Bf of 3 years cheating for 3 months (date, marry, woman, kids)

[cpg35223]

Once again, the dictum holds true: The longer the OP, the more unsolvable the problem is.

Punt.

[Caltovegas]

Originally Posted by luvlux80

I don't really know who else to ask....this has been killing me inside for a few days. For three years our relationship has been rocky. We have had a stupid argument at least once a week..yelling screaming...fighting non-stop....me complaining about him and him being defensive about me nagging.. Anyways, he has often broke up with me because he said the relationship has been too stressful and I can't appreciate him, and I'm full of trust issues ( my ex cheated), but yet, we usually get back together after he calms down. Well lately I had noticed his behavior has been a little off. He had been getting mad and blaming me for a lot of things and just overall mean. I had finally had some type of revelation back in January, and wanted to give my all, stop the arguing nonsense and let my wall completely down, so I have been working my butt off to make this work. I thought he would have been more receptive, but instead he got even more distant. Sunday was the day he decided to tell the girl he has been cheating with since NOV that he had to cut it off and he could no longer lead this double life and that he wanted to make it work with me. Apparently, she work with him, and initially tired to talk to him cause it was a like a game to her cause he had a GF. He told her to back off, but we kept having problems, she kept trying, and eventually he gave in (this was told to me by friend who has talked to the girl). So anyways, I guess she she had started wanting something more, and he told her he had never planned to leave me. Then, at 2:00 am I get a knock on my door and he confesses he has cheated for 3 months....he then started balling and crying and freaking out when I just looked at him. He was on his knees begging me to forgive him..but I told him to leave. He is a total wreck now. All his friends say he is really beating himself up, and can't barely hold it together. tuesday, he left me this 4 page letter in my door about how he felt, and how truly sorry he was, and how he could never forgive himself for this one. I finally allowed contact via text with him yesterday and he says he did it beacuse she was what I wasnt. She was easy to talk to, never complained..he says she is what he thought he wanted becaiuse there was no drama, no problems, no arguments..of course..she was the side chick EH said he used it as a crutch and he knows he should of been more of a man and communicated better. That she was nice and cool..but he knew he would never be with someone like her.

He sounds terrible, saying he can't do anything, is crying every day, considers himself scum......I don't know what to do. I want someone to explain to me how you can cheat for 3 months because of relationship hardships, but now..you are dying inside because I may not forgive you and take you back. Do people not think of this while they are doing it? He has been depressed for months, about family, money, job, and our issues...and I have held him up and helped him out every step of the way. He was cheated on by his ex wife, so I never expected this type of behavior from him. That night he confessed he cried and cried because he said I have cared about him like no one else...even more than his ex wife..and that he knows I'm the best thing he has ever had. His emotions were genuine, I've never seen someone so distraught, sobbing over a situation like this. He said he knew he was wrong, but he let the bad problems in our relationship validate his actions. I sometimes wonder did he tell me cause she was starting to want more and he didn't want to deal with the complexity anymore...she asked him to choose her and leave me...he said that was never his plan..that he has always been in love with me ( which I don't think I believe anymore).

I try not to ask to many details...obviously she came over his house, hung out, and they have slept together..but what the heck was he thinking????? Yet, none of my friends have said just leave him...one of my friends was at the Superbowl party that he came to and the girl crashed, and she saw what happened and said he was about to break down in front of everyone that he said "I'm going to lose her".....I just want some unbiased advice or a different outlook on this situation...he is in the military and leaving in 2 months..and will be gone for 6....he wants this resolved before he leaves because he thinks I'll be done when him gets back.......

Here's my take on this. You two are not married or in a committed relationship.. There's no ring involved. So in the big picture he did nothing wrong. the man was unhappy due to the strife, nagging and constant drama so he went somewhere else. As a single person he had that right..

If he now seems like he wants to have a committed relationship and so do you then work on it. Just understand going forward a relationship isn't about me, it's about we... Two people making it work..

I know some women will say he was wrong for cheating but as I mentioned he didn't cheat because there was no ring and no intention of a ring.. All men know all we basically want is peace.. When the naggin starts and it's constant fighting is the norm the man may drift.. Why do people think Happy Hopurs were invented? Many men just didn't want to go home directly after work. It was a means to wind down before they hit the door and the nagging started..

I'm neva getting married.

[akck]

If you get back together, it seems like you'll always have trust issues with his cheating. It's also likely that he'll cheat again when the opportunity arises, especially after you have a fight. This seems to be one of the reasons why he cheated in the first place and it's unlikely for any couple to never have an argument again, unless they have no contact. So, it's best if you move on and only worry about yourself.

[strawberrykiki]

Even if you are just dating and not married or engaged, cheating is a dirty low life thing to do. If you're just dating and you're unhappy then BREAK UP with the person before you move on to the next. Where was his sense of right and wrong when for THREE months he lied to your face and snuck around with another woman behind your back? I could maybe though not likely forgive someone for a one night stand...but for someone to have an affair with a coworker behind my back? Nope. Would never forgive that. As soon as you let him off the hook you'll go right back to the fighting...and once a cheater, always a cheater. You forgave him once, right? I bet he thinks you'll forgive again.

Have some respect for yourself and dump him.

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by luvlux80

I don't really know who else to ask....this has been killing me inside for a few days. For three years our relationship has been rocky. We have had a stupid argument at least once a week.

I'm sorry. I'd like to help, but the post stopped making sense to me right there. You stayed with this guy. You know what he's like. You know how the two of you are together. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting: What you're doing is staying in a bad relationship, and what you're getting is--wait for it--a bad relationship.

You should have left this guy three years ago.

[bellakin123]

Originally Posted by jimboburnsy

This is a girl who loves drama. Boy does she love drama.

Yup, I agree. I stopped reading after the 2nd line about her nagging the bf and the bf complaining about her nagging. If that crap is going on for 3 years, then this relationship was nuttin' but a train wreck.

[DRGirl]

3 years of this??? I guess you BOTH really like drama. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Time to move on to greener pastures.

[Caltovegas]

Originally Posted by bellakin123

Yup, I agree. I stopped reading after the 2nd line about her nagging the bf and the bf complaining about her nagging. If that crap is going on for 3 years, then this relationship was nuttin' but a train wreck.

Tru dat..


The Nagging Wife - YouTube

[LS Jaun]

Originally Posted by bellakin123

Yup, I agree. I stopped reading after the 2nd line about her nagging the bf and the bf complaining about her nagging. If that crap is going on for 3 years, then this relationship was nuttin' but a train wreck.

I can under stand the guy going to another woman to get away from the nagging, but this guy must have been ibsane for staying with her. But as they say "Birds of a feather"

[WestCobb]

This one is a no-brainer. Marry this guy and have lots of kids. That will fix everything.

Originally Posted by luvlux80

I don't really know who else to ask....this has been killing me inside for a few days. For three years our relationship has been rocky. We have had a stupid argument at least once a week..yelling screaming...fighting non-stop....me complaining about him and him being defensive about me nagging.. Anyways, he has often broke up with me because he said the relationship has been too stressful and I can't appreciate him, and I'm full of trust issues ( my ex cheated), but yet, we usually get back together after he calms down. Well lately I had noticed his behavior has been a little off. He had been getting mad and blaming me for a lot of things and just overall mean. I had finally had some type of revelation back in January, and wanted to give my all, stop the arguing nonsense and let my wall completely down, so I have been working my butt off to make this work. I thought he would have been more receptive, but instead he got even more distant. Sunday was the day he decided to tell the girl he has been cheating with since NOV that he had to cut it off and he could no longer lead this double life and that he wanted to make it work with me. Apparently, she work with him, and initially tired to talk to him cause it was a like a game to her cause he had a GF. He told her to back off, but we kept having problems, she kept trying, and eventually he gave in (this was told to me by friend who has talked to the girl). So anyways, I guess she she had started wanting something more, and he told her he had never planned to leave me. Then, at 2:00 am I get a knock on my door and he confesses he has cheated for 3 months....he then started balling and crying and freaking out when I just looked at him. He was on his knees begging me to forgive him..but I told him to leave. He is a total wreck now. All his friends say he is really beating himself up, and can't barely hold it together. tuesday, he left me this 4 page letter in my door about how he felt, and how truly sorry he was, and how he could never forgive himself for this one. I finally allowed contact via text with him yesterday and he says he did it beacuse she was what I wasnt. She was easy to talk to, never complained..he says she is what he thought he wanted becaiuse there was no drama, no problems, no arguments..of course..she was the side chick EH said he used it as a crutch and he knows he should of been more of a man and communicated better. That she was nice and cool..but he knew he would never be with someone like her.

He sounds terrible, saying he can't do anything, is crying every day, considers himself scum......I don't know what to do. I want someone to explain to me how you can cheat for 3 months because of relationship hardships, but now..you are dying inside because I may not forgive you and take you back. Do people not think of this while they are doing it? He has been depressed for months, about family, money, job, and our issues...and I have held him up and helped him out every step of the way. He was cheated on by his ex wife, so I never expected this type of behavior from him. That night he confessed he cried and cried because he said I have cared about him like no one else...even more than his ex wife..and that he knows I'm the best thing he has ever had. His emotions were genuine, I've never seen someone so distraught, sobbing over a situation like this. He said he knew he was wrong, but he let the bad problems in our relationship validate his actions. I sometimes wonder did he tell me cause she was starting to want more and he didn't want to deal with the complexity anymore...she asked him to choose her and leave me...he said that was never his plan..that he has always been in love with me ( which I don't think I believe anymore).

I try not to ask to many details...obviously she came over his house, hung out, and they have slept together..but what the heck was he thinking????? Yet, none of my friends have said just leave him...one of my friends was at the Superbowl party that he came to and the girl crashed, and she saw what happened and said he was about to break down in front of everyone that he said "I'm going to lose her".....I just want some unbiased advice or a different outlook on this situation...he is in the military and leaving in 2 months..and will be gone for 6....he wants this resolved before he leaves because he thinks I'll be done when him gets back.......