Hurtfully mean (boyfriend, girlfriend, how to, attracted)

[qwy]

I'm not completely sure how to word this, so hopefully you understand my question.

Why do people who have been hurt in relationships, try to hurt there curent boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm specifically talking about the ones who are always saying how great you are or how lucky they are to have someone like you, or how you are unlike any other person they've known.

Now I don't mean people with baggage like, going through you phone, or always checking where you are -though I know those can be symptoms of the same problem-. I mean the ones who say real subtle things, like bragging about other people they find really attractive infront of you or casually saying something that is hurtful or mean to you, but they don't see it being that way.

His this happened to anyone else? Why does they do this? And why when you break up with them, they completely don't see it coming? Is it really possible that they didn't realize that always saying mean and hurtful things -though in a subtle way- wouldn't bother you, because I refuse to believe that they didn't no that some of the comments they made toward you in passing wouldn't be seen as hurtful

[PA2UK]

Originally Posted by qwy

I'm not completely sure how to word this, so hopefully you understand my question.

Why do people who have been hurt in relationships, try to hurt there curent boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm specifically talking about the ones who are always saying how great you are or how lucky they are to have someone like you, or how you are unlike any other person they've known.

Now I don't mean people with baggage like, going through you phone, or always checking where you are -though I know those can be symptoms of the same problem-. I mean the ones who say real subtle things, like bragging about other people they find really attractive infront of you or casually saying something that is hurtful or mean to you, but they don't see it being that way.

Maybe they genuinely don't see it that way and maybe you are just being too sensitive? I could be wrong... but you say it's in subtle ways and you speak as thought this has happened to you more than once and usually, when there's a pattern of something, you have to look for the common denominator, which in this case would be you. Alternatively, you're just attracted to the wrong kind of people who are insensitive to your feelings.

His this happened to anyone else? Why does they do this? And why when you break up with them, they completely don't see it coming?

Did you communicate with them how you were feeling before breaking up with them? You can't expect people to be psychic, if something is bothering you to the point where you're considering breaking up with them, you need to speak up. You need to say "It really bothers me when you say stuff like that. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive but maybe you're also being insensitive to my feelings. I'm finding it to be a real problem and if we can't resolve it, I'm not sure we can continue on together." At least give them the chance to work things out. Again, I could be wrong but when you say they completely don't see it coming, it suggests you weren't communicating how you were feeling to them.

Is it really possible that they didn't realize that always saying mean and hurtful things -though in a subtle way- wouldn't bother you, because I refuse to believe that they didn't no that some of the comments they made toward you in passing wouldn't be seen as hurtful

Everyone has different sensitivity levels. Without examples and specifics, it's hard to say whether you're just being too sensitive or whether your partners have been insensitive - or maybe a combo of both.