nature. There is so much societal pressure to be with your 'one and only' for the rest of your lives but in many cases this is simply not workable. We're expected to believe that thrill of the first kiss lasts forever, that somehow our libidos will also be in sync, that we shouldn't desire other people...and the biggest lie of all, is that an affair crushes and destroys a relationship. Americans in particular have very unrealistic expectations of long term relationships. In many other countries an affair or an open relationship don't ruin the bond people have and does not destroy families.

If an open relationship doesn't work for you, an alternative is "don't ask, don't tell'.

I don't know if these relationships are stronger, all I know is not everyone fits into the cookie cutter square.
LOL Not ever. I'd remain single first.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:12 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,788,565 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
The latter. If you want to mess around/be a ho/whatever, why be married or allegedly monogamous? "Open marriage" is an oxymoron.
I think anyone who has been in love, or even hasn't been in love, with functioning parts can easily answer that question.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:12 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,126,936 times
Reputation: 17797
"Open" is a very specific form of what some people call responsible non-monogamy. Google that term, and you will get a bit of info.

In my opinion mature people make strong relationships and immature people make weak ones regardless of you love style.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,360 posts, read 8,358,129 times
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Quote:
If two people are that into each other, I mean head over heels in love into each other, true, unconditional love (which I realize is rare), they're not going to want to be with or see their partner be with anyone else. What's the point in a relationship if you're just going to screw around? Stay single.
That's it in a nutshell.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:24 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,788,565 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
"Open" is a very specific form of what some people call responsible non-monogamy. Google that term, and you will get a bit of info.

In my opinion mature people make strong relationships and immature people make weak ones regardless of you love style.
If you're not religious I think the basis for monogamy is socio-cultural and flexible anyway. It's up to the respective partners to decide what is acceptable.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:29 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,126,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
Statistics aren't easily found - who is going to ask, and who is going to answer honestly? But even with that limitation, some experts have recently estimated that about 6% of relationships are consensually open.
Given the taboo, my guess is that there are many, many closeted responsible non-monogamy practitioners.

Quote:
As for the OP's question, the premise you stated makes sense theoretically because better communication is usually needed to make an open relationship work, but in practice the results are very mixed.
It would be interesting to know how mixed the results are compared to monogamous couples. But at this time, I doubt that is knowable.

Quote:
We're talking human nature here, so what else would you expect? Anyway, I don't think you can make any sweeping generalizations one way or the other. All anyone can say is that most people can barely even imagine the idea much less implement it, and far fewer will do so successfully.

All I can say is that having once been in a successful open relationship, the OP's premise was true for us. I should also mention that an open relationship is not the same as a polyamorous relationship. Open is about having sexual variety - usually with well-established rules and boundaries set by the couple. Open relationships are mainly about sex (and understanding that many people want the variety but few actually obtain it ethically with their partner's knowledge and consent).
And is different from swinging. Swinging is a shared experience and open is a separate experience.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,071,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I think anyone who has been in love, or even hasn't been in love, with functioning parts can easily answer that question.
Have you ever been in love? Because if not - I can understand why you would ask this question. If you have - then I'm kind of baffled. Whether or not to have an open relationship depends entirely upon the two people in question. My husband and I are in love with each other. The thought of him with someone else makes me want to vomit. Furthermore, I have no interest in being with anyone else. Every other man pales in comparison to him - and why would I want to be with someone who wasn't as great?

For most people - when you truly fall in love with someone - you want to be with only that person - and you don't want that person to be with anyone else. Some people are wired differently and are okay with an open relationship. Neither one is some magical thing - it is what the two people in the actual relationship are comfortable with.

I'd be interested to see you come back to all your threads after you've been in love with someone and see what you think.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:33 AM
 
Location: USA
30,486 posts, read 21,675,558 times
Reputation: 18785
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Humans are not monogamous by nature. There is so much societal pressure to be with your 'one and only' for the rest of your lives but in many cases this is simply not workable. We're expected to believe that thrill of the first kiss lasts forever, that somehow our libidos will also be in sync, that we shouldn't desire other people...and the biggest lie of all, is that an affair crushes and destroys a relationship. Americans in particular have very unrealistic expectations of long term relationships. In many other countries an affair or an open relationship don't ruin the bond people have and does not destroy families.

If an open relationship doesn't work for you, an alternative is "don't ask, don't tell'.

I don't know if these relationships are stronger, all I know is not everyone fits into the cookie cutter square.
Good point and It is a societal expectation in America. And of course we think our societal view is correct and the rest of the world is wrong. That's why it is imprinted so strongly in our brain. We come up with excuses why our natural biology is wrong when we start having less interest in our spouses, SOs, Boyfriends and girlfriends. I have subscribed to the American notion of life long Love and that I am doing something wrong when a relationship loses it's spark. In the end, biology will win as seen by the high divorce rate combined with people having affairs. If you were to track relationships that don't last including any boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that you said would last, Spouses, and SO's you would have a success rate of single digits. I would say "Fail" but if your not meant to be with someone Forever it should not be viewed as a failure.

Other societies have little issues acknowleging that human beings are not truly monogamous creatures. Sometimes I think that they are the ones that are more evolved.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:35 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,126,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
That is not a lie. I would not tolerate my wife having an affair.
An affair contains dishonesty. An open marriage is, by definition, honest and permitted.

Quote:
That wouldn't work either. Too much suspicion.
There would be no need for suspicion about that which is honestly and consensually agreed to.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,071,587 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
If you're not religious I think the basis for monogamy is socio-cultural and flexible anyway. It's up to the respective partners to decide what is acceptable.
My husband and I are not religious. Non-monogamy is not even a remote option.
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