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Old 02-01-2012, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,525,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
Took the words out of my mouth.

AN open relationship isn't "having an affair", it's just having a friend with benefits or another relationship outside of your main one.

The affair comes w hen you lie about said relationship.

I'm the afformentioned husband in gallowsCalibrator's post. We have an open marriage, and yes, we do have others. Sometime multiples. However, we still love each other very much, and will never be able to share with others what we share with one another.
You kind of are doing that...................
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts
526 posts, read 952,614 times
Reputation: 550
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
Took the words out of my mouth.

AN open relationship isn't "having an affair", it's just having a friend with benefits or another relationship outside of your main one.

The affair comes w hen you lie about said relationship.

I'm the afformentioned husband in gallowsCalibrator's post. We have an open marriage, and yes, we do have others. Sometime multiples. However, we still love each other very much, and will never be able to share with others what we share with one another.
I am having a very hard time understanding this. Would you mind to share how you can be in love with someone so much and still feel the need to sleep around with others? I'd think that if I want to be kicking it with other men, then I can't be in love with the one I am married to.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,950,694 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
I don't understand how you could consensually agree to your spouse going and having sex with someone else. I don't want to be second place...I want first place.

And what man would be ok with knowing his wife is getting it on with another guy?
Exactly. What man...? One I think isn't as into his wife as a husband should be. And the same goes for the wife, imo. Marriage is union of two, it's about becoming one with your spouse, not with whom ever. It just makes no sense to me.

I want to please and be pleased by my partner only. If pleasing him means having an open marriage, I'd say I'll go a step further for you, and hand him his walking papers. You're now open for business. Be happy.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:55 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,783,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Have you ever been in love? Because if not - I can understand why you would ask this question. If you have - then I'm kind of baffled. Whether or not to have an open relationship depends entirely upon the two people in question. My husband and I are in love with each other. The thought of him with someone else makes me want to vomit. Furthermore, I have no interest in being with anyone else. Every other man pales in comparison to him - and why would I want to be with someone who wasn't as great?

For most people - when you truly fall in love with someone - you want to be with only that person - and you don't want that person to be with anyone else. Some people are wired differently and are okay with an open relationship. Neither one is some magical thing - it is what the two people in the actual relationship are comfortable with.

I'd be interested to see you come back to all your threads after you've been in love with someone and see what you think.
Well Lucario was asking why would you have a relationship if you had to urge to sleep around. Some people want that 'special someone', but also want the freedom to express/explore their sexuality without it being bound up in said relationship.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,627 posts, read 34,103,329 times
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Dan Savage spoke last year about being "monogamish": http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/ma...pagewanted=all

Quote:
Savage believes monogamy is right for many couples. But he believes that our discourse about it, and about sexuality more generally, is dishonest. Some people need more than one partner, he writes, just as some people need flirting, others need to be whipped, others need lovers of both sexes. We can’t help our urges, and we should not lie to our partners about them. In some marriages, talking honestly about our needs will forestall or obviate affairs; in other marriages, the conversation may lead to an affair, but with permission. In both cases, honesty is the best policy.
Open relationships are not for everyone (they're not for me, at least,) but every couple isn't the same.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:57 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,783,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
I think it's lust. Which brings us back to, why not just stay single then?
Some people want variety, but they also want that special someone to come home to at night.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,950,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Well Lucario was asking why would you have a relationship if you had to urge to sleep around. Some people want that 'special someone', but also want the freedom to express/explore their sexuality without it being bound up in said relationship.
Ah! Yes. Having your cake and eating it too. Now I'm with you. But I still disagree.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:58 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,125,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DRGirl View Post
I am having a very hard time understanding this. Would you mind to share how you can be in love with someone so much and still feel the need to sleep around with others? I'd think that if I want to be kicking it with other men, then I can't be in love with the one I am married to.

Sex can be a wonder way to express and share love. But the desire for sex can clearly exist without love. Most of us experienced plenty of this before marriage. Sex is fun. Feels good. Can be playful.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,069,663 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Well Lucario was asking why would you have a relationship if you had to urge to sleep around. Some people want that 'special someone', but also want the freedom to express/explore their sexuality without it being bound up in said relationship.
Yes - and it's up to YOU to decide what YOU want. That's my point. When YOU are in love with someone, YOU know what type of relationship is right for YOU. I could NEVER be in an open relationship with my husband. Being monogamous is what is right for US. Whatever relationship is right for you is the strongest relationship for you.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Virginia Beach
8,346 posts, read 7,014,737 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
You kind of are doing that...................
No we aren't. The love and affection we have for each other will never be shared with any of our others. It's unique, and special. It is impossible to share that.

Yes, we're having sex with others, but you can have sex without having the love and affection.

And to be clear, I do have affection for my other, however, it's a completely different type of affection, and not as special as the one I have with my wife, and my other knows and understands this. I made it quite clear before she got involved.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DRGirl View Post
I am having a very hard time understanding this. Would you mind to share how you can be in love with someone so much and still feel the need to sleep around with others? I'd think that if I want to be kicking it with other men, then I can't be in love with the one I am married to.

Because I believe, and my wife agrees, that you can easily be completely in love with someone and still be able to have feelings for someone else.

It's not a "feel the need" thing, it's something that oftentimes pops up without planning. I didn't "feel the need" to find someone other than my wife, I just "did". The same happened with her. It was a spur of the moment thing when she gained her other.
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