Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I really thought those problems would only be temporary because he kept telling me he didn't know my boundary and then he did through the mistakes he made, and that he's a human and humans make mistakes etc.
What I loved about him was that he is willing to share 50% of household responsibilities (men from my culture barely does any housework) and he's a very patient person. I tend to have a short temper and I thought we would balance each other out well. We share similar hobbies but after a while I realized all those hobbies require money.
He was just diagnosed with skin cancer (a moderately aggressive type) a week after we got married. Spent thousands on surgery already. I know he's trying hard but he doesn't make a lot money. A big portion of our savings will probably be going to his medical procedures in the future. Because all the financial stress, all we can afford to do is stay home and watch Netflix. I never wanted to abandon someone when he was diagnosed with cancer. But in this situation, would it still constitute me abandoning him? I feel like the second he's been emotionally (or physically) unfaithful to me, I was already abandoned by him?
Just still would make me feel guilty when I leave him right now - his family and friends will all spit on me and say I left because I grew up in a rich family and I can't stand living a poor life and that I abandoned him after I found out about his cancer.
Sorry to hear about his cancer but in the end he doesn't deserve you. Note the way you have been treated.
There are plenty of patient men out there that share housework.
His family and friends will no longer be a part of your life should you follow through with breaking up.
I sincerely hope you are working on your "short temper" issues. This is not normal and will help destroy future relationships with all humans you interact with.
As far as money --- I lost thousands when my ex and I broke up and that wasn't just the divorce. I worked two jobs for 5 years to catch up as she had medical issues too during our marriage. It's all behind me now.
I'm in a very tough situation right now. Being a foreigner in this country and in the legal field, it would be very hard for me to find a high paying job without all those family ties I had from my parents. My bar exam is this month and now again I'm facing this type of situation with my husband. I can't study anymore, I just can't focus on anything. I don't want to fail the bar AGAIN but a divorce is really a big deal for me and I can't help thinking about it over and over again.
You sound young. It may be hard now but it won't always be like that. Divorce happens and I am not downplaying that. Yes, it is a big deal and not pleasent. It was a big relief for me and I'm glad it's over. You will likely have a similar feeling. It is apparent you want to follow through and what's keeping you is mainly what others think. I cannot relate to that. You have the power to change this situation and do what is right for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
He is very immature. Every time I was about to leave him, he would tell me he's the type of guy who only learn from death ( example was he kept getting hit on motorcyle until one day he was declared death by the cop at the accident scence. Then he gave up that hobby). He said he's natrually slow with learning, and all he asks for is more patience from me.
You are taking abuse and have been patient enough. He's not understanding that passing this exam is important to you, is he? Think about that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
I don't think he still has trouble understanding what my boundary is - we've been fighting over the same stuff and he clearly knows what are prohibited. He probably wants to risk it by thinking I won't find out.
It's sounds like you are living in hell right now. Life is too short to be fighting and putting up with him doing things in secret.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
I don't understand why he wanted to marry me - if he was the one who can't be satisfied in an exclusive relationship, why did he even ask to marry me?
You could have and should have said no, especially since you don't want an open marriage. He apparently did not discuss this with you so this is another area in which he is wrong. You have a lot going on for you that is positive, like a promising career. It appears you have some self-esteem issues. You have more power that you realize.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
I feel like that he didn't want to lose me because he knew nobody else on this planet would take care of him the way I did.
He's using you and is abusive. Verbal is almost as bad as physical. It's up to you what you want to do about it. If it were me I'd realize this whole ordeal was a big mistake and I take action to correct it so I could have a better and more peaceful life. You deserve that.
I'm sorry, but I have not read even one redeeming thing about this man.
Are you from the Middle East by any chance? I ask because the qualities that may stand out as impressive to you, like taking out the garbage and being laid back, can also be viewed to an American as "yeah, so what?" and "a passive-aggressive lazy bum", respectively.
You seem to be making a lot of excuses for him, and frankly, I don't see what you are still with this man.
Last edited by robee70; 02-03-2012 at 05:46 AM..
Reason: typo
Can you get an annulment instead of a divorce? Seems like you have grounds for one. Regardless, stop making excuses and get that loser out of your life as soon as possible. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
You're a smart educated young woman with a lot going for you. Divorce him now. Don't look back. You will be able to get your life, family, and career back on track very quickly.
Do not second guess yourself on this. You are being used and lied to. This is the time when you need to look after yourself. Do not hesitate.
Can you get an annulment instead of a divorce? Seems like you have grounds for one. Regardless, stop making excuses and get that loser out of your life as soon as possible. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
You need to move on from this mess and get a divorce. Stop making excuses on why you should stay and stop making excuses for all of your bad decisions. Also, if you are going to be a lawyer, you need to learn how to read people better, get tough and get common sense otherwise I don't think you are going to make it in that career.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
