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Old 02-01-2012, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,950,694 times
Reputation: 9417

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Yeah I don't know what I want at the moment. I'm not even looking for marriage, and having never been in a relationship the idea of an exclusive relationship appeals to me most. Maybe it's because I'm naive, but the idea of her cheating doesn't seem that big of a deal. I was raised religious but am at the stage of questioning a lot of things. But yes, I can imagine myself being in an open relationship, but I wouldn't say I have a preference for it. If I met a great woman who was really against it I would definitely go in for that. I'd find her loyalty sweet, and would demonstrate the same loyalty towards her.
Chances are--and I'd be willing to bet on it--if you met someone you fell madly in love with, someone with whom you could not get enough, you would be very against an open relationship. I could be wrong, but I think that's what true love does to you.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,069,663 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Yes I've never felt a love so strong that it blacked out any physical attraction, or should I say, desire for physical intimacy, for others. I'm not sure I've ever really been in love - the term seems sort of vague and imprecise. Familial or platonic love with friends is easier to understand because it's something I'm experienced. I've felt a strong romantic inclination/crush/fondness with people on occasion, but they seem like nothing more than crushes. I probably haven't been 'in love' but where is that line anyway? I'm sort of cynical of the whole idea of being in love. It seems so fickle, in a way. I've yet to experience the lasting love you speak of because I've never even been in a relationship.
If you've never been in a relationship then you have never been in love. And when you do fall in love - it won't seem like a vague and imprecise thing. I can tell by all your threads that you've never been in love. And this isn't meant as an insult and I'm not trying to be condescending - but it's clear that you don't have a grasp of what loving someone is in the romantic sense. It isn't based on only what they look like. It isn't based on who pays for what. It's based on the whole package - who a person is inside and out. And to get to that point- you have to know them really well in a romantic way (and I don't mean just sex). And when you do fall in love - you won't need to ask people which kind of relationship is stronger - because you will know which kind of relationship is right for you. If you are the monogamous type - you will never even consider having an open relationship.

And how is being in love fickle? I've been with my husband for 10 years and I love him more and more everyday. Just this past week, we've had a really trying time, and the place that we both found the most solace was in each other's arms. I still get excited when I hear his voice on the phone. We laugh ourselves to sleep every night when we go to bed. How is any of this fickle?
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:17 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,783,988 times
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I wonder if feeling like you're expected to love your spouse above all makes the idea of loving someone else more enticing.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 15,123,148 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
I can never have sex without some sort of emotional attachment. It's something that my wife teases me about.
You say that as if you don't tease me for the same thing (RE: SleepyHead). There's always an attachment, but it's nothing like what we have.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,069,663 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
There are only benefits to that sort of relationship if that is what both people involved are looking for. For my husband and I - there would be absolutely no benefits. It would be hell. Actually - it wouldn't be anything since neither one of us wants to be with anyone else - it's not even a possibility.

When you have actually been in love - you will understand all of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
I actually am in love. I've been with the same woman for almost 10 years now. I love her with all of my heart.

Yet I can still have feelings for others.
Perhaps you missed the bolded part. I'm not discounting your marriage - I'm saying that it's not for me. And I'm saying that once the OP has actually been in love - HE will know what's right for HIM.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:21 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,783,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
If you've never been in a relationship then you have never been in love. And when you do fall in love - it won't seem like a vague and imprecise thing. I can tell by all your threads that you've never been in love. And this isn't meant as an insult and I'm not trying to be condescending - but it's clear that you don't have a grasp of what loving someone is in the romantic sense. It isn't based on only what they look like. It isn't based on who pays for what. It's based on the whole package - who a person is inside and out. And to get to that point- you have to know them really well in a romantic way (and I don't mean just sex). And when you do fall in love - you won't need to ask people which kind of relationship is stronger - because you will know which kind of relationship is right for you. If you are the monogamous type - you will never even consider having an open relationship.

And how is being in love fickle? I've been with my husband for 10 years and I love him more and more everyday. Just this past week, we've had a really trying time, and the place that we both found the most solace was in each other's arms. I still get excited when I hear his voice on the phone. We laugh ourselves to sleep every night when we go to bed. How is any of this fickle?
No I'm just saying that's what it seems like from my experience. My own experience of love I suppose. I definitely believe that kind of lasting love exists, it's just I haven't found someone I can grow it with.

I can't even turn a friendship into any sort of romance, there just seems to be an invisible barrier, as if it's impossible that any girl could fall in love with me. A couple have seemed to express a bit of interest in me, but never full blown love.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,950,694 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
If you've never been in a relationship then you have never been in love. And when you do fall in love - it won't seem like a vague and imprecise thing. I can tell by all your threads that you've never been in love. And this isn't meant as an insult and I'm not trying to be condescending - but it's clear that you don't have a grasp of what loving someone is in the romantic sense. It isn't based on only what they look like. It isn't based on who pays for what. It's based on the whole package - who a person is inside and out. And to get to that point- you have to know them really well in a romantic way (and I don't mean just sex). And when you do fall in love - you won't need to ask people which kind of relationship is stronger - because you will know which kind of relationship is right for you. If you are the monogamous type - you will never even consider having an open relationship.

And how is being in love fickle? I've been with my husband for 10 years and I love him more and more everyday. Just this past week, we've had a really trying time, and the place that we both found the most solace was in each other's arms. I still get excited when I hear his voice on the phone. We laugh ourselves to sleep every night when we go to bed. How is any of this fickle?
Now that's what I'm talking about. True love--as hard as people try to explain it, as varied as the explanations, is just something you can't put one finger on, you just know when you find it. You won't have to ask anyone, you won't have to ask yourself even, you just know you know you know because when it hits, it's like being hit with a Mac truck--in a miserably good way.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,069,663 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
No I'm just saying that's what it seems like from my experience. My own experience of love I suppose. I definitely believe that kind of lasting love exists, it's just I haven't found someone I can grow it with.

I can't even turn a friendship into any sort of romance, there just seems to be an invisible barrier, as if it's impossible that any girl could fall in love with me. A couple have seemed to express a bit of interest in me, but never full blown love.
Full blown love isn't something that you hand to someone - it's something that happens between two people. It's something that grows.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:23 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,564,498 times
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True love, monogamy and exclusivity FTW.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 15,123,148 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Full blown love isn't something that you hand to someone - it's something that happens between two people. It's something that grows.
And ages like a fine wine.
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