U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-09-2012, 08:38 AM
 
29 posts, read 55,222 times
Reputation: 13

Advertisements

I don't really know who else to ask....this has been killing me inside for a few days. For three years our relationship has been rocky. We have had a stupid argument at least once a week..yelling screaming...fighting non-stop....me complaining about him and him being defensive about me nagging.. Anyways, he has often broke up with me because he said the relationship has been too stressful and I can't appreciate him, and I'm full of trust issues ( my ex cheated), but yet, we usually get back together after he calms down. Well lately I had noticed his behavior has been a little off. He had been getting mad and blaming me for a lot of things and just overall mean. I had finally had some type of revelation back in January, and wanted to give my all, stop the arguing nonsense and let my wall completely down, so I have been working my butt off to make this work. I thought he would have been more receptive, but instead he got even more distant. Sunday was the day he decided to tell the girl he has been cheating with since NOV that he had to cut it off and he could no longer lead this double life and that he wanted to make it work with me. Apparently, she work with him, and initially tired to talk to him cause it was a like a game to her cause he had a GF. He told her to back off, but we kept having problems, she kept trying, and eventually he gave in (this was told to me by friend who has talked to the girl). So anyways, I guess she she had started wanting something more, and he told her he had never planned to leave me. Then, at 2:00 am I get a knock on my door and he confesses he has cheated for 3 months....he then started balling and crying and freaking out when I just looked at him. He was on his knees begging me to forgive him..but I told him to leave. He is a total wreck now. All his friends say he is really beating himself up, and can't barely hold it together. tuesday, he left me this 4 page letter in my door about how he felt, and how truly sorry he was, and how he could never forgive himself for this one. I finally allowed contact via text with him yesterday and he says he did it beacuse she was what I wasnt. She was easy to talk to, never complained..he says she is what he thought he wanted becaiuse there was no drama, no problems, no arguments..of course..she was the side chick EH said he used it as a crutch and he knows he should of been more of a man and communicated better. That she was nice and cool..but he knew he would never be with someone like her.

He sounds terrible, saying he can't do anything, is crying every day, considers himself scum......I don't know what to do. I want someone to explain to me how you can cheat for 3 months because of relationship hardships, but now..you are dying inside because I may not forgive you and take you back. Do people not think of this while they are doing it? He has been depressed for months, about family, money, job, and our issues...and I have held him up and helped him out every step of the way. He was cheated on by his ex wife, so I never expected this type of behavior from him. That night he confessed he cried and cried because he said I have cared about him like no one else...even more than his ex wife..and that he knows I'm the best thing he has ever had. His emotions were genuine, I've never seen someone so distraught, sobbing over a situation like this. He said he knew he was wrong, but he let the bad problems in our relationship validate his actions. I sometimes wonder did he tell me cause she was starting to want more and he didn't want to deal with the complexity anymore...she asked him to choose her and leave me...he said that was never his plan..that he has always been in love with me ( which I don't think I believe anymore).

I try not to ask to many details...obviously she came over his house, hung out, and they have slept together..but what the heck was he thinking????? Yet, none of my friends have said just leave him...one of my friends was at the Superbowl party that he came to and the girl crashed, and she saw what happened and said he was about to break down in front of everyone that he said "I'm going to lose her".....I just want some unbiased advice or a different outlook on this situation...he is in the military and leaving in 2 months..and will be gone for 6....he wants this resolved before he leaves because he thinks I'll be done when him gets back.......
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,624 posts, read 6,323,626 times
Reputation: 4939
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvlux80 View Post
I don't really know who else to ask....this has been killing me inside for a few days. For three years our relationship has been rocky. We have had a stupid argument at least once a week..yelling screaming...fighting non-stop....me complaining about him and him being defensive about me nagging.. Anyways, he has often broke up with me because he said the relationship has been too stressful and I can't appreciate him, and I'm full of trust issues ( my ex cheated), but yet, we usually get back together after he calms down. Well lately I had noticed his behavior has been a little off. He had been getting mad and blaming me for a lot of things and just overall mean. I had finally had some type of revelation back in January, and wanted to give my all, stop the arguing nonsense and let my wall completely down, so I have been working my butt off to make this work. I thought he would have been more receptive, but instead he got even more distant. Sunday was the day he decided to tell the girl he has been cheating with since NOV that he had to cut it off and he could no longer lead this double life and that he wanted to make it work with me. Apparently, she work with him, and initially tired to talk to him cause it was a like a game to her cause he had a GF. He told her to back off, but we kept having problems, she kept trying, and eventually he gave in (this was told to me by friend who has talked to the girl). So anyways, I guess she she had started wanting something more, and he told her he had never planned to leave me. Then, at 2:00 am I get a knock on my door and he confesses he has cheated for 3 months....he then started balling and crying and freaking out when I just looked at him. He was on his knees begging me to forgive him..but I told him to leave. He is a total wreck now. All his friends say he is really beating himself up, and can't barely hold it together. tuesday, he left me this 4 page letter in my door about how he felt, and how truly sorry he was, and how he could never forgive himself for this one. I finally allowed contact via text with him yesterday and he says he did it beacuse she was what I wasnt. She was easy to talk to, never complained..he says she is what he thought he wanted becaiuse there was no drama, no problems, no arguments..of course..she was the side chick EH said he used it as a crutch and he knows he should of been more of a man and communicated better. That she was nice and cool..but he knew he would never be with someone like her.

He sounds terrible, saying he can't do anything, is crying every day, considers himself scum......I don't know what to do. I want someone to explain to me how you can cheat for 3 months because of relationship hardships, but now..you are dying inside because I may not forgive you and take you back. Do people not think of this while they are doing it? He has been depressed for months, about family, money, job, and our issues...and I have held him up and helped him out every step of the way. He was cheated on by his ex wife, so I never expected this type of behavior from him. That night he confessed he cried and cried because he said I have cared about him like no one else...even more than his ex wife..and that he knows I'm the best thing he has ever had. His emotions were genuine, I've never seen someone so distraught, sobbing over a situation like this. He said he knew he was wrong, but he let the bad problems in our relationship validate his actions. I sometimes wonder did he tell me cause she was starting to want more and he didn't want to deal with the complexity anymore...she asked him to choose her and leave me...he said that was never his plan..that he has always been in love with me ( which I don't think I believe anymore).

I try not to ask to many details...obviously she came over his house, hung out, and they have slept together..but what the heck was he thinking????? Yet, none of my friends have said just leave him...one of my friends was at the Superbowl party that he came to and the girl crashed, and she saw what happened and said he was about to break down in front of everyone that he said "I'm going to lose her".....I just want some unbiased advice or a different outlook on this situation...he is in the military and leaving in 2 months..and will be gone for 6....he wants this resolved before he leaves because he thinks I'll be done when him gets back.......
Your relationship sounds like a mess. Why do you even want to be in it?!? Once a cheater, always a cheater. If your okay with going back to it than you are risking he will meet another girl he sees as better that he will cheat on you with.

From the sounds of it, even if he doesn't cheat again on you, why do you want to go back to arguing and fighting every week? There is no fairy tale ending in this relationship. Even if you get back with him, there will be no stop to the fighting and you will always have some resentment. It sounds like for some reason he even resents you a little.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,307 posts, read 37,729,180 times
Reputation: 7175
This is a girl who loves drama. Boy does she love drama.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:11 AM
 
Location: NC
6,032 posts, read 8,820,266 times
Reputation: 6377
Epic first posting...
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:15 AM
 
Location: On the brink of WWIII
21,090 posts, read 27,671,735 times
Reputation: 7812
You answered your own question in the first three sentences====

I don't really know who else to ask....this has been killing me inside for a few days. For three years our relationship has been rocky. We have had a stupid argument at least once a week..yelling screaming...fighting non-stop....
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:35 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
4,002 posts, read 8,572,792 times
Reputation: 8094
Sounds like it's done now.

How he feels is not your problem.
They all feel guilty and repentant when they're caught.
I'm sure he will feel the same way the next time he's caught too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvlux80 View Post
I'll be done when him gets back.......
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
6,685 posts, read 5,277,504 times
Reputation: 5545
eventually, you will circle back around to the fighting, yelling.. even if he never cheats on you again..
you should make a clean break while your at this point... Its probably best.. otherwise, you will just be right back in this same boat...
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:58 AM
 
Location: in your dreams
18,518 posts, read 18,186,845 times
Reputation: 25471
Wow. This sounds alot like something that happened to me about 5yrs ago...

I had to let him go. I loved him alot and was pretty destroyed when I found out about the cheating, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't even look at him without getting totally p.o'd...so I had to cut him loose.

He basically moved in with the other girl immediately and now they have a kid. He still tries to holler @ me, and I know he's cheated on her a bunch..She for some reason accepts that. I don't feel sorry for her at all. It's just not the way I wanted to be treated in a relationship, I didn't deserve that... and you neither do you.

Things like this are a big deal. While feelings of love & hurt may never fully go away, once the trust is broken, it's just all downhill and never the same.

Good Luck.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-09-2012, 10:14 AM
 
Location: USA
28,322 posts, read 19,557,742 times
Reputation: 17576
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimboburnsy View Post
This is a girl who loves drama. Boy does she love drama.
Truer words were never spoken! She will have a lifetime of drama because that is what she invites into her life. The common denominator is "Herself".
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-09-2012, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,827 posts, read 7,059,926 times
Reputation: 4941
time for a break from relationships methinks...all the while he had the both of you in his life, he didn't feel distressed about that but now he's afraid he's lost the best person he's ever been with??... all that fighting and argueing is just around the corner if you stay with this guy...and then he can cheat again...
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2023, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top