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First, ask your employer if it is okay, because if it's not, you will lose your job.
Then, ask this man's wife. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Then, check with your co-workers. If this man is a regular guest, they should already be keeping score.
If he would sleep with you, he would sleep with anything. So, not too safe for either party.
He is a guest/customer. You are out of line if you persist. I hope your employer reads CD posts.
why should i not act on my desires and let someone else and yes i do attract single guys too but when i first met this man i didn't know he was married until the attraction already settled .. so that's not my fault!
It's not your fault you're attrated to him. It IS your fault if you act on it. Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you should act on it. Attraction alone is only a starting point. It's never enough reason, all by itself, to get involved with anyone.
Chemistry is chemistry but it is not love and it will not bring you happiness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
It's not your fault you're attrated to him. It IS your fault if you act on it. Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you should act on it. Attraction alone is only a starting point. It's never enough reason, all by itself, to get involved with anyone.
So. Much. Word.
Imagine that by some chance this man falls in love with you, leaves his wife and marries you. How will you look back on your courtship? Sneaking around, lies, guilt? If he has children, how will they feel about you? How will you feel about having them in your life?
If you want to live your life in a way that you can be proud of and not ashamed of, then value yourself enough to wait for someone who is free to be with you. I speak from experience. Both my husbands were married when I started seeing them. (The second time, I was married, too.) I wish to God that I didn't have the memories I have.
The other thing to consider is that forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest. If this man should divorce his wife so you can be together, you might not find him such a great catch. Right now you are seeing him in a hotel, an artificial environment. In his real-life environment he might not seem as appealing, especially when he leaves you alone three or four nights a week so he can go on business trips.
I have female friends that were like the OP, they knew the men were married and didn't care, they were getting theirs, and that's all they wanted. It was all good for a while, until they realized they really were not getting what they wanted. As much as they convinced themselves it was just an affair, deep down inside, they believed it was more than that. They tried to convince themselves they were ok being a side dish, but they really weren't, and they knew those men were still sleeping with their wives, no matter how bad those men said their wives were.
^^^This bears repeating.^^^
This kind of stuff can be 'fun' for a while....until you wake up in your 30s and find out (or more like admit) you want a real relationship with someone...but by that time a lot of the good marriage/LTR material already have partners....And this is the best case scenario because it assumes no STDs and unplanned pregnancies.
Sounds like your dad wasn't in your life. So you're attracted to a man 20 years older than you who's unavailable to you. I'm betting the emotional void you expereienced by not having a dad is what makes this type of situation so attractive to you now.
I agree. The OP is an attention craver who didn't have that strong male role model growing up, so she'll take what she can get from this guy & probably a whole lot of others because she lacks the inner strength & self-esteem & that emotional love & attnetion from her father, wherever he is. Most wholesome woman who had an excellent father & high moral home life wouldn't devalue herself like this & make the lame excue of "I'm young & just want to have fun, so what's the problem" type attitude. But, the OP would never admit any of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
We all have done wrong stuff. How do you think we know this is a bad idea?...
Uh, speak for yourself! I've lived a life that ANYONE would be proud of. I have no regrets, shame, nothing to hide, etc. for anything I've done because I've never been in any kind of trouble & have always lived on the straight & narrow. You can talk to any of my employers, give me lie detector tests & ask me anything, do background checks up to wazoo & you won't find a darn thing detrimental.
I don't believe a person NEEDS to make mistakes to finally learn a lesson. I've never gone w/ a married guy, but of course I have the smarts to know it's not a good thing. I don't need to have been on drugs to tell someone else not to do it, I don't have to have been a bad teenager to tell someone else that that's not the way to go.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 03-05-2012 at 12:48 PM..
So what if I said he's not married he's just a single older guy flirting with me .. what would you all tell me to do ? Nothing wrong with having some fun right?
Fun for you maybe, but not for the family that you will help tear apart. Have you ever considered someone other than yourself for one second?
i really appreciate the posts. mostly bek it shows many women are not at all ok with women having affairs with married men.
this makes me feel good. i have heard way too much from the other gals. the "its all about him" gals.
However the OP wishes to compartmentalize her feelings, speaking from experience, it will hurt everyone involved.
I'm talking about a long, long time ago and I didn't know when we started that he was married; too young and stupid to quit and it was awful.
Unfortunately, for the man who will do this - and without remorse - there are few, if any, feelings involved. You are setting yourself up to be used.
Maybe you are not in touch with your core values and/or appreciate that you deserve a full-time man, and not a part-time lay.
Those who find themselves in this situation have only one option: stop flirting...stop talking...end the fantasy. Plenty of single men who are just as fun and guess what? More to offer for you in your life - even if it isn't what you think you want, when you don't have it, and you are alone on your birthday and other holidays, believe me, you're in for a world of pain.
Please do not look at this lightly - if you want to have sex, do it with someone who is not attached. His wife didn't sign up to be cheated on, and you are a human and not an animal; control yourself and cut off contact or at least limit it to non-sexual content.
You won't come out ahead if you pursue the path you are considering. Let it go.
Not only has this thread run its course, the OP has been MIA since February 6, the day she initiated it. Time to close the thread.
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Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-13-2012 at 09:20 PM..
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No happy end to that story
