Bf of 3 years cheating for 3 months (marriage, man, advice, personality)

[PJ1252]

if your fighting once a week there is something wrong with your relationship - i dont know why either one of you want to be together - i think the two of you need to do some soul searching - also if you can not forgive him totally and harbor no ill will toward what he did it will never work out -

[Doll Eyes]

what a waste of 3 years worth of time.

[riotsquirrelz]

Originally Posted by luvlux80

Apparently, she work with him, and initially tired to talk to him cause it was a like a game to her cause he had a GF. He told her to back off, but we kept having problems, she kept trying, and eventually he gave in (this was told to me by friend who has talked to the girl). So anyways, I guess she she had started wanting something more, and he told her he had never planned to leave me. Then, at 2:00 am I get a knock on my door and he confesses he has cheated for 3 months....he then started balling and crying and freaking out when I just looked at him. He was on his knees begging me to forgive him..but I told him to leave. He is a total wreck now. All his friends say he is really beating himself up, and can't barely hold it together. tuesday, he left me this 4 page letter in my door about how he felt, and how truly sorry he was, and how he could never forgive himself for this one. I finally allowed contact via text with him yesterday and he says he did it beacuse she was what I wasnt. She was easy to talk to, never complained..he says she is what he thought he wanted becaiuse there was no drama, no problems, no arguments..of course..she was the side chick EH said he used it as a crutch and he knows he should of been more of a man and communicated better. That she was nice and cool..but he knew he would never be with someone like her.

Really? Good thing he wasn't out cheating with a better version of "you," right? It must be a great relief that the whole time he cheated with this woman, he never planned to leave you, even though she was a master manipulator and convinced him to come back.

FACT: Even though "he knew he never would be with someone like her," he was with someone like her. Oh wait, he was with her!! The length of time, short or long, doesn't change that fact.

OP, even though you ignored that your relationship was unhealthy from the beginning with all of the fighting and drama, don't continue to ignore the red flags. Unless you enjoy the endless cycle of drama, it is time to move on.

[Nite Ryder]

Quote:I don't really know who else to ask....this has been killing me inside for a few days. For three years our relationship has been rocky. We have had a stupid argument at least once a week..yelling screaming...fighting non-stop....me complaining about him and him being defensive about me nagging.. Anyways, he has often broke up with me because he said the relationship has been too stressful and I can't appreciate him, and I'm full of trust issues ( my ex cheated), but yet, we usually get back together after he calms down.

The above is all of your post I read. What are you thinking? You have had a rocky relationship for three years and neither of you are smart enough to end it permanently. Instead you would rather argue, shout and scream and act like two little kids? Your ex cheated on you so now you don';t trust anyone? Get a life, neither of you are relationship material, you need to live alone until you grow up.

[FlyiMetro]

luvlux....i think its time you get yourself together & meet new men. You should get out there & date

[LS Jaun]

Originally Posted by riotsquirrelz

Unless you enjoy the endless cycle of drama, it is time to move on.

Could be?
3 years of misery! She probably doesn't enjoy it, but Ive seen enough of this type: I have a sister and a cousin that fit this profile "A life time of rocky relationships", always saying it is someone elses fault. They are typically the source of the problem and only attract and feel right with fellow dysfunctional people. I have never anything other then a short lived physical attraction to this type of woman and the same goes for them to me. Flags typically go up right away and normal men run. They only attract people that are of the same dysfunctionality as themselves.

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by WestCobb

This one is a no-brainer. Marry this guy and have lots of kids. That will fix everything.

I can't stop laughing at this.

Seriously though, it cracks me up when unmarried couples go to counseling. If things are dysfunctional when you're dating, what in the HELL would make anyone think that things are going to get better if you make a legal committment arrangement and bring kids and property into the equation?

[Whyte Byrd]

Take it from someone who used to be a nag. I thought I was trying to make our lives better but I was tearing it apart. I don't advocate cheating but I believe--no, I know--you can drive someone into someone else's arms or out of your life at least, with nagging. It's stressful. Vexatious. Destructive. Relationship suicide. Before you can hope to fix a relationship that's collided with infidelity, you need to find a way to see yourself for how you really are with a partner, what your role is in the failure of it.

And I don't believe that crap for one second--once a cheater, always a cheater. People do stupid things out of frustration, anger, pain, desperation. When we come together with someone in a harmonious way--communicating rather than nagging, listening rather than talking all the time....--we don't want to stray. And if you've found someone who does when you both thought the relationship was great, that's the type who will do it regardless. Most who cheat I believe do it out of frustration and desperation and we can and do change. Speaking as a former cheater, of course.

[Caltovegas]

I personally know of two women who drove men away due to their nagging and when told about it they just didn't see that they nagged.. They looked at it as expressing their point..

You know it's a major issue when it's mentioned in the Bible:

Proverbs 21:19

King James Version (KJV)

19It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.


So way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back there must have been men who left nagging women. LOL

[LS Jaun]

Originally Posted by Caltovegas

I personally know of two women who drove men away due to their nagging and when told about it they just didn't see that they nagged.. They looked at it as expressing their point..

You know it's a major issue when it's mentioned in the Bible:

Proverbs 21:19

King James Version (KJV)

19It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.


So way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back there must have been men who left nagging women. LOL

Is that for real?