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Old 02-01-2012, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,525,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I think anyone who has been in love, or even hasn't been in love, with functioning parts can easily answer that question.
Ok......what's the answer?
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:40 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,125,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Have you ever been in love? Because if not - I can understand why you would ask this question. If you have - then I'm kind of baffled. Whether or not to have an open relationship depends entirely upon the two people in question. My husband and I are in love with each other. The thought of him with someone else makes me want to vomit. Furthermore, I have no interest in being with anyone else. Every other man pales in comparison to him - and why would I want to be with someone who wasn't as great?
for SOME people, the fact of loving ONE person does not diminish the ability to want or love someone else. It is analogous to loving one's children. I love my son very, very much. I also love my daughter very, very much.

If you ever spent time on the poly or swinging boards, you will find many people for whom this is the case.

Quote:
For most people - when you truly fall in love with someone - you want to be with only that person - and you don't want that person to be with anyone else. Some people are wired differently and are okay with an open relationship. Neither one is some magical thing - it is what the two people in the actual relationship are comfortable with.

I'd be interested to see you come back to all your threads after you've been in love with someone and see what you think.
I think this may be true for SOME people. I think anything may be true for SOME people. But I think the cheating stats belie the notion that MOST people don't want to be with someone else if you are in love.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,257 posts, read 64,072,561 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Basically, though, do you think it's a more 'enlightened' form of relationship, or basically an excuse to be promiscuous?
I don't think it's necessarily an excuse to be promiscuous. But it gives people a sense that they are less 'trapped' than if they committed entirely to one person. Basically, why bother getting married in the first place, then?
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,069,663 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
for SOME people, the fact of loving ONE person does not diminish the ability to want or love someone else. It is analogous to loving one's children. I love my son very, very much. I also love my daughter very, very much.

If you ever spent time on the poly or swinging boards, you will find many people for whom this is the case.



I think this may be true for SOME people. I think anything may be true for SOME people. But I think the cheating stats belie the notion that MOST people don't want to be with someone else if you are in love.
I have a feeling that the swinging/open relationship couples are still in the minority - which is why I used the word "most" as opposed to some. Notice I didn't say "all."
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,950,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
Ok......what's the answer?
I think it's lust. Which brings us back to, why not just stay single then?
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,525,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
An affair contains dishonesty. An open marriage is, by definition, honest and permitted.
I get that, but in my/our case, there would not be anything permitted or honest. I would never agree to anything like this.

Quote:


There would be no need for suspicion about that which is honestly and consensually agreed to.
But again, neither me nor wifey would honestly or consensually agree to such an arrangement.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts
526 posts, read 952,614 times
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I haven't been now will I ever want to be involved in an open relationship. I am a one-man woman, and the right man for me will be a one-woman man. I think both parties involved in a monogamus/exclusive relationship need to work together as a team to keep the spark on. When I am in love with someone, why would I want to be sleeping around with someone else?

To each its own, but non-monogamus relationships aren't my cup of tea.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:44 AM
 
Location: USA
1,818 posts, read 2,675,181 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
An affair contains dishonesty. An open marriage is, by definition, honest and permitted.


There would be no need for suspicion about that which is honestly and consensually agreed to.
I don't understand how you could consensually agree to your spouse going and having sex with someone else. I don't want to be second place...I want first place.

And what man would be ok with knowing his wife is getting it on with another guy?
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Virginia Beach
8,346 posts, read 7,014,737 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
An affair contains dishonesty. An open marriage is, by definition, honest and permitted.
Took the words out of my mouth.

AN open relationship isn't "having an affair", it's just having a friend with benefits or another relationship outside of your main one.

The affair comes w hen you lie about said relationship.

I'm the afformentioned husband in gallowsCalibrator's post. We have an open marriage, and yes, we do have others. Sometime multiples. However, we still love each other very much, and will never be able to share with others what we share with one another.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:45 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,125,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
I get that, but in my/our case, there would not be anything permitted or honest. I would never agree to anything like this.



But again, neither me nor wifey would honestly or consensually agree to such an arrangement.
Know thyself. But use the right words. We aren't discussing affairs. I am pretty sue pretty much everyone would agree that affairs don't make for strong relationships.
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